I Found
by housewifespliffin
Summary: They say if you love something you should set it free. But freedom comes at a cost. Bella reminisces about her complicated relationship with her stepbrother on the eve of his wedding. Pairings E/B, E/T, B/J, R/Em. M rating: sexual situations, language and adult themes. (Frequent Updates)
1. Chapter 1: Present Day

Welcome Readers! This story will have short chapters with frequent updates (probably daily). I'm really trying to work on writing every day, so this is my way of challenging myself. A couple of things to know before going forward:

This story is MATURE. There will be sexual situations, language and other adult material. Also this story is a little taboo, it involves a step-sibling relationship. So if that's not your thing, then back out now.

Summary: They say if you love something you should set it free. But freedom comes at a cost. Bella reminisces about her complicated relationship with her stepbrother on the eve of his wedding. Pairings E/B, E/T, B/J, R/Em. M rating: sexual situations, language and adult themes.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

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"I'll use you as a warning sign

That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind"

\- I Found by Amber Run

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xxx

**Present Day: Four Seasons Hotel**

"I can't believe he's getting married."

My throat tightens at Rosalie's whisper. _Yeah, me too. _It shouldn't surprise me, it's what people do- meet someone, fall in love, get married. But it does, and it hurts. I tap my fingers against my leg. It's so crowded here and loud. I don't want to be here. I want to go home and pretend this entire weekend isn't happening.

Edward throws his head back and laughs, revealing his white teeth. My god he's so beautiful it hurts to look at him. The pretty strawberry blond smiles beside him. She grabs his hand and he raises their entwined fingers and kisses her knuckles. I want to vomit.

"Tanya is good for him," Rosalie says before flipping her long blond hair over her shoulder. "I haven't seen him this happy in a long time."

And the knife twists. She's right, as much as I hate to admit it. Tanya is polished, a real type A personality, a diligent planner and she fits right in with the family. She's talking to my father and he's smiling at her in a way that he's never once smiled at me like. He prefers her. This entire situation is so fucked up.

I knock my glass back, the wine burning down my throat some. Edward turns and sees me. His eyes go a little wide. He's probably shocked I'm even here. I need a cigarette before I start hyperventilating.

"I'll be right back. I need some air," I say to my stepsister.

"Alright," Rosalie says. "I need to go find my child, there's no telling what she's getting up to," she murmurs under her breath.

I leave the room and head to the lobby. I finally had stopped the habit, but this entire situation I knew I would need this or I might have a complete breakdown. Lord knows how embarrassing that would be.

As I reach the front doors, I step outside to the side and pull out my Marlboro Reds and light up. The relief is instantaneous. My body slowly starts to relax. My mind on the other hand is still reeling. I hate this. This wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to have moved on, or in my perfect fantasy world be Tanya.

But this is reality. And reality sucks.

_I did the right thing. This is the way it's supposed to be. _But it doesn't feel right. It feels wrong and just sad.

"I thought you quit."

His voice is warm and chills go down my arm. It's crazy how he can still affect me after all this time.

_Well that was before I found out you were getting fucking married._

I shrug my shoulders. "Family functions stresses me out."

He laughs. It's not the light hearted kind. It's full of resentment and bitterness.

"You mean me getting married stresses you out." He deadpans.

My fingers curl at my sides. _Damn right it does. _

"She's seems nice," I say instead.

He relaxes beside me and smiles. I hate it. I hate that he smiles like this when she's mentioned.

"Yeah, she's pretty great," he says.

I swallow. She's so different than me. She's the definition of an Instagram wifey. I'm sure she has a blog about veganism and 'Seeking HIS kingdom' bio bullshit.

"Are you happy," I say refusing to look at him.

His head turns and I see his eyes narrow. _Shit. That's __inappropriate.__ And as if he would tell me if he wasn't._

"Sorry, I shouldn't ask that," I mumble before taking another puff.

He steps in front of me.

"You're right," he says, his voice tinged with anger. He runs a hand through his hair. "I don't get you Bella, isn't this what you wanted?"

_What I wanted? _He's looking at me with confusion and sincerity in his eyes. A laugh, a hysterical laugh bubbles its way up my throat and out my lips. Years of fumbling hands, whispered words of love, and secret meetings and what came from it? It was stupid to start. I knew it. But I couldn't stop. And now he's marrying a girl who is the complete opposite of me. God forbid he has any reminders of what we used to be.

"No," I state flatly and drop my cigarette and step on it. "What I wanted doesn't matter, it never did. I'm going to bed. I'll see you tomorrow." I finish and head back inside.

My eyes burn as I make my way to the elevator._ Just get to the room. Then you can fall apart._ As soon as I close my hotel room door, my knees buckle and I completely fall to pieces.

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Oh Bella, all the cigarettes in the world can't make that feeling go away. Being heartbroken sucks. What do you guys think so far? Interested? I'd love to hear your feedback!


	2. Chapter 2: Present Day

Thank you to everyone that's reviewed and followed this story! Your feedback drives me! I really am having fun writing this story, which is saying something- because usually I hate the write process. If there's anyone out there that can relate to that, please let me know!

Also, if there's an One Shot that you're interested in reading/me writing, please let me know. I believe that challenge could be fun. Once again, thanks for all your lovely feedback!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

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xxx

**Present Day. Four Seasons Hotel: Bella's Room**

I stare at my puffy face, tear streaked and red. I'm a mess. _When weren't you a mess? _My throat is raw and my chest hurts. Fuck, everything hurts. Splashing cold water on my face, I inhale a deep breath before leaving the bathroom.

My phone beeps. Leah.

I reach over and listen to her voicemail.

"Bella," her voice is shaking and quiet. _Shit. What's happened now? _"Um, something's going on with mom. She left again. I think it's my fault," she says while crying. "I just, I don't, just call me back. I don't know what to do," she breaks off sobbing. "Please, call me."

The message ends. _Goddamn it. _My mother is always pulling this kind of shit. Leaving for days at a time and her asshole husband _**always **_blames my sister. I'm so tired. I'm tired and I don't have the energy to deal with this right now.

Letting out a growl, I call my mother.

"Hello," her voice is quiet. She knows what's coming.

"Are you kidding me?" I demand. "You can't just leave every time you get angry. Leah is calling me, sobbing Mom."

She's quiet. It pisses me off.

"Are you going to answer?" I say my tone cold.

"Leah is awful to me, and Charlie just lets her -

I see red.

"What the hell is wrong with you. Are you even listening to yourself? Leah has nothing to do with this," I cut in. "This is about you being a shitty parent. So spare me your excuses. Go home mom." I say.

"How can you say something like that!" She cries and I roll my eyes. "You know how she is-

"What I know is that she's extremely upset and worried about you, stop blaming her for your bad behavior," I say.

"But she-

"Look I'm tired and I've had a shitty night Mom, I don't have the energy to deal with your bullshit tonight," I say. "Go home and get your husband's claws out of my sister's back. Leah has enough problems as it is." I say before hanging up and tossing my phone on the bed.

_Jesus Christ. Mother of year. _

Renee is a typical example of someone who never should have had kids. She doesn't have one maternal bone in her body. To her we're just problems, something in her way.

I shoot Leah a text saying I called mom and that she should be back tonight.

I walk over to the fridge and grab a bottle of wine. I fully plan to drink until I forget how Edward's face looked while locking hands with Tanya.

The first time I met Tanya comes to mind. I instantly hated her. She was sweet, successful and clearly smitten with Edward. My father fawned over her like some long lost daughter and Edward looked at her the way he used to look at me. I knew in that moment I'd lost him completely. And I hated her for that.

I bring the bottle to my lips, no need for a glass. I'm drinking alone._ You're always alone._ I cough a little. I don't even like wine. But I need this, I need the numbness, I need to forget how much this hurts.

Halfway through the bottle, and I'm drunk. My eyes feel heavy and my body feels dizzy.

A loud bang echoes through the room. I nearly jump out of my skin. Stumbling over to the door, I look through the peep hole.

It's Edward._ Shit._ I don't want him to see me like this. Maybe if I ignore him he'll just think I'm sleeping.

His face is twisted up.

He knocks again.

"Open the door Bella, I know you're awake," He demands.

_Fuck. He sounds angry. _My hands tremble at my side. I shiver at his tone. I want him to go away. I want him to come in. I want him to say he loves me. I want him to want to marry me instead.

"Seriously Bella, I'm not leaving until you open this damn door," He says.

I jump at his loudness. Slowly I open the door.

He looks disheveled, but his eyes are narrow as he forces his way in.

"This isn't what you wanted?" He demands and goosebumps erupt down my arms. "So what is it that you wanted."

The room suddenly feels small. He's too much and the fog from the wine disappears. He's too far and too close. His stance goes rigid with my silence. He takes a step forward towards me and I step back, my lower back hitting the table. His eyes are wild and there's a flush to his cheeks. _Apparently I wasn't the only one drinking tonight._ It shouldn't make me feel smug, I should feel bad that I've crashed his wedding. That I told him the truth instead of just letting him be.

But I don't feel bad. I'm a bitch.

"I'm done playing games with you Bella," he whispers, his tone cold. "So what was it then? What was it that you wanted when you looked me in the eye and told me to move on."

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Author's Note: Angry Edward makes me swoon. And can we talk about how bitchy Renee is? I know making Renee a classic bad mother is cliche on here, but I'm hoping to do it in a realistic way. Leah is a character that doesn't get much love on , so I really wanted to put her in this story. I actually like Leah and I think she's one of the most underrated characters in the series. Like that whole situation with Sam, that was seriously messed up. That would turn anyone into a bitch. Anyways, please let me know what you think! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Until tomorrow Friends!


	3. Chapter 3: June 2007

So now the back story begins!

Quick Note: Leah and Seth are adopted in this story.

**Author's Note:** Alright Friends, that M rating I talked about, well that's officially starting now. There are some really disturbing elements in this story. To be honest, it's necessary to the plot and character development. There won't be anything too overboard, but disturbing material will be discussed. So there's an official trigger warning in place. Abuse is real, and it doesn't just happen in books and movies. It's also hard to talk about, because the victim usually either believes they deserved it, that it wasn't that bad, or they're ashamed. So if any of you need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to message me.

Phew, OK, depressing Author's Note over. I know, super quick update. (I did say this would be updated frequently!)

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

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xxx

**June 2007: Bella and Leah's Bedroom**

Leah sits on her bed, clutching a pillow to her side, crying. She's so tiny. The room is dark and her cries echo through our wooden, non insulated walls. I turn over, my back towards her and try to sleep. But her hiccups keep me awake. This entire day was a complete nightmare. Finally I sit up and face her.

"Why did you do it?" I whisper.

Leah hiccups again and whispers, "I don't know."

She seems so fragile. _How much can a kid go through? _

"Look Leah," I start before pausing. I really want to make sure I word this right. "You can tell me, I'm not mom. I just want to know what made you think that was a good idea," I finish.

She sniffles and then sits up. Her black hair falls into her face, her cheeks are puffy and red.

"I don't know why I did it," she whispers then looks down. "I don't why I am the way I am, it's not like I like it. I just wanted to feel special."

My heart breaks. Special. She just wanted to feel special. And my stepfather called her a whore. I get up and tip toe to her bed before sitting down and grab her hands.

"You are special, I know mom and dad said some really mean things to you, but you are special and beautiful," I say and she starts crying harder. "But Leah, what you did was dangerous. Getting in those chat rooms, talking to men you don't know, what if something really bad happened to you?"

She cries even harder. "I know, and I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be like my mom," she says.

"You're not, Leah," I say squeezing her hands then hug her. She melts into my arms. "Dad never should have said that to you, you're not a whore and you're not like your mom."

She tightens her hold on me. "But I am. I know I am. I told that guy I wanted to fuck him."

_Jesus. _She's only ten.

"It's not your fault," I whisper to her shaking form. "Your birth mother let some really bad things happen to you Leah," I say leaning back and look at her. "Let's make a deal, why don't you tell me the next time you want to do something like that again. OK?"

I smile at her. She smiles back at me, but it's a sad smile.

"OK," she says nodding to me. "I wish you didn't have to go to your dad's," she says looking down. "Mom's always more mean when you're gone."

My body tenses. I'm looking forward to finally getting away from this shit show of a family, but part of me feels guilty, guilty because Leah needs me and Seth can barely get his clothes on right, and certainly not without some shitty comment from my parents.

"I know, but it's only two weeks, then I'll be back," I say.

She finally lets me go and scoots back towards her headboard, leaning back.

"At least you get to go to Colorado. I'm so jealous," she says with a huff.

I laugh a little.

"Skiing and my coordination are not a good mix. Watch me come back with a head injury," I say with a snort.

She giggles. "Yeah, I guess. You did fall down the stairs last Summer."

How could I forget? I literally tripped over nothing and fell down the stairs in front of everyone at church camp last year. When a cute boy helped me up I literally wanted to melt into the floor from embarrassment.

"Well, at least I got out of off season basketball practice," I say with a laugh. "Ugh, I can't wait to graduate," I say falling back on the bed. "I swear, after our last basketball game ever I'm going to stick that ball on a spike and light it on fire," I grumble.

"And your jersey," she quips.

Yes. All of it. _I__f__ only I could just quit. Seriously, just because I'm tall doesn't mean I'm gifted athletically. _

"We should go to sleep, my flight is super early so I got to get up in a few hours," I say while getting off the bed.

She groans and pulls the covers over herself as I climb into my own bed.

"Goodnight Sissy," she says with a yawn.

"Night," I whisper back.

I wait till I hear her snoring lightly and then open my nightstand and pull out a bottle of cough syrup. _I just need to sleep. _I take a gulp and fall back. It's been over a month and I'm only getting 2-3 hours a night. I'm starting to feel like I'm going out of my mind from sleep deprivation. _Stupid nightmares. _I don't know why I have them. I just do and the anxiety keeps me up.

I close my eyes and feel the codeine slowly spread through my body. _Thank God I'm getting the hell out of here tomorrow._

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Poor Leah. So I know there's no Edward in this chapter, but worry not my Friends! Starting next chapter there will be heavy Edward! I'll probably update in the morning. So as always, thanks for reading!


	4. Chapter 4: June 2007

Thanks for all your feedback! I really wanted to get ball rolling on this story, which is why I uploaded the chapter before so quickly. Anyways, as promised, Edward has returned!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

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**xxx**

**July 2007: Carlisle Cullen's House**

I stare at the ceiling as Rosalie mutters in her sleep. _I swear, between her and Leah, I'll never get any sleep. _Rolling over to my side, I fiddle with the corner of my comforter. _I wonder how Leah's holding up, things are always worse when I'm gone. _It's not as if things are great when I'm home, but my mother's mean streak is dampened when I'm there. Her husband is such an asshole to her, well to everyone, it's easier to make her see when she's letting him use her.

My fingers fumble for my shitty flip phone, because _"Why do you need an Iphone when you can't text and use the internet?" _Charlie's voice flits in the back of my mind.

2:57. _Jesus. I've really got to get this insomnia situation under control. _I flip my phone back down with a groan. I've literally been lying here wide awake all night. _Might as well get up. _I crawl out of bed and head to the kitchen. Esme always has something sweet she baked.

As I round the corner, the kitchen light under the sink is on and Edward's back is to me as he rummages through the fridge. It's crazy how much he's grown since last year. He wasn't overweight by any means, just still had all his baby fat. Now, he's taller and thanks to football he's started to muscle up some.

He grabs something I can't see before turning and closing the fridge. He eyes me for a second before sitting down at the island bar.

"Can't sleep?" He asks while breaking off a piece of cookie dough.

I shrug, "Not tired."

He just nods then extends a piece a cookie dough towards me.

"What some," he offers.

I slip into a chair beside him and take the piece.

"My grandmother told me if I ate this I would get worms," I say eyeing the piece in my hand.

He chokes a little before laughing. "Oh yeah, what did you say?"

I smile a little. "I didn't say anything, I just ate it anyways."

He laughs again. "That's disgusting."

I pop the piece in my mouth. "And complete bull. I think she was just tired of not ever having enough dough to make the cookies."

He snorts. "Probably, but still. Worms? What kind of person says that?"

I laugh again. "She's a little eccentric."

We fall into a silence while we munch. It's awkward again. I don't know when things shifted between us. We used to be best friends, but the past few years we just stopped talking. I'm not sure what to make of him anymore. He doesn't feel like my sibling, not like Rosalie. He's just this random guy that happens to be here when I visit.

"You pumped about Colorado?" He finally asks.

I'm not. The probability of me landing in the ER is fairly high.

"No, not really. Skiing doesn't really suit me," I mumble.

His body goes stiff. _The hell? _I don't know what I've said, but clearly I've just pissed him off. _Jesus, so I don't want to go skiing, what's the deal?_

"We're only going because dad said you'd never been," he says, his voice tight.

_OK, your point being? _I still don't know why that makes him so pissy.

"Yeah, it's whatever, I mean I'm not unhappy about it, it's just not my thing I guess," I say.

Silence.

Edward's fingers flex at his side and his eyes narrow.

My heart beat goes up. I'm nervous, but I don't know why this is happening. He's so wishy washy.

"You know, he only does stuff like this when you're involved," he says not looking at me. "I've been asking him for years if we could go back to Denver, but he's never been interested. But of course, you say you've never been skiing, and suddenly now we get to go," he says, his voice tight.

My cheeks flush and my chest tightens. _Is he for real? _

"Well don't blame me, it's not as if I control him," I say.

His head whips back to me, his eyes are narrow and his body is rigid.

"But I do blame you," he says getting up. "It's like the whole world only revolves around you when you're here. Like the rest of us don't matter. He planned this entire trip for you and you don't even care. How selfish could you possibly be?"

My mouth opens and closes. _Selfish? I'm the selfish one? Is he freaking kidding me? _But my confusion soon begins to morph, and I can taste it. My skin feels hot, and my hands start shaking.

"Selfish." I say my tone quiet and cold. "I'm the selfish one," I say with a bitter laugh. "He leaves us and then gets this whole new family and I'm the selfish one," I finish laughing louder.

His eyes flash.

I don't care.

"My dad left too, you don't see me whining about it," he says.

I want to hit him. Because he has no fucking clue. My dad loves him, my dad loves his mother. My dad takes care of him. My dad loves Rosalie.

My step father only loves himself. And my mother, well my mother only loves us when it's convenient.

"Get over yourself Edward," I spit out. "You see him everyday, I see him once a month. You don't get to call me selfish."

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Yikes, a little jealous much Edward? PS: My grandmother actually did tell me that eating raw cookie dough would give me worms. Gross.


	5. Chapter 5: July 2007

Hey Everyone! I just want to keep thanking you for all the reviews, follows and favorites! Your support and feedback mean so much to me!

So I realized I messed up on something, the date is 2007- not 2017. Ugh, it's so embarrassing. But anyways, thought I would clear that up. So starting from chapter 3- it's 2007.

Happy Reading!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

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xxx

**July 2007: Empty Church Classroom**

Wednesday night church sucks.

_I'm so tired of all this being shoved down my throat. _My fingers run across the piano in the empty room. I should be in bible study, but there's only so much religion I can handle. With Christian school, church twice on Sundays, school chapel, and church Wednesday nights, my tolerance is running low. I fiddle with the piano keys, trying to pick out chords that sound nice.

Trying and failing, I huff and start playing 'The Hill' by Marketa Irglova. The sound washes over me, my voice soft and light. I'm not trying to attract an audience. _God forbid my dad finds me here instead of wasting my time in that stupid study. _The sound is haunting, and something inside me shifts, an emotion that I keep locked away begins to crack under the pressure.

My mother's face comes to mind. Her eyes, hard and unforgiving, harsh words escaping her lips. My eyes begin to burn. _Stop it. _My fingers play the notes harder.

_Stop being weak._

My voice cracks.

_You're always so fucking weak._

I shake my head, refusing to cry.

_So weak._

"Pretty sure you're not supposed to be here."

My fingers clang against the piano as I nearly fall backwards off the bench. I whip my head around. Edward stands leaning against the door looking at me with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" I snap.

He just smirks at me.

"Seriously, dad will lose it if he finds you skipping," he says with a frown.

I roll my eyes.

"I don't know why, it's not as if they're teaching me anything I haven't heard before," I grumble.

He lets out a laugh. "Tell me about it."

It's strange, normally he's all Mr. Goody Two Shoes. He's always so involved in the church and is the lead guitarist to the teen praise and worship team. The guy actually has been the speaker sometimes. It makes me want to vomit.

He walks over and sits down next to me on the bench.

"If dad made me go to Christian school on top of all this, I might go a little crazy too," he says with a smile. "I mean, I like church and all, but everyone needs a little break."

"I hate church," I admit.

Horror floods through me as his eyes go a little wide. _Damn it! Now he's going to run his mouth and the family is going to stage an intervention!_

"Why?" He asks and I shrug in response. "Personally I like being surrounded by people who support me, at school most people don't get me, don't get why my relationship with God is so important. It can be exhausting, trying to navigate all that," he confesses.

I look at his face. Hard. I'm trying to figure out whether he's full of shit or not. To be honest, I never gave much stock in the whole relationship with God. My mother sure as hell does. _"You have a submission problem Bella, God specifically states that children are supposed to be submissive to their parents." _I had scoffed at her and earned a slap to the face.

"People will believe in anything to make sense of the world around them, to feel better about their shitty lives. It makes them feel that all the bad things that have happened was all for some bigger purpose. Sometimes life just sucks," I say my voice toneless.

He frowns at me some. His eyes are soft.

"What a sad way to live if you ask me," he whispers.

His face is sincere and I flush. _I don't need your pity. _I turn my head to avoid his disturbing gaze. We sit in silence for a moment. Suddenly he nudges me with his shoulder.

"You've gotten better at playing," he says before putting his fingers on the keys. "I'd almost forgotten how good of a singer you are," he says I blush a little.

His fingers press down on the keys and the familiar tune of "Falling Slowly" fills my ears. It makes me uncomfortable. He begins to sing, his voice is warm and it sends heat down my spine. My heart begins to beat a little faster as he effortlessly sings, his voice breathy and just-

I can't help but blush. Whatever I'm feeling, I shouldn't be. This is Edward. My step brother. We've known each other since we were four. _You're just fucked up. _But then it's my cue to sing. And I do. He harmonizes with me. He smiles at me while he sings, as if oblivious to the feelings warring inside of me.

I want this moment to stop.

I want it to never end.

And now he's looking at me, really looking at me. He's looking at me as if he's really seeing me, as if for the first time.

The song ends, his chest heaves, and his eyes are dark. I can't look away and warmth slides down my spine. He's so close. Suddenly he stumbles to a standing position. The moment is broken.

"We should go before dad finds us," he says not looking at me before he quickly leaves.

_Just what the fuck was that?_

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Author's Note: I am not religious, but I did grow up in a very conservative, Christian home. There are plenty of Christians I know who are lovely. Please don't take offense to Bella's scathing view points on religion if that's important to you. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! (PS: things are only going to heat up from here!)

Also, quick question- what time would you guys like me update? I have up to Chapter 9 already written, so my schedule is pretty flexible. I usually update between 12-3.


	6. Chapter 6: July 2007

You guys are so awesome! Thanks for being so interested in this story! I'm so excited to see where all this leads us! As of now, there will probably be quite a bit of chapters for what I have planned. It's been a long time since writing a multi-chapter story has flowed so well. If you have any constructive criticism or complaints, please don't hesitate to tell me.

I will probably stick with updating this story between 12-3 everyday, probably closer to 12/or 1.

So without further to do, here's the next chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

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xxx

**July 2007: Movie Theater**

_What am I doing here? _

Edward and I stand in the concession line. He seems at perfect ease unlike me. I'm completely freaking out. _This is so stupid. _I tap my foot against the carpet and he eyes me.

"Jumpy much?" He asks with a smile.

I want to smack that smile off his face.

"No," I huff. "I'm just impatient. I hate lines."

He rolls his eyes before suddenly he stiffens.

"She's here," he whispers then grabs my hand.

She's blond and wearing the shortest shorts I've ever seen. My mother would skin me alive if I ever left the house like that.

"This is stupid," I say. "I don't understand why you won't just ask her out," I snap.

His eyes frantically scan the room. "Shh, she might hear you," he says gripping my hand tighter. "Besides, this always works. If she thinks I'm unavailable then she'll be more interested."

This time I roll my eyes.

"Sheesh, sounds like too much work to me," I say under my breath.

We move forward in the line.

"You're a pretty girl, every guy wants to date you," he says. "Don't knock on me just because I have to work for it a bit."

Now this takes me by surprise. _Oh yeah, I have boys lining out of the door for me. _I nearly snort. But I don't get him. He's 'hot' by most girl standards and plays football, he shouldn't have to do all this to get a girl's attention.

"She's coming over here," he says his tone rising a notch.

_Ugh, and they call me dramatic._

She flips her bleach blond hair over her exposed shoulder, her lips are coated in a sugary pink gloss and her she has light blue eye shadow on. She kind of looks ridiculous. Her eyes rake over my non- form fitting jeans and t-shirt. A nasty little smirk unfolds on her lips.

I raise an eyebrow at her and hers go a little wide before she turns to Edward.

_You're not the only one who can do resting bitch face._

"Hey Edward," she says smacking her gum in her mouth.

_Gross._

"Hey," he says and gives her a hug.

She smirks at me.

_Jesus. _

"So who's this," she says pointing to me.

Edward immediately grabs my hand. "This is Bella," he says. "What you guys seeing?"

She gives me a nasty look, not that Edward notices.

"When a Stranger Calls," she says then smiles brightly. "I like scary movies."

_Oh. My. God. This is her idea of a scary movie? _I try not to. But a small laugh slips through my mouth.

She glares at me.

"Sorry, there's a funny guy over there," I say.

Edward immediately looks around confused.

"Well, it was nice to meet you," I pause.

She stares me down again.

"Natalia," she says with her nose in the air.

_Dear God._

"Natalia," I say with fake grin plastered to my face. "We should probably get our seats now," I say pulling a less than enthused Edward behind me.

We settle in our seats and the lights dim.

"Well, she just seems lovely," I say in a sarcastic tone.

"Hey, she's actually really nice," he says.

I scoff. _Yeah, she was nicely sizing me up all right. _

"What? She is," he protests.

"Yeah, yeah," I say waving him off. "I'm sure she is."

The previews come on and he grabs my hand again and I look at him with confusion.

"She's watching us," he whispers.

_I thought only girls did this stupid shit. _

His hand is warm.

As the movie rolls on, his thumb lightly caresses circles over my hand. It feels nice. It feels weird.

I stiffen. His head turns towards me.

"What?" He whispers.

I feel heat creep up my cheeks.

"Nothing," I whisper back.

He looks at me, but I can't read his expression.

"What never held hands before?" He asks with a smile.

I don't answer. Because I haven't, nor have I wanted to.

"You know," he whispers in my ear causing me to jump and him to chuckle. "You not really good at hugging either."

"_Yeesh girl, I'm going to have to give you lessons on how to hug." _My father's words float through my mind.

"We just don't do any of that at my house," I mumble.

He frowns a little.

"What, hugging?" He asks.

I just stare at the girl screaming on screen.

The silence extends, his thumb not once deviating from it's caresses.

"That, I love you's," I whisper. "Any of it."

* * *

I had a lot fun writing this chapter, there's just something about these two's chemistry that makes me swoon. Colorado trip is coming up soon, I'm so excited to get those chapters up, the story is really going to take off!

I'm considering doing this story in Edward's POV, would you guys be interested in that? Let me know!

Like always Friends, I hope you are enjoying this, and please leave your comments! I love reading them and replying! Till tomorrow!


	7. Chapter 7: July 2007

So this update is coming a little early, we have company coming over this weekend so I'll be cleaning all day. Fun, fun. Ugh, I hate cleaning. Anyways, thanks for your feedback about Edward's POV.

Hope you guys enjoy the update!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

* * *

xxx

**2007 Carlisle's House: Kitchen**

"Rosalie, phone down."

Rose rolls her eyes at my dad before putting her phone in her pocket.

"Hey, you know the rule," my dad says as he sits down at the dinner table. "No phones at dinner."

She reaches across the table and puts some spaghetti on her plate. "Well, why is yours still out?"

My dad glances sharply at her as he pours himself a glass of wine.

"Because, unlike you, I have patients," he says before taking a sip. "Now let's say grace."

Edward grabs my hand, Rosalie the other.

"Father, thank you-

Edward's hand clench mine three times with the last time being so hard I feel like my hand is going to break off. I hiss in response and kick his shin.

"for this lovely dinner, and -

Edward groans and squeezes my hand hard again. _Sheesh, is he trying break my damn hand? _

"Stop it," I hiss under my breath.

He sticks out his tongue at me

"Kids," Esme chides and immediately Edward's hand relaxes. I glance at him under my lashes. He's staring right at me and frowns in a dramatic fashion. I bite back a giggle.

"Amen." My father finishes.

Edward doesn't release my hand, he pulls it under the table, his thumb presses down softly then slowly unfolds his fingers from my own.

_Three times, we haven't played that game in years. _My breathing is labored, and I know I'm blushing. _He was just horsing around. Chill out. _

"So, are you guys all packed, you know we're leaving bright early at 6am," my dad says as we eat.

"Yeah," Rosalie says. "But I don't get why we can't just fly, then we wouldn't have to get up at the crack of dawn," she complains.

Rosalie was never much a morning person.

"Because, they're some really pretty landscape on the way, and it'll be good bonding for us," my dad says.

I hate how 'family this' and 'family that' he is. _God, he such a romantic. _

"That's if Rose and Edward don't kill each other in the process," I mumble.

Esme chuckles and Rose huffs.

"That's because he doesn't know when to stop being an annoying little-

"Rose," my dad cuts in.

She drops her fork. "What?"

"Be nice," he says.

She crosses her arms over her chest and leans back in her chair.

"But I am right," she says.

Edward glowers at her and stabs at his asparagus. "Well, if you weren't so stuck up all the time maybe we'd actually get along."

Rose's eyes flash and she leans over me.

"God, you are so annoying-

"Rosalie," my dad's voice booms. "We do not use God's name in vain."

I roll my eyes. _I swear, I cannot wait till I graduate. _

"And you," my dad points at me. "This is a serious offense, and to be so disrespectful not only to me but to God by rolling your eyes is unacceptable."

Edward's body goes rigid.

"I think you're over reacting Dad," he says.

Dad puts down his fork and looks pointedly at him. "I most certainly am not, and this doesn't concern you," he says sharply. "Look Kids," he says, his voice now more gentle. "I know that my opinion isn't always popular, but we are held to a higher standard, God's standard."

_God, can't we just go five minutes without injecting God and religion into the conversation?_

"And, since I'm associate Pastor, we really are held to a higher standard," he says.

_Ah, there it is. Public image, god forbid we embarrass you. _This entire conversation leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. _As if you have any leg to stand on, where was God's standard when you were cheating on my mother?_

His self righteousness pisses me off.

"We get Dad," Edward says. "Can we change the topic now?"

My dad looks at him for a moment.

"Fine then," he says. _Thank God._

We finish our meal talking about Colorado. I tune out the noise. I'm still on edge. I don't know why this irritates me so much, it's not as if it's anything new. I guess my tolerance is starting to fade. Between Leah, Seth, my fiasco of a mother and her asshole husband, I find my patience wearing thin.

"Edward and Bella, since Rose helped with dinner you two clean up," he says as he and Esme retreat to the living room and we both groan

"I pick clearing the table," Edward shouts.

_Dick. _He knows how much I **hate **doing the dishes. There's just something about handling wet food, seeing it even, that completely grosses me out.

"Jerk," I hiss at him and he just smirks at me.

He stands up and leans into my ear and whispers "Not my fault you didn't call it fast enough."

His breath tickles my skins. My heart beats faster with his proximity, so I grab my dirty napkin and hit him square in the face with it before running off.

He frowns. "Yeah, you're definitely going to regret that."

I just laugh as I start rinsing dishes. "Oh so scared," I mock.

Edward clears off the table in complete silence. _Well crap, I wonder if he's actually mad. _He ignores me as he wipes off the table. When he finishes I still have pans to rinse and clean. _Lucky you. _

He walks up beside me and grabs a pan.

"What are you doing," I ask surprised that he isn't leaving.

He shrugs. "Taking the higher road," he says as he sprays the pan and begins to scrub.

I just watch him out of the corner of my eye. _He's acting really weird. Actually he's been acting weird since I got here. _We've spoken more in the past three days than we have the past three years combined.

I turn my head and go back to scrubbing.

Suddenly I get hit with a spray full of water to the side of my face. I squeal and drop the pan. Laughter erupts from his mouth as I wipe my face off.

_You have got to be kidding me. _

"You think that's funny," I hiss.

He just keeps laughing.

_Well two can play this game Asshat._

I lunge for the sprayer, trying to wrestle it from his hands. Water goes everywhere as we struggle. His body rams into mine sending us both back into the counter, his arm goes around me catching me before I completely ram myself into the edge of the counter. The sprayer drops. We're both drenched. His body is pressed into mine. His eyes drop to my shirt.

My very white shirt.

Which is wet.

And now see through.

_Shit. _Heat flames up my cheeks.

"Um, I should uh," I fumble out and he just blinks at me.

"Yeah, you should go uh, take care of that," he says, still looking down.

But he doesn't move. He has me caged against the counter, his hand still pressed to the small of my back. My thighs clench. There's an uncomfortable sensation going on down there, it feels warm, achy and a slight burn. I want it to stop, but it feels good. It scares me.

Suddenly his eyes go wide and he backs away. "I'll uh, clean this is up," he says refusing to look at me.

My breathing quickens as I race from the kitchen.

* * *

And the tension rises! Like always Friends, please let me know what you think! Till tomorrow!


	8. Chapter 8: July 2007

Colorado is here people! Wonder how Bella is going to handle skiing. Ugh, this story, I've fallen in love with writing again. Honestly, you guys are so amazing, all your feedback, follows and favorites have kept me going!

Also, if anyone wants to Beta this story, send me a PM. I normally have a friend who reads my stuff before I post, but life is super busy for her right now. I mainly just need someone to read for content (though grammar is a plus).

Well here's the next chapter- I hope you guys enjoy it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

* * *

xxx

**2007: Colorado. Lodge**

I hate car rides. Especially long ones. My legs are sore from being cramped for hours on end. Rosalie and Edward couldn't get past five minutes without bickering. So naturally, he got thrown to the back with me, because Rose is 'the oldest, so she gets first privilege." _Lucky bitch. _Edward spent most of his time listening to his iPod and I spent most of mine leaning against the window.

_At least he let you put your legs across his lap. _Thank god for small mercies. The memory of his fingers lightly brushing up and down my covered leg makes my cheeks burn. I don't know what's going on between us. He's different. Or maybe I'm different. _You're over analyzing. _I shake my head willing the memory to go away.

The door to my and Rosalie's room creaks open, it's dark but I can still see the outline of Edward's face come into view.

"Hey, you want to watch a movie or something?" He whispers.

I look over to Rosalie's sleeping form, her phone still in hand. She'd been talking to her boyfriend for over an hour. _She must have fallen asleep on the phone._

I nod and quickly throw off the covers and tip toe out.

I follow him into the living room area. There's blankets on the couch and a couple of pillows. Edward makes a pallet on the floor and I go sit down as he picks up a few DVDs.

"So, Dark Knight, Just Friends or Gladiator," he says holding them out to me.

I mewl over the choices._ Just Friends, now that won't be awkward at all._ I almost snort._ Gladiator, that's a safe one. I mean, blood and violence, nothing sexy there- __except for shirtless, buff men beating the shit out of each other__._

"Gladiator," I say as I hand it back to him.

"You just want to watch a shirtless Russell Crowe," he teases.

_Damn straight._

"Well, not initially, but now that you mention it," I joke in return.

He laughs and shakes his head while popping in the movie. We settle with our heads leaning against the edge of the couch. Ten minutes in, a sudden sharp pain radiates through my foot. I groan and lean over and start rubbing my arch.

"You ok?" he asks sitting up as well.

I nod in silence as I rub, but another groan soon escapes my lips. _Shit, this is going to be a bad one. _I'm prone to foot cramps, I get them all the time, but usually I can get them under control pretty fast. Not this one though, soon it's going to start spreading up my leg.

"Here," he says and scoots down and pulls my foot in his lap.

His thumb presses in the middle of my arch and I nearly shriek. No, I'm not dramatic at all. As he rubs my foot I feel the muscle slowly start to release. But my leg is sore from it and being cramped up in the van for hours.

"Try to lean back," he says still rubbing my foot.

I fall backwards against the pillows propped up.

As the movie plays on, his fingers slowly start creeping up my calf. _Crap, I should have thrown on some pajama pants instead of these shorts. _Goosebumps break out down my skin at his touch. He doesn't say anything about it, he just keeps on lightly sweeping his fingers up and down my lower exposed leg while his face stays glued on the screen.

My leg is prickly, having shaved a couple of days ago, the skin is no longer smooth._ I wonder if he thinks that's gross._ My cheeks burn more so at the thought. But he doesn't seem to mind, seeing as he continues touching my leg in soft sweeping motions.

My breathing becomes shaky as chills go down my spine. A familiar tingle spreads through my abdomen and warmth slips downward to a place I'm not entirely used to. I suddenly have the urge to vomit.

A different memory slams into me. And I'm no longer is this room, I'm miles away and it's someone else's hand kneading my legs. My breath catches. This sickening feeling slams into me, and I can't breathe. It's so intense it starts in my toes creeping up my legs. _This can't be what that was, no. NO. Because that would mean, __and he wouldn't do- Stop Bella. Breathe. _Edward's hand lays flat against my leg as he rubs my calf muscle. Now there's a different feeling, I want this, but I don't. I don't know what I want.

His head slowly turns to me. His eyes are fixated on me, his expression tense.

_He feels this too. _

This should make me happy.

It scares me.

I think I like it.

He lifts his hand, his fingers skim all the way up to my thigh, his breaths heavy and nearly-_ Is he panting-_as he climbs back to where I am, his touch creating tingles down my skin. Then I feel it, the warmth between my legs.

I'm wet.

There's a burning sensation, an ache. It's an uncomfortable ache. I have the sudden urge to release it. _I wonder if he does too. _

Our shoulders touch and his hand leaves my leg. I let out a shaky breath. He grabs my hand, his fingers intertwine between mine.

"When was the last time you actually slept?" His voice is scratchy, strained.

I swallow.

"I don't know, months ago. I have nightmares," I confess.

I don't know why I said that part, it just tumbled out of my mouth.

He scoots down, softly pushing me down with him before lifting an arm and presses me to his chest.

"I don't sleep much either," he mumbles.

My body is tense.

_What am I doing?_

_What the hell am I doing?_

But I can't answer that, because I haven't a fucking clue what I'm doing.

_We shouldn't be doing this. It's not right._

But his body is warm and my body relaxes. I can't remember the last time anyone actually held me. I flush in embarrassment.

"_Stop annoying me, I'm busy," _my mother's irritated face, tone laced with venom and resentment floods through me. I'm back to being a child again, and I feel stupid.

_So weak. _

Self disgust wells up inside of me. I want to untangle myself from him. But I'm too exhausted to try. So I don't. I just lie there, my hand curled around his waist and close my eyes.

* * *

Poor, confused Bella. This chapter was a little difficult to write. Clearly Bella has some issues she needs to work through. Hope you guys liked it! As always, please let me know what you think! Till tomorrow!


	9. Chapter 9: July 2007

So I think most of you will like this chapter. Also, I didn't specify this before, but Bella is 16 right now and Edward is 17. This chapter was actually a little hard to write, because I'm trying to keep things age appropriate (for the characters anyways). I hope you do enjoy this one though, and please let me know what you guys think!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

xxx

**2007 Colorado: Lodge Swimming Pool**

"Wow Chica, who knew you had a rockin bod under all those clothes," Rosalie muses with a wiry grin.

I stare at myself in the mirror. The bathing suit is fairly modest, it's a halter top that has about 2 inches of band underneath my breasts, and the bottoms are nearly shorts.

It's still the most revealing bathing suit I've ever worn out. My mother would raise hell if she knew Esme bought me this.

Rosalie does have a point though, despite how much I hate playing basketball, my body is tone, not overtly, but in a soft way. I look at the way my small breasts swell against the black material. _Thank god I finally filled out some. _

"Thanks," I say before turning to look at deep red bikini.

Rosalie is by far the prettiest girl I have ever seen. She's curvy in all the right places and years of cheer-leading definitely paid off. She's the very definition of blond bombshell.

"Emmett would go crazy if he saw you in this," I say.

She smirks a little before whipping her phone out.

"Well then, let's get a pic then," she says pouting to the camera.

Her smirk widens as she texts it to him. She tosses her phone back in her bag and grabs a towel.

"Come one, I've been dying to get in that hot tub," she says then walks out with me trailing after her.

Her hips sway in a flirty manner. I'm a little jealous. Rosalie always knew how to be flirtatious, something I could never quite figure out. _That's cause you're so freaking awkward._ I flex my fingers as we get near the pool. I feel a little exposed.

Rosalie and I slide into the hot tub seconds before Edward walks in. My eyes glue straight to his forming six pack.

_Holy._

_Mother._

_Of._

_God._

My eyes slide down the little hairs leading down to the V dipping right under his swimming trunks. _Jesus, stop starting before you start drooling. _His eyes snap to mine and the tiniest smirk appears.

Heat flood my entire face. _Shit. _In my embarrassment I look down as he makes his way towards us.

"You two are such pansys," he says standing over us.

"Why on earth would I willingly freeze to death when there's a freaking hot tub," Rosalie says in snide manner.

Edward rolls his eyes.

"Come on Bella, leave little, miss pampered Princess over here. I want to see if I can beat you in a race," he says holding out his hand towards me.

I raise an eyebrow to him.

"Why?" I ask before smiling. "You know you'll just lose."

He fold his arms across his chest.

"Oh is that so," he says before pausing. "How bought this, if you win I'll do the dishes for the next 3 months of visitation. If I win, and I will, you have to rub my feet."

Rosalie crinkles her nose.

"I wouldn't touch your toxic feet with a ten foot pole," she says then turns to me. "I'd just ignore him."

I smile. Can't help it actually. Because he's going to lose. He _always _loses.

"Well aren't we confident," I say with a smirk.

Rosalie's phone rings from the side. _It's probably Emmett. _She gets out and practically prances to the phone before running off giggling.

Edward just stares at me with a determined look in his eye.

"OK, you're on, be prepared for sweet defeat," I say and he smiles before I stand up, stepping out of the tub.

Water rolls off my body and Edward's smile immediately falls. He stares at me and I have this need to cover myself but re frame. His wide eyes sweep down my body, as if he's drinking me in. It's shameless and confidence sweeps through me. _You're not the only one drooling now. _

_Wait- the hell! Stop this. Stop thinking things like this. It's not right._

"I uh, I'm, I forgot something," he stammers before running off towards the locker room.

Edward never stammers.

_Okay. Well that was, anticlimactic._

After waiting for nearly ten minutes, I finally decide he's not coming back and Rosalie will be on the phone for hours. So I go the girl's locker room, pull on a t-shirt, grab my stuff and make my way back to the room.

When I get inside the lights are off. _Dad and Esme must still be out then. _I want a cup of hot chocolate but I need a shower first. I open the door and realize the shower is on. The white, nearly shear shower curtain hardly hides anything.

The silhouette of Edward invades my eyes, his moaning sweeps over my body as his hand is gripping himself. I'm stunned, shocked and mesmerized. I should leave. I should turn around, close the door and leave.

But I don't.

My eyes can't stop watching as he strokes himself faster.

Wetness floods my bottoms. And that ache is back. Another moan tumbles from his lips. My fingers itch to touch myself. I clench them instead.

_Is this what he's been doing?_

His other hand suddenly smacks the porcelain tile as he stokes himself even faster.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," he pants.

And goddamn if it's not the most filthiest, sexiest thing I've ever heard escape from his mouth.

His head falls back as his hand slows, stroking himself in long, fluid motions.

Suddenly I close the door quietly, because the last thing I want is him to catch me watching him. Running to my room, I close the door, leaning back against it panting some.

_Edward just masturbated. And I'm pretty sure I caused it. _

A new wave of wetness floods between my legs and the ache becomes too unbearable. _Shit, I need, I need-_

I throw myself, stomach down on the bed. My fingers hit that spot that's burning for my touch. The way his fingers slid up and down himself overcome me as I rub myself, my toes curling with the sensation. Images of him in the shower assault my senses. The way his hand stroked up and down, his head hanging back, the sound of his hand hitting the tile, his filthy panting.

Chills run down my spine, my muscles clench up, wetness coating my fingers, a pressure reaches it's apex.

_Please, please, please._

I imagine his fingers stroking me, rough and hard, how his mouth would feel on mine and suddenly the damn breaks. I bury my face in the pillow, muffling my cries as my legs spasm, riding out my orgasm on my hand.

My body melts into the bed, boneless and relaxed.

It doesn't last long.

_What the hell have I just done. Oh my god. Oh **my** god. I just- and he- _

_Shit! _

I feel dirty.

I feel ashamed.

* * *

Well damn, Bella and Edward getting a little self love. Hope you guys enjoyed that. Happy Friday! Hopefully I did this chapter justice! Have an awesome weekend Everyone! Till tomorrow!


	10. Chapter 10: July 2007

Oh my gosh you guys, I'm so sorry. I had a family emergency so my entire weekend was complete chaos. But I'm back home and back on track! I hope you guys understand! Tomorrow I'll be back to my normal schedule 12-3. Anyways, so sorry about the delay, I know that's annoying.

Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

* * *

xxx

**July 2007: Colorado Ski Slopes**

"Bella, would you just breathe?" Rosalie's voice washes over me as she squeezes my hand.

_Breathe? Oh yeah, I'm just going to be jumping off this lift to my impending doom, no biggie._

I gasp for air, metal images of me flying down the hill screaming like bloody murder before I slam into a tree invade my mind. _Of all the vacations, why couldn't we just go on a cruise or something? _

"This is a bad idea Rose," I stutter. "You don't understand, I don't know what I'm doing!" I say, my voice rising.

Rosalie's eyes narrow and her grip on my hand tightens.

"You are freaking yourself out, it's not that bad, you'll be fine, I promise," she says.

She's trying to comfort me.

It's not working.

The lift jolts a little and I nearly scream.

"Jesus Christ Bella, you're going to have a panic attack," she says.

_Well no shit Sherlock, thanks for finally catching on._

I clutch my ski rods. _Just breathe, you can do this Bella, it's not as if you're going die. _Rosalie releases my hand and shifts in her seat.

"Ready, it's almost time to jump," she says.

_Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! _My eyes scan the white slopes beneath me, if I wasn't damn near hyperventilating, I'd think it was beautiful.

_Oh my god. Okay Bella, just jump. Jump and ski, it can't be that hard right? _I think I'm going to be sick.

"Let's go," Rosalie says pulling my arm before jumping.

I yelp as her action causes me to lose balance and tumble my way out landing belly first in the snow.

Groaning, I stumble to a standing position and wipe the snow off my face. _Well, that wasn't too bad. The worst part is over. _I drag myself over to the side, staring at the downward slope before me. It seems to go on for miles. _Wow, it really is beautiful._

Bracing myself, I get into position. _Okay, they showed you how to do this. If you need to stop, just do the V move._

I push off.

The cold wind whips across my face, my heart beat skyrockets. I feel like I'm flying. A smile unfolds across my face, laughter escapes my mouth. _This is amazing! _All previous fear and worries melt away as I fly down the hill.

Except there's one issue.

The orange mesh fence coming into view at the bottom.

And I'm currently flying towards it.

_Oh shit! Make yourself stop! _My legs go to the V position but it doesn't do anything.

My heart beats wildly for an entirely different reason.

_Oh my god! It's not working! It's not working!_

My hands drop the ski rods, my legs go into a spread eagle and this high pitched noise fills my ears.

It's coming from me.

I'm screaming like a banshee with my arms flailing as I fly down the hill. I notice people around me whipping their backs, staring, but I don't care. Because that orange mesh fence is coming rapidly into view.

_Oh my god. I'm going to die! I knew this was a bad idea and now I'm going to die!_

"She's going to hit it!" someone screams.

The people at the bottom start yelling, diving out of the way as my skis trip over each other and I tumble face first into the fence.

I just lay there, eyes closed, my hands and skis tangled in the fence. _Ugh, please just let me die. _I hand taps on my shoulder.

"You okay there?" It's a male voice.

I groan a little and roll over.

My heart stops.

Blonde hair, the prettiest blue eyes, cheeks flushed. I think he's an angel. _God, how more cliché could you be Bella? _But hot damn, he is just so _hot. _A blush creeps up my cheeks. This would have been perfect. If I wasn't tangled into the fence, having screamed like chicken with it's head cut off.

Suddenly I have the urge to melt into the snow.

Mr. Hotness crouches down in front of me with a frown.

"Does anything hurt," he asks.

"Yes, my pride," I mumble out.

_Shit, I just said that out loud._

He flashes me a smile and laughs, his body relaxes as his arms wrap around me to help me to a standing position. _Can I just melt into you please?_

He wipes some snow off my face with his gloved hand and steadies me.

"Well, you certainly know how to make an entrance," he says.

I'm mortified.

"Well, hand-eye coordination was never my strong suit," I say with a grimace.

He laughs.

"Well, thanks for um," I say gesturing to the fence. "For um helping me up."

He smiles at me and my cheeks flame up again. _God this is so embarrassing._

"I'm Mike," he says holding his hand out and I shake it.

"Bella," I say.

"Well Bella, is your family here? I could help you find them?" He says looking around.

Suddenly a sharp pain radiate up from my ankle. _Shit, I think it's sprained._

"Uh, yeah, if you don't mind," I say limping forward.

He looks down at my leg and frowns.

"You probably shouldn't walk on that right now," he says. "Why don't you take your skis off and I'll carry you on my back."

I have to physically keep myself from squealing. _Jesus, chill out. _

"Uh, sure, thank you," I say with a smile.

He helps me take off my skis and hoists me on his back. My head leans on his shoulders some. _His hair smells nice. _I almost sigh. We trek to to the lodge, him cracking jokes and me giggling like some stupid, silly girl.

As we make it inside the lodge, I see my father and Edward's back. My dad's eyes go wide and rushes over to me.

"Bella, what on earth happened?" He asks and Edward turns around.

His eyes meet mine, wide with worry before seeing Mike. They narrow for a moment. _He looks angry. _He strides over to us.

"Just a minor accident," Mike says as he helps me to my seat.

"I think I sprained my ankle," I say to my dad.

My dad crouches down and looks at my ankle.

"We should probably get you to the room," he says.

Edward looks at Mike, his stance rigid and his face annoyed.

"I'll take her dad," he says.

Mike turns back to me and smiles.

"Hopefully I see you around Bella," he says with a wink.

I think I just died.

Suddenly I'm being swooped up in Edward's arms.

"Come on," he grumbles.

I wave at Mike before calling out, "Thanks for helping me!"

Edward stomps to to the elevator.

_What's got his panties in a twist?_

* * *

Ooh, Bella's got a crush. On Mike. Ew. Anyways, I had a lot of fun writing this chapter.

P.S. (the bit with Bella flying down the hill and wiping out the orange mesh fence actually happened to me. Except no cute guy helped me. Just a kid who was laughing his face off. Worst vacation EVER.)

Hope you guys enjoyed that, once again, sorry for the delay! Please let me know what you think!


	11. Chapter 11: July 2007

I told you I'd be back on track! Ugh, I'm so exhausted you guys! This past weekend was killer. And now with Thanksgiving in a couple of days, it's been extremely hectic at the house! I'm probably going to do a Thanksgiving One Shot with these two. So if you guys have any requests, just message me!

Hope you guys enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

* * *

xxx

**2007 Lodge: Restaurant**

First of all, my ankle hurts like a mother.

Second, Edward's been avoiding me for two days.

_Sheesh, he's so moody. _My eyes flit to his sitting form as he devours into his omelet. _I don't get him. He goes three years hardly speaking a word, to being all 'cuddles'- _I shudder- _and shit, only to just ghost me again. What is his problem? _

"Need a refill?" The waitress snaps me out of my musings and I quickly shake my head.

My fork pushes my omelet around the plate. My appetite is shaky. _This is stupid. _But I can't stop from wracking my brain for whatever clearly has changed between us. _Maybe Mike? He did seem pretty off after seeing him carry me in. _I look at Edward again. _But nothing happened, he didn't even ask for my number. So it can't be that._

"Mom and I are going to a wine tasting this afternoon," my dad says. "Have you guys figured out what you all are doing?"

"I was thinking about going to the village, I'm a little burned out from skiing," Rosalie says.

_Maybe if I could just get him alone, I could figure out what's going on with him._

"There's a showing of 'The Blob' at the amphitheater, figured I go check that out," I say.

"Ewww, why would you want to see that?" Rosalie says wrinkling her nose and I roll my eyes.

"Because it's a classic that's why," I retort.

Rosalie just scoffs. "It sounds stupid."

"Of course it's stupid," I say with a laugh. "That's why it's a classic." I say before turning to Edward. "Do you want to go?"

Edward falls back against his seat and looks at me with a bored expression.

"Can't, going skiing with someone," he says.

My dad smiles and leans forward. "Really, who are going with?"

Edward takes a sip of his orange juice, gulping the last bit down.

My heart is beating a little harder. _Chill out Bella. _

"Jessica, we met on the slopes yesterday," he says.

My eyes narrow. A chill goes down my spine. _So it is Mike. _Anger radiates through me as I clench my coffee cup. _You've got to be kidding me. _My fingers lose their grip somewhat as I set my cup down. _Okay, you just need to talk to him. If you can just make him see-_

A jolt runs through me. It's like someone dumped an entire bucket of icy water over my head.

_See what? Jesus Christ Bella, he's your stepbrother! You shouldn't be thinking this at all! _

Then something else hits me, it's dark and unforgiving.

_What if you're wrong, what if you've misread his actions? It wouldn't be the first time, seriously even thinking that Charlie-_

_Stop. _

I cannot go there. It's too muddled, fucked up and uncomfortable.

_I want to go home. _

_I don't know my way around this dynamic._

My breathing is labored, I'm about to have a full blown panic attack. My chest hurts and I feel like I'm suffocating. _You've got to calm down, just stop. Stop feeling. Stop caring. _Slowly the panic and hurt all start to slip away till all there this is nothing. Numb.

"Fun," I say with a smile.

Edward's eyes shoot to mine, they're narrow. _He's angry. _Though I don't know why. He's the one avoiding me. He's the one going skiing with Jessica. So I don't know how I'm the problem in this.

"Yeah, bet you're having loads of that right now," he hisses.

"Edward," my dad's sharp voice cuts in.

But Edward stands up, fury etched in his face.

It's frightening and beautiful.

"What?" He spits out. "She doesn't even want to be here, I'm so sick of always having to cater to what she wants," he continues his voice rising.

I'm stunned. _Is he being for real right now? _The anger is back, I feel coursing through me like a poison.

"That's enough," my father says also standing up.

Edward laughs. "It's true, you expect everyone to just drop their life because she"- pointing to me- "comes around. And I'm sick of it. She doesn't want to be here with us."

My dad's hand slams on the table and Rosalie and Esme jump.

"She is part of this family and you will watch your mouth," my dad says.

_That's rich. _I physically refrain from scoffing.

Edward lets out a bitter laugh.

"Well she certainly isn't my family," he says.

_I'm done. _

Standing up, I grab my purse and make my way to leave.

"Bella wait," Esme pleads.

I turn around.

"It's fine," I say before turning to Edward. "Thanks for your honesty. I'll stay out of your way and you'll stay out of mine from now on."

Something flashes in his eyes. I can't read him. But I just don't care. I'm so sick of feeling unwanted. He's right though. I do disrupt their lives. My dad, well he believes throwing money at me will somehow make me forget that's he's practically nonexistent in my life. That this trip to Colorado was to placate me, to distract me from the fact that he never gets involved in my life. That while he went to every Football game, Cheer leading competition, every musical performance, he actively ignored mine.

_All the money in the world won't make you a great father, Dad. And all the trips and expensive gifts won't change the fact you left me with a crazy bitch of a mother. _

"I'm going to the room," I say and leave.

"You're grounded," I hear my dad say as I walk- _more like- hobble_ away.

I don't know why. Edward's the only one that's being honest.

* * *

Wow, talk about drama. Edward's having problems. Things don't come easy for these two do they? Hope you guys enjoyed this one! Please let me know what think! Till tomorrow!


	12. Chapter 12: July 2007

So I'm updating this a little early today because I'm going to busy all day today.

Who else is stressing about tomorrow? I'm not one for big, family gatherings. Actually there's very little I enjoy about Thanksgiving (except for Pumpkin Pie- now that I could eat the whole damn thing!).

Tomorrow I'll be uploading a Thanksgiving surprise for you all tomorrow with our two lovely characters! (Probably will upload around 8 am)

I hope you guys are enjoying this story so far. We've got a long way to go!

Also, quick note here: Rosalie and Edward's biological dad is Aro - not Carlisle.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

xxx

**July 2007: Colorado Lodge- Bella & Rosalie's Room**

A pillow to the face wakes me up. Groaning, I toss it back across the room before rubbing my eyes and sitting up. Rosalie is sitting on the bed across me, smirking. _God, couldn't have just woken me up the normal way could you?_

"The heck Rose," I mumble then yawn.

"You've been cranky for the past two days. Pouting time is over," she says before clapping her hands. "Let's go shopping."

I just stare at her frowning, because the last thing I want to do is go shopping with her for hours. Besides, most of the stuff she'll throw my way I can't go home with. So I roll my eyes and pull the covers over my head.

"Just want to sleep," I grumble.

Suddenly the ice cold air hits my skin and I yelp as Rosalie pulls all the covers off my body.

"Nope, pouting time is over," she says with a wicked grin.

I scramble up and try to take the blanket back from her, but she successfully keeps it from me.

"Ugh, stop trying to get me to freeze to death," I say pulling at the blanket.

She just shakes her head.

"Look, Edward's an ass. And speaking of ass, I don't know what's crawled up his lately, but just ignore him. He's being a moody little prick," she says before tossing me a sweat shirt.

I pull the sweatshirt on before grabbing some sweatpants, relishing the warmth now radiating across my body. _Thank God._

My mood had turned sour since Edward's outburst. _I mean, it's not as if I think of him as my brother either. _I don't know why it hurts, why his opinion of me hurts. He thinks I'm this selfish, spoiled brat. _Maybe you are. Mom always did say you were self absorbed. _

"It's fine, really," I say before dragging myself to the bathroom.

Rosalie frowns as I pass her.

"No, it's not fine," she says. "Nothing about what he said is fine. Look, Edward's been having issues with our dad and Alec lately. So I wouldn't take it personally," she says following me to the bathroom.

I feel like a ton of bricks have fallen on me. _He could've mentioned something, I mean I opened up to him didn't I? _It stings that he hasn't confided in me, the way I've confided in him.

"What happened?" I ask before I start the shower.

She shrugs as she gets her makeup bag out.

"You know how our dad is, he's really mean to Alec at times, and Alec blames Edward, claims he's the favorite. A week before you got here, Alec showed up at the house in the middle of the night. Said he and our dad were fighting," she says as she puts on her foundation. "Obviously dad knocked him around a bit."

I throw off my clothes and step inside, welcoming the warm water pouring over me.

"That's horrible," I say. _And their dad is a cop. At least no is beating me. _

Suddenly images of my mother back handing me assaults my vision. _But that doesn't really count does it? I mean, it's not as if I'm left with bruises or anything. _Shaking my head some, I will the images to go away as I grab the shampoo bottle.

"Yeah, things have gotten pretty bad over there. But Alec starts fights with everyone, I've watched him antagonize my dad over and over again, then he gets all upset when my dad finally loses it," she says.

Her words leave a bitter taste in my mouth. She's so naive. It's not as if I personally know Alec, but I have seen him and his dad a handful of times, and I've seen enough to know that their dad likes wielding his power over everyone. It's the same with Charlie. The only difference is, I'm not getting into full on fighting matches with him. Charlie's twice my size, that would just be stupid. But the rage, the black out, hand shaking, disorienting rage, **_now that_** I completely understand.

"Anyways, Alec got all up into Edward's face, yelling and trying to start a fight. Edward didn't respond, he just sort of shut down and walked away. Esme drove Alec back home and gave my dad a tongue lashing, threatened to report him to his supervisor," she continued.

_As if that would do much good. He's a cop, and they'll protect him. Just like Charlie's protected by his team of judges. _

I finish washing my hair and the rest of my shower before getting dressed and open the door. Edward's standing there, towel in hand his eyes narrow on Rose.

"Could you not run your mouth about our personal business," he says with a sneer.

Rosalie's eyes flash.

_Oh shit. _

"Look, I don't know what crawled up your ass and died, but you seriously need to take a chill pill," she says stepping into his personal space.

Edward's hands grip the towel hard.

"It's not any of her business what goes on with our dad and brother," he says before sneering at me.

White hot anger courses through me. I'm sick of his hostility. I've done nothing to deserve it.

"I swear to God Edward, if you don't cut your bullshit I'll-

"Just leave it," I say with a tight voice and they both look at me. "He's right, it's not my business."

Edward's lip curls into a nasty smirk. His stance is cocky, and it pisses me off.

Rosalie shakes her head. "No he's just being-

I cut her off. "It's not my business," I repeat before stepping closer to Edward with a bored expression. "Therefore not my problem," I continue before shrugging. "This conversation is a complete waste of my time," I finish.

Rosalie just pushes past Edward, stomping her way to our room.

"Way to be a bitch Bella," Edward whispers, his tone cold.

The laugh tumbles past my lips before I can stop it. _Bitch. I'm the bitch?_

"Since you don't find it in yourself to care about my feelings, I don't really find it in myself to care about yours," I snap. "You're right, what goes down at your dad's house isn't my business therefore not my problem. You started this, you don't get to call me a bitch," I finish before brushing past him.

* * *

And the drama continues. Poor Bella. I love writing a bitchy Rosalie, because she's a no bullshit kind of gal! Anyways, hope you guys liked the chapter. For those of you celebrating Thanksgiving tomorrow, I hope no smoking kitchen or table fights happen! Till tomorrow!


	13. Edward and Bella's Thanksgiving Fiasco

Happy Thanksgiving!

So I really wanted to write something special for our Edward and Bella, especially since these two have been having such a hard time lately. But what's Thanksgiving without something inevitably going wrong?

So I present to you: "Edward and Bella's Thanksgiving Fiasco"

This takes place five years in the future, so Edward is 22 and Bella 21. The first chapter of this story is four years after this. (Just to give you a timeline).

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

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xxx

**2011 Thanksgiving Day: New York- Bella and Edward's Apartment**

The large turkey sits on the counter, practically taking up the entire tiny kitchen.

_Okay Bella, it's game time baby. You can do this. _

The more I look at the turkey, the more it feels like it's mocking me. _I mean, __even though __you've never cooked Thanksgiving dinner before, it's only just the two of you, so it can't be that bad right?_

The dirty dishes piling like Mount Everest catch the corner of my eye. _I should probably deal with that first, you know, that way I won't be as stressed._

Scrubbing pan after pan, I catch the clock. _Shit, it's already 8. Thank god Edward's volunteering. _Edward has been volunteering at the soup kitchen every Thanksgiving Day for the past 3 years. It's not my thing, but his generosity, passion for others, and complete selfless attitude is part of why I love him. Thinking back on how we got here, the amount of pain we both put each other through, I can't help but feel grateful how things played out, that I got to keep him.

A smile unfolds on my face with the pleasant memories of the two of us. As I load the last dish in the crappy dishwasher, I reach under the sink, to the container where the tabs are, and…

Nothing.

No tabs.

_Shit. Of all the things to run out of, and today of all days._

Placing my hands on my hips, I stare at the dishwasher frowning. _Oh wait! Esme did say you could use dish soap if it's an emergency. _Grabbing the bottle of Dawn, I pour the liquid into the little cubby, close and start the dishwater.

Grabbing another pot, I pour about 4 inches of water and put it on the stove top and turn it on high. I grab a couple of cinnamon sticks, orange rinds I had peeled earlier, nutmeg and ginger and throw all those in the pan. Within 5 minutes the comforting spicy and citrus smell wafts throughout the apartment.

_Another great tip from Esme. _

Feeling much more calm, I baste the turkey and toss it into the pre-heated oven.

_Things are going to be fine. God, I hope Edward is happy when he gets home. _We had decided to stay home for Thanksgiving, giving the excuse that he couldn't take the extra time off. Truthfully, we decided to stay home because we just didn't want to pretend this year. The holidays are always stressful for us, the same questions- "have you met someone yet" then inevitably "Well, you're not getting any younger, and I want grand-babies," even though we're only 21 and 22.

_I need a cup of coffee. _Turning around to get a mug from the counter, my eyes widen in horror. Large, foaming bubbles are erupting from the dishwasher cascading to the floor, completely covering the ugly tiles. _Oh. My. God._

"Fuck!"

Running to the bathroom where we keep the towels, I grab a few and run back. Somehow, in the span of 30 seconds, those damn bubbles are everywhere. I frantically hit the cancel button, but nothing happens. Finally I just pry open the dishwasher. Water, bubbles and hot steam explode in my face, drenching the floor beneath me. I throw down the towels, trying to soak and wipe up the bubbles as quickly as possible.

It's not working. _You've got to be kidding me! Of course this would happen, because you're Bella fucking Swan, that's why! _Running back to the bathroom to get more towels, I race back to the kitchen and throw down more towels.

But it seems it doesn't matter how many towels I use, the bubbles are winning this war. Sweat pours into my eyes, my clothes are completely soaked. Glancing back up to the clock, I realize it's been over an hour. _Oh my god! It's already nearly 10! Edward's going to be home in just a few hours!_

Glancing around the kitchen, I spot the mop.

"Okay, maybe dry mopping this will fix it," I say aloud.

Taking two steps, I grab the mop and get to work but even though it helps some, it seems to only spread the bubbles across the floor, not actually soaking them up.

"Ugh!" I yell as I toss the useless mop to the side.

_Whatever, I need to check the turkey._

Stomping over to the oven I open it.

The heating element is out.

I just stare at the inside of my oven, with eyes glazed over.

"You have got to be kidding me!" I scream.

Slamming the oven door shut, I stomp to our room, peel off my soaked clothing before throwing on a pair of sweats and a hoodie.

_Just fuck it. Goddamn fucking Thanksgiving. I should just quit. _

Edward's disappointed face pops into my head. Guilt slams into me. I really wanted this day to perfect for him, especially since I know he misses his family. We staying home was more for me than him. Letting out a sigh, I brave the kitchen again. Pulling out the turkey, I place it on the counter and stare at it.

"You will get cooked one way or another," I say with a determined tone.

Suddenly an awful smell permeates in the air, I turn around and see smoke coming from the pot of boiling water. Running over to the stove, the alarm goes off as I turn off the burner. I turn on the microwave fan and quickly disable the alarm before opening up our tiny window.

Running back to the pot, the entire bottom is a complete cracked, charcoal mess.

Stress, anger and disappointment start welling up inside of me. Grabbing the edge of the counter, I lean down and take a large breath to try to calm down.

Instead I get a lungful of nasty smelling smoke.

Coughing violently, I stumble back.

"Fuck!" I scream as I pull at my hair.

Then, because of course this would happen, my foot slips on the wet floor. I grasp at the counter to try to catch myself, but my hand grabs the edge of the turkey pan as I fall to the floor and the turkey comes crashing down on my head coating my head, face and body with raw turkey juice and butter.

Turkey on my back, me sprawled out belly up on the dirty, wet kitchen floor, there's only one thing I'm capable of doing. I cry.

And my tiny cries turn into full on sobbing.

The door to the apartment opens. I see his shoes. _Welcome home Honey, I mean I know I'm a complete sobbing mess in a__n__ equally wrecked kitchen, but hey, Happy Thanksgiving!_

Edward's hand pull me up to a sitting position with him crouching in front of me. He grabs the hand towel and gently wipes my face and smiles at me warmly.

"It seems you've had quite the morning Love," he says.

A little hiccup escapes my lips before I start crying all over again.

"I just wanted everything to be perfect!" I wail. "Then I ran out of dish tabs, and Esme said I could use Dawn, but the stupid dishwasher is so shitty and," I gesture wildly to the floor. "Then the oven element went out and while I was trying to deal with all that, the pot of water burned off and I nearly set the place on fire!" I continue wailing loudly. "I mean who does this happen to! Obviously me! Thanksgiving hates me!" I wail before he pulls me into his arms. "Don't," I say with a sniffle. "I'm going to get nasty turkey juice on you."

He just grabs me tighter. Rubbing soothing circles on my back.

"It's okay Bella, I promise," he whispers.

He holds me a little while longer before he helps me to a standing position.

"Why don't you get into the shower, and I'll get this under control," he says before hugging me again.

"I ruined Thanksgiving," I say with a hiccup.

He laughs, all hearty and it warms me from the inside out.

"Oh Love, come here," he says pulling me in again. "You didn't ruin anything, everything is going to be fine," he says before leading me to the bathroom.

He helps me out of my ruined clothes and turns the shower. I step inside and wash my face, scrubbing away all the raw turkey juice. Edward opens the curtain a little and grabs my hand and pulls me a little towards him. He grasps my chin in his hand and kisses me softly before pulling back.

"Chinese?" He asks.

I laugh a little.

"Yeah," I say.

After finishing my shower, I put on some cozy sweats and go head to our small living room. I sit on the kitchen as he hands me a carton of Lo Mein. His hand caresses my face before he leans in and kisses me hard.

"What am I going to do with you," he says smiling against my mouth.

"I can think of a few things," I say.

He groans into my mouth, pulling my hoodie over my head. It's all hands, skin on skin, kisses and heat.

The Chinese is forgotten.

This is the best Thanksgiving ever.

* * *

I had so much fun writing this! When I was thinking about what to write, I really wanted something lighthearted and fun (especially since I know that some of you will have at least one Thanksgiving fail!)

One quick question- are you guys a Pumpkin Pie people, Pecan Pie people or Apple Pie people? (Personally, I'm Pumpkin Pie all the way!)

Anyways, happy Thanksgiving Friends! Hope you enjoyed some yummy food and had fun spending time with loved ones! Until tomorrow!


	14. Chapter 13: July 2007

Hope you guys had an amazing Thanksgiving! Mine was pretty good, except for the nasty burn on my wrist- damn turkey.

Things are moving along quite a bit here. I'm really excited to be posting this chapter and the next!

Thank you to all of you that review, especially those of you that review consistently! I really do try to respond to each of you! Your opinion means the world to me!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

* * *

xxx

**July 2007: Colorado Lodge- Restaurant**

I hate her.

I hate her overly processed blonde hair.

I hate her preppy, pink outfit that looks straight from Mean Girls.

I hate her annoying, high pitched giggles.

I hate her boujee, designer jacket that looks like a sparkle machine vomited all over it.

I hate how she finds excuses to touch Edward.

I hate that he seems to like it.

I **hate** Jessica Stanley.

"So Jessica, is this your first time here?" My dad asks.

He's entirely too pleased with this cookie cutter, plastic bitch. She giggles, for no apparent reason, then places her talon like nails over Edward's arm.

"Oh no, we like, come here, like every summer," she says in a nasally tone. "Like what about you guys?"

I shudder. _God, could she be more annoying. _

Rosalie smiles, all teeth, like a predator and leans over.

"Oh we like, never like, come like, here at all like," she says in a high pitched, preppy voice.

My dad chokes on his wine and Edward glares at her. _My hero. _A little laugh escapes my lips and Jessica rounds on me.

"Oh cool. So, Edward tells me your like his sister," she says, completely oblivious to Rosalie's jab.

My spine stiffens at her words. _Sister. Of course he would say that. _I should just nod. Or agree. Anything other than the bubbling hostility and resentment breeding under my skin, just waiting to roll off my tongue. But it seems that despite my usual self control, I just can't help myself.

"Really, so I'm your sister now," I say with a wide smile. "Funny, just three days ago you specifically stated I was not your family."

"Bella," my dad hisses.

I shrug before taking a sip of water.

"What, he's the one who said it," I say before leaning over towards Edward. "But it's so good to hear you've had a change of heart."

Edward's eyes narrow, glaring daggers at me as his fingers grip the table. Jessica just blinks in confusion.

"Really Bella," he says between his teeth. "Could you just stop making everything about you for just one day."

I want to throw my glass in his face. I want to scream and hit him. I want to make him feel worthless, used and disposable just how he's made me feel. But I can't do any of those things, so I settle on the next best thing.

"You see Jessica, Edward and I aren't actually siblings, we're step siblings. I'm not sure what's got his panties in a twist as of recently, but good luck to you sorting out the landmine that is Edward Cullen," I say before clapping my hands together. "Bread anyone?"

Edward just stares at me with his mouth hanging wide open and Jessica looks uncomfortable. _Finally. Just listening to her talk makes me feel like I'm losing brain cells. She's a real keeper Edward._

"I've had enough with the two of you," my dad says standing up. "Both of you to the room. I swear if you don't have your issues worked out by the time we come back, you'll both be grounded. Bella at least till you go home and Edward, till the end of summer break," he says pointing to the restaurant opening.

Edward groans, "Come on Dad-

"No, both of you. Leave now," my dad interrupts.

Throwing my napkin on my plate I scoot back my chair, the legs scraping against the floor loudly as Edward mumbles an apology to Jessica.

Edward rushes past me, completely ignoring the fact I can't walk as fast due to my injury. _Prick._

_What does he expect to happen? That Edward and I will kiss and make up? _Suddenly I blush at images of Edward's lips descending on my own and I shudder. _Jesus Bella. Pull yourself together. _As I make my way to the room, my heart palpitates harder in my chest. I don't know how to do this, because I don't really understand why he seems to hate me so much overnight.

It can't all just be jealousy, because he knows I haven't seen Mike since the fall. So it must be something else. My hand shakes as I reach for my key and unlock the door.

Walking inside I see Edward, sitting on the couch running a hand over his face. _He looks tired._

I hobble over to the opposite love seat and sit down before taking a deep breath. _Maybe we should just be honest with each other. It's not as if it could get worse. _Edward's whole world revolves around my dad's money and Esme's care. Everything is so black and white for him. Maybe he just doesn't understand where my apathy comes from.

"_She doesn't even want to be here." _Edward's words wash over me.

And he's right, I don't want to be here. Edward's biggest problems is whether he aces his History test, or the big game, or the girl that plays hard to get. I don't identify with those problems, because mine are so different.

_Well, here goes nothing._

* * *

Yikes, things are going to be heating up! No where to run now Edward! And clueless Carlisle, if only he knew! Hope you guys enjoyed this and please let me know what you think!


	15. Chapter 14: July 2007

Hey Everyone! Happy Saturday! So I'm going to be updating this story early tomorrow morning, because I'll be out all day tomorrow. Prepping my father in laws house to be sold. Bleh. There's so many things I'd rather be doing.

Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

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xxx

**July 2007: Colorado- Room**

"I'm not good with expressing my emotions," I start. "They make me uncomfortable. So I don't know to talk to you."

He jerks his head up to mine, his eyes are sharp.

"What does this have to do with anything," he spits at me.

I let out a bitter laugh.

_Everything._

"You make me uncomfortable," I say and immediately he stands up.

"Jesus Bella, way to make me feel any better," he snaps before attempting to stomp off.

_Shit. This is all coming out wrong._

"Wait, that's not what-

He rounds on me, his face twisted and pinched with anger.

"Not what you meant?" He laughs. "Don't back track now. Well I'm sorry if I make your skin crawl," he says before turning his back to me.

"Jesus Christ Edward, would you just shut up and listen for once," I yell standing up. "God, you're so self righteous I 'm surprised that your head hasn't exploded from the sheer size of your ego!"

His nostrils flare as he aggressively walks towards me. I should feel intimidated, but I'm too mad to care.

"My self righteousness, you walk around acting like your better than everyone, you hardly talk to any of us, Esme has been trying for years to get you to see her as second mother, and god forbid you even attempt to say one word to me. And yet you call me self righteous!" He yells.

I'm stunned into silence. _Is this how he really sees me? Like I'm some self absorbed little girl who just sticks her nose up to everyone? _Panic sweeps through me. _Oh my god, you just ruin everything don't you? You're a shit daughter, a shit sister. Because why else would your own mother hate you so much? Why else would __you__ ever leave your sister alone with said mother. And Charlie- _my chest tightens. _No, no, no, no! Mom is crazy! And Charlie- _I just can't, I can't even think about it.

But Edward is in front of me staring at my face, his eyes hard and unforgiving. _Maybe he's right. Maybe all of them are right._

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

His eyes widen, confusion mirroring in them, like it's the last thing he expected me to say.

"What? Isn't that what you want to hear?" I ask.

He lets out a sigh and steps back.

"No," he mumbles before rubbing his face. "I don't know what I want."

"But that's not the only reason you're mad," I say.

_Fuck it, if he requires me to vulnerable, he's doing it to._

His eyes snap back up to mine, defensive.

"Something changed between us, and since the day Mike carried me into the Lodge you've been acting weird," I continue.

Edward shakes his head.

"What does Mike have anything-

"He has everything to do with this," I cut in. "At least for you."

My words hang between us, the air now intense for an entirely different reason. I slowly take a step towards him and his eyes widen, his face panicked, like an injured, cornered animal.

"What do you want Edward," I say.

_Please say me. _Despite my strong tone, I feel like I'm about to shake out of my skin.

He turns his head from me. "You don't understand Bella," he stumbles out. "What I feel, how I see you," he continues then looks down. "It's not right."

_Finally. FINALLY. _Taking a step forward I tentatively reach out and grab his wrist. He hisses at my touch.

"What do you want," I repeat, my voice low.

_Just do something, say something. Anything. _

Edward's stance goes rigid, his face strained. Every part of my body feels on fire, the anticipation mounting. I just want him to say me. He clenches his fists, and sucks in a breath.

Suddenly he turns, grabs my forearms and propels me to the wall. His body presses into mine, his forehead touches my own. A shaky breath escapes my lips as his hands slowly drag up my arms to my neck and finally cradling my head.

His lips are only a breath apart from mine.

"This is wrong," he whispers almost in my mouth. "I shouldn't want this, want you."

My breaths come out in pants, the urge to just lean in and kiss him is overwhelming. My hands creep up his chest and he groans aloud.

"It's okay," I whisper.

It's the wrong thing to say. He's off me before I can blink, his back now to me.

"No Bella," he says his voice rough. "Nothing about this is okay."

I hate that he's right.

* * *

Ugh, these two. I really want to throttle them sometimes. At least Edward's being honest, not just moping around and being a dick. Just a little side note everyone, Bella doesn't live at Carlisle's, so she will have to go home- and believe me, the shit show that is her home is really about to be brought to light. So fair warning. Anyways, hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! See you guys tomorrow!

Also, Bella in my opinion is not weak, but just like most child abuse victims they go through periods of wondering if they're the problem. I don't plan on making Bella a doormat, but she does have issues and those issues don't get resolved overnight. So for those of you that may get irritated that she apologized, believe me, I hated writing that too, but it's a realistic response in my opinion.


	16. Chapter 15: July 2007

So, I think you'll love and hate this chapter!

I just want want to continue thanking all of you that follow, fav and continue to review this story! It's so nice to see people are still interested!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

xxx

**July 2007: Carlisle's House- Bella and Rosalie's Room**

I grab my clothes from the closet and fold them on the bed. Thank god I don't have too much. Memories of last night play over and over in my head. How Edward's body felt pressing into me, his hands against my face, how we came so close to kissing.

"_Nothing about this is okay." _His words create a painful sting.

_He's probably right, I mean, what good could possibly come from this? _Shaking my head, I go back to packing. I don't want him to be right though. I've never felt this way before. Sure I've had crushes, but nothing like this. No, this is different.

_It's just because he's so off limits. Otherwise you wouldn't be so obsessed. _Frowning at the thought, I clench the shirt in my hands. I just wish I'd never gone on that slope. There would be no Mike, therefore nothing setting everything off.

_But you know that's not true. It was only a matter of time before reason began to outweigh feelings. _I hate this. Especially since I'm not alone in this nightmare. Edward wants me to, so it's a little harder to ignore now. Part of me wishes he didn't, because it might be easier. I could just pretend and admire him in secret.

A knock on my door interrupts my thoughts.

"Come in," I call out.

The door opens and Edward steps inside, closing it behind him.

"Ready to go home?" He asks putting his hands in his pockets, shuffling his feet.

There's so much awkwardness now, I can almost choke on it.

"Yes," I say before faltering. "No, not really," I finish as I put my shirt in my suitcase.

Edward just nods quietly.

I go back to folding and packing. I don't know what to say to him, or what he wants from me. So I just don't say anything at all.

I hear him suck in a breath before I hear him step behind me. His hand grabs my wrist, pulling me to face him. He looks anxious, tired and stressed.

"Look Bella," he starts then takes a breath. "I don't want you to go with things like this."

I just blink then look down.

"Don't really know how things could be different," I mumble, refusing to meet his gaze.

He sighs then sits on the bed, pulling me beside him.

"Bella, please look at me," he pleads.

But I don't. I'm embarrassed and I'm afraid of where this conversation is going. _"I was just confused" _or something like that.

He grasps my chin with his other hand and gently forces me to look at him. There's so much concern in his eyes.

"I don't really know what to do here," he confesses. "I wish things weren't like this."

_You and me both. _His thumb caresses my skin. It feels like fire spreading from his fingertips. My breath hitches. _He's so close, too close and too far. _My body reacts before my brain does. Tilting my face up, I close the distance and kiss him.

He freezes against my mouth.

His lips are soft, warm even.

But he's not moving. _Fuck, he's not moving. I shouldn't have done that. Why the hell did I just do that!_

I start to pull away, an apology on the tip of my tongue.

Suddenly his grip on my chin tightens as he pulls me flush to him. A groan escapes his mouth as he slightly parts his lips. His mouth presses aggressively to mine and his other hand wraps around my waist fisting the material in the back.

My brain is spinning, all I can feel is him. I let out a little whimper and suddenly he's on top of me, pressing me into the bed. His erection presses against my most sensitive area and I unintentionally buck my hips up to his. A hiss escapes his lips, his teeth lightly nips my lower lip.

My hand travel up his chest.

_More._

_More._

_**More.**_

He gasps for air as he nearly flies off me, stumbling backwards.

I'm panting, flushed, and beyond turned on. But the dread curling in my belly, crawling and seeping inward makes me want to vomit.

"I'm sorry," I cry out scrambling to my knees. "I'm sorry," I repeat.

_Please don't run._

Edward rubs his hand over his face while closing his eyes.

My heart feels like it's going to beat out of my chest.

"God, Bella," he practically groans. "I'm the one that should be apologizing."

He stands up straighter, a new determination in his eyes. I don't like it.

"This is why we can't," he says pointing to the bed.

But his expression starts morphing into one of anger, and my nerves are fully back.

"Shit," he says, throwing a pillow across the room.

He turns his back to me and walks to the door before opening.

"This can't happen again," he says before walking out.

I feel it coming on, the tears.

_Stop, don't you dare fucking cry. You did this. You don't get to cry about it._

* * *

Poor Bella, at least she got her kiss!

Hope you guys liked this chapter, I know things are taking a little long for these two, but something like this takes time. Please let me know what you think! Happy December 1st! I'm so ready for Christmas already!


	17. Chapter 16: September 2007

We got a real Christmas tree! I'm so excited! It's been a long time since I've gone out and picked a real tree! I'm usually really awful at decorating the tree, but this year I'm going to watch some videos so hopefully this one won't look like Christmas vomited all over it!

I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

* * *

xxx

**September 2007: Renee's House**

"You have a problem with submission."

The statement hangs in the air. My fists curl and my chest tightens. _SUBMISSION._ I hate that word. My cheeks heat up, and I feel hot. Clenching my teeth, I close my eyes and breathe.

_In and out. In and out. In and out._

The tightness in my chest eases slightly, my fists stay curled but I no longer feel like I'm going to implode.

"I haven't even said anything Mom," I say. Opening my eyes I look straight at her. Her lips are snarled, nostrils flaring and she's looking right at me, her blue eyes cold and unfeeling. "So I don't really-

"No. You're just looking at me defiantly," she says. "That look," she continues pointing in my face. "That look is disrespectful. I won't tolerate it."

My chest tightens again. _Why is she so mad right now? Did I miss something?_ My chest tightens again and my hands start to shake.

"And you know what you did, so stop stalling and just spit it out." She says.

_So it's one of those days_. It's like a broken record with her. _What could I have possibly done today to piss her off? This morning seemed fine, she didn't really speak to me, but she didn't seem irritated. School was fine too, nothing out of the ordinary happened. So what did I do?_

_What did I do? I really don't remember. Not that this matters._ I want to take the chair and throw it across the room. My breathing is fast, and I'm hot. I want to run. I want to throw things at her.

"Then why don't you tell me since you seem to know and I have no clue what you're talking about," I say.

Her eyes narrow. _Shit. I shouldn't have said that_. Her hand raises and I close my eyes. I don't have time to move. She backhands me. My eyes well up. _I will not cry. I will not cry in front of her. Stop being so weak. So pathetic. You will not cry in front of her._

"You're grounded," she says. Her chest heaves, and her eyes seem wild. "And you will stay grounded until you tell me what you did."

I turn from her, walk to my room, throwing open the door and slam it shut. _God, what am I even supposed to say to her? I haven't done anything!_ But if I lie, she'll just ground me even longer for being dishonest. _Breathe, just Breathe_. Suddenly the door flies open and a hand is on my arm yanking me hard and shoving me onto the bed.

"You will not slam the door," she screams. "What have I told you about that!"

"You're accusing me of something I haven't even done, you won't listen!" I yell back.

"I am your mother and you will not talk to me like that!" She yells getting in my face. "Do you understand me!"

I clench my comforter. My hands start shaking again, my whole body flushes. I want to scream, hit her, throw the closest thing in reach. My teeth clench. I can't take much more of this. _Just leave! God I want her to just leave!_

"You ungrateful, spoiled, entitled little girl!" She yells and grabs my forearm. My skin burns with her grip.

"I'm so sick of this, of you treating me like this! You're so disrespectful!"

Leah starts sobbing. _Crap. I didn't even realize she was in here._

"Stop crying!" She yells at my sister.

She cries harder.

_Screw it. I'm done._ I don't have energy for this and Leah is sobbing on her bed. This isn't fair to her. God, this entire situation is anything but fair.

"I sorry,' I finally yell. "Okay! I'm sorry," I say, my tone more soft now.

She releases my arm, but her eyes are anything but placated. Her lip curls up. She's not satisfied, not really. She never is.

"You're still grounded," she says before leaving and of course, she slams the door. _Because __**you're**__ allowed to __do __that, right, because you're the parent which means you can do whatever you want._

"Sissy," my sister cries out.

I crawl across my bed and onto hers, her bed facing mine and only an inch apart. She begins to sob, heaving violently in my arms arms. I don't know what to say. I just continue to hold her. It seems like hours pass and Leah's sobs die down and she hiccups quietly.

The front door opens and closes. It's not Charlie, he's working late today. _So mom decided to run off. __S__hocker._ My door opens and my brother steps inside.

"Mom's gone," he whispers. His eyes are wide, and his hand is tapping against his side.

"She'll be back. You know how she is," I say.

He just nods and shifts his feet.

"Why was she so mad Sissy," Leah asks.

_Why indeed? It's not as if I know. She's always doing stuff like this._

"She's just-" my voice breaks. _Crap_. "I don't know, mad at me, don't worry about it okay?"

Leah buries her head in my chest.

"Look, dad will be home soon and he'll calm her down," I say.

But she just wraps her arms around me tighter. She's afraid. _I don't blame you._ _I wonder how long she'll be gone this time._

"Hey, have you guys finished your homework yet?" I ask.

Leah nods her head against my chest.

"Yeah," Seth says.

I carefully unwrap Leah's around me and try to smile.

"Good. I recorded Teen Titans, so why don't watch it and I'll pop us some popcorn," I say.

"Oh yes!" Leah squeals and jumps off the bed. _That's quick._ But I smile.

Maybe I should call my dad. _Yeah, cause that worked out so well the last time._ Moving to the kitchen, I grab the popcorn and toss it in the microwave. I'll just talk to Charlie, he knows how crazy she gets.

Getting the popcorn from the microwave I plop down on the couch with Leah curled up to my side. Seth sits literally two inches from in front of the TV.

"Seth, move back some, you're going to give yourself a headache," I say.

He grumbles but obeys. _His eyesight is getting worse. _As Seth watches the show, pumping his fist to the air, I feel a tinge of sadness. He turns around and looks at me, pushing up his glasses.

"If mom doesn't come back, are you going to be our mom?" he asks.

A tightness forms in my chest. _Aren't I already? _My fury rises again just thinking about our mother. She'll come back, she always does. Even if she shouldn't.

"Please," Leah whispers into my side, snuggling against me more.

_I hate her._

But I don't say that, I don't say I hate our mother.

Smiling a little, I toss a piece of popcorn at Seth's face.

"Bella," he whines.

"Obviously," I say before shifting in my seat some. "But she'll come back."

Seth turns back to the show and we fall into silence.

"I wish she wouldn't," Leah whispers.

_Me too._

* * *

Get ready for a bumpy ride you guys, this is only the tip of the ice burg. Like always, I hoped you guys enjoyed this chapter and please let me know what you think! Till tomorrow!


	18. Chapter 17: September 2007

You guys, this chapter was really hard to write. It makes me so angry, so fair warning in advance. Nothing explicit, just disturbing.

All of you are so amazing. I'm hitting my 'this is usually where stop' point but because of all of your continued encouragement I've stayed right on track! Thing are crazy at my house, we're getting ready to make a big move and this is my escape and way to decompress! So thank you guys for your support, interest and love in this story! We still got lots of Edward and Bella goodness to come!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

xxx

**September 2007: Renee's House- Living Room**

"You ready," Charlie asks handing me the DVD.

"Yep," I say grabbing the disk and pop it into the player.

We both sit on the couch and I grab the blanket by me to cover my legs. Battle Star Galatica is our nightly ritual, we watch at least one episode each night, sometimes two on the weekends. Renee hates it. Not sure if it's because it's SciFi or because she's weirdly jealous. Though I can't guess why. _It's not as if they actually like each other. I mean, they're not even having sex. _

According to Renee, _"He only wants to do it doggy style or he can't get it up. It just makes me feel unwanted." _

Though honestly, why she would want to have sex with him beats me, the guy is twelve years her senior and it's not as if he's the most attractive male around.

The bathroom door shuts and mom stands in the doorway of the living room.

"Bedtime is at 11, don't stay up too late," she snaps.

_Yeah, I know. I'm not stupid._

"She knows Renee, go to bed," Charlie says waving her off.

Something flashes in her eyes as she looks at him then to me. _God, she's annoying. _She then turns on her heels and walks to her bedroom and closes the door loudly behind her.

"She always gets in a mood at night," Charlie grumbles.

"She's always in a mood regardless of the time of day," I mumble under my breath.

Charlie chuckles.

As the show plays, I stretch my neck from side to side. _Volleyball is killing me. I really need to exercise more in the summer so I'm not dying when school starts. _Fingers press on my shoulders and I nearly jump.

"Where does it hurt?" he asks.

"You know, shoulders, back especially my lower back," I say.

The doctor said I had minor scoliosis, and I should probably be wearing a back brace. _Tried that and just no. _Images of my fourteen year old self with that ridiculous back brace flood my brain. It was beyond embarrassing.

His fingers work into my muscle deep, and slowly I feel the muscles start relaxing. Suddenly, memories of Edward when we watched Gladiator come to mind. Charlie's hands go to the bottom of my shirt, raising it up slowly as he continues working his fingers against my skin. A shiver goes down my spine. My heart starts to speed up. My body is responding. My brain feels fuzzy, but the panic is setting in. _This is, I don't, something isn't right._

I swallow as I feel his fingers unclasp my bra- like he's done countless times.

"I don't want this digging into your skin while I'm rubbing your back," he says- like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

I flush in embarrassment. _Jesus Bella, what the hell is wrong with you! He's not actually trying to do anything, you're just overreacting like you always do!_

But the more attention he gives my back, the more my stomach rolls. I'm confused, turned on and feel sick.

_Calm down for fucks sake._

"I need to go to the bathroom," I say and slowly get up, pulling my shirt down, careful not to act weird.

He nods and pauses the show as I make my way to the bathroom.

As soon as I shut the door, I stumble to the toilet and empty the contents of my stomach.

My hands are shaking, my skin is breaking out in cold sweats, and I can't breathe.

_You have to calm down Bella. Just breathe, you're freaking yourself out. There's nothing going on. _

But everything that has transpired between Edward and I have given me a baseline. I can't help but compare the two together. Suddenly self disgust wells up inside of me.

_Jesus Christ Bella, just how fucked up are you? He's your stepdad! He would never think of you like that! _

The bathroom door creaks open, Leah sticks her head in.

"You should be in bed," I say, my voice scratchy.

Leah rubs her eyes but comes in and closes the door behind her.

"You sick?" she asks.

_In more ways than you could possibly know._

"I'm fine, just something didn't settle well," I say.

Leah sits down beside me in front of the toilet.

"You and Daddy are weird," she whispers.

I bark out a laugh.

"Oh really? How so," I ask.

She shrugs. "You just do stuff like my mom and her boyfriend did."

I have the urge to vomit again.

"We just watch stuff, nothing weird about that," I say back.

She gets up and reaches for the door handle.

"Whatever, I'm going back to bed," she says and leaves.

I vomit again.

* * *

Just a quick note, if you ever feel uncomfortable, don't hesitate to tell someone. The most important thing I've learned in my life, if something feels wrong, feels off, or makes you feel weird with a family member, it's probably **NOT **you. There's nothing scarier in the world than to speak up especially if you're confused, but being silent solves nothing. So please, if any of you are currently dealing with this, please, PLEASE tell someone. Don't suffer alone.

Note aside, I hope you guys enjoyed (as much as you can about this topic) this chapter. Please let me know what you guys think!


	19. Chapter 18: October 2007

I'm so sorry this is late. I was so sick yesterday and today I'm not that much better. So please be patient with me. This chapter is a little short, but I don't want to lose the momentum I've gotten so far. Anyways, thanks to everyone who's been reviewing. They mean so much to me!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

* * *

xxx

**October 2007: School Cafeteria**

"Hold up," Angela says leaning across the table. "You kissed him!"

_Shit! Could you be any louder!_

My hand immediately covers her mouth.

"Shh! Why not just announce it to the whole school then!" I hiss.

She smiles a little. "Sorry, you just nearly gave me a heart attack."

I fall back in my chair and fiddle with my crappy ramen.

"So what happened?" Angela whispers.

_Besides making out on the bed before he stormed out?_ I let out a sigh at the memory of his body pressed against mine.

"Well, he certainly seemed into it, but he just got mad and left," I say before taking a bite.

Angela looks at me with sympathy.

"Look Bella," she starts and I already know where this going. "I know you like him and all, but he's right. This can't happen, I mean what would your dad do? And what happens if you guys try and it ends badly? I mean, could you two fully recover from something like that?"

It's a valid question. I hate it. I don't want to be logical. She's right though. If things were to end badly, it could ruin our family. I push my ramen cup from me, no longer hungry.

"Yeah I know, it's just that," I start then pause. "But we kind of already went there, I don't things will be the same again regardless of what we do."

Images of Edward in the shower slam into me, and my own hands catapulting me into my release. _How do I ignore that? Forget it happened? _Shaking my head some, I laugh a little.

"We've already crossed a line, so I fail to see why denying this would be more problematic," I defend.

It's weak, even to me and Angela's eyes narrow.

"That's stupid and you know it," she hisses at me. "Look, you both can act like nothing happened. Go date other people, and get over each other," she continues harshly before leaning back. "I don't get this Bella, you're normally so rational. I mean, you're the queen of not letting your emotions dictate your choices, but this-" she says waving her hand in the air.

It's like a slap to the face. _Damn, what the hell is wrong with me? When have I ever allowed my feelings start calling the shots? _My fists clench. _It's his fault, he lulled you into slowly letting those walls down only to throw back at you. _

"I hate feeling like this, out of control. I don't know how to handle what he started," I say.

"Look, what Edward did was wrong, he started something he had no real intention of following through with. My guess, he didn't know just how much he'd get caught up in it himself. But try to cut him some slack, boys are stupid. He didn't think about the consequences until you reciprocated and he couldn't ignore it anymore." Angela says.

_But I do blame him. _

'_What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way.'_

"I refuse to be the little girl who walks around heartbroken because some stupid boy didn't want her," - _or want her enough- "_I'll just act like I got over it quickly," I finish.

_Shouldn't be too hard. I'm the queen of pretending._

_And besides, what exactly is about him that you like so much anyways? He dared to give you some attention? Jesus Christ, I'm just like every typical, cliché teenager girl that has ever lived._

"Good plan," Angela says smiling. "Look, you'll be over it and besides, he's graduating in the spring. So it's not as if it was going to work out anyways."

There's so many reasons why it shouldn't, wouldn't or just plain can't work out. My brain knows this. I just wish my heart did.

* * *

Oh Angela, the voice of reason. I don't like the voice of reason. Bella and Edward is the next chapter- FINALLY! These two needed a little time apart though to think about what they want. So definitely stay tuned! Also, the 'what a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way' is a lyrical reference to those who don't know- I wish I had written it.

I'm thinking of writing the next chapter in Edward's POV, so if that's something you guys would like- please let me know!


	20. Chapter 19: October 2007

So, I am so excited to post this. This is in Edward's POV, so the style is a little different. God, I hope you guys like this one.

A shout-out to Troye Sivan, cause he was musical inspiration for this. Ugh, he's so dreamy. And his music is amazing!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

xxx

**OCT 2007: Carlisle's House**

Bella is laughing as she blows out the candles. Seventeen. Her fingers work the ribbon on the package. As she ribs open the paper, the tragic smile she flashes my dad before the familiar vacancy fills them makes me uncomfortable.

_Bella Swan is an enigma._

She's always been quiet, her keen eye came across as judgmental. Now, something is so clear, so clear it's nearly tragic. It's something I cannot ignore no matter how much I wish I could.

_Someone hurt Bella Swan._

That keen eye, that I'd misjudged by my sheer arrogance is mocking me. When I found her in the kitchen, I meant what I said, about her entitlement, her apathy and complete disinterest in my family. And now, the pieces fall together.

_Bella never hugged without looking like she was in pain._

_Bella rarely ever spoke what was going on in that head of hers._

I knew she never had a boyfriend before, but her awkwardness in something simple as a hug or holding hands went deeper than lacking relationship experience.

"_What, never held hands before?"_

"_That, I love you, any of it."_

I found myself completely intrigued by her. I never once considered her attractive, not that I thought she was ugly, but just never considered her in that light. And then she sang, and suddenly it was like I was seeing her for the first time. The impact so crushing and suffocating, set my brain into complete panic mode and my skin on fire.

_Bella Swan has secrets._

_What I wouldn't give to know them._

I tried to contain it, the way she affected me, but when she stood wearing that bikini, I couldn't help myself. Shame flooded through me while my hand pumped myself to thoughts of my fingers touching, feeling and fantasies of what laid beneath the flimsy material that left little to the imagination.

When Mike carried her in, I was flooded with rage, jealousy, and this deep want to be that for her. But to what end? What did I want? Being attracted to her wasn't enough. Some part of me recognized there is more, potential for more, but I knew if I opened that door there would be no going back.

I knew she was at least attracted to me, but her confrontation completely unsettled me.

_Bella Swan is brave._

It was then I knew I had to put a stop to whatever was happening to us. There was just too much at stake to risk.

And then she kissed me.

And I ran, like a coward.

I really believed when she left, when I could wake up without seeing her I would come to my senses.

_I was wrong._

She kissed me and I can't stop thinking about it.

Can't stop thinking about her.

I hate myself for it.

And maybe her too.

I know I should move on.

But that's the problem, I don't want to move on.

I don't want to date someone else, be with someone else, kiss someone else.

And if she-

Dear god, just the thought of someone else's hands on her makes my fists shake and my vision red.

She's opening her presents, smiling in such a way I've never seen before. It's bright, happy and carefree.

It doesn't match her eyes.

And speaking of eyes, hers has failed to reach mine since the minute she walked in.

"_What do you want."_

I feel like I can't breathe.

"Thank you," her voice is light as she smiles to Rosalie.

Rosalie gives her a hug and Bella returns it, but there's an unmistakable flash of irritation that passes through her. But it's gone as quickly as it came.

"Well, you guys should go to bed, it's getting late," my stepfather says.

Rosalie whines, and Bella nods. She gets up, runs a hand through her long brown hair, and passes me without a second glace.

"_This can't happen again."_

My own words are mocking me. She finally headed my words. It stings.

My feet carry me to my own room and I sit on the edge of the bed. She's only across the hall. It's so close it burns.

"_What do you want?"_

My hands shake.

"_What do you want?"_

Labored breaths.

"_What do you want?"_

Her mouth on mine.

"_What do you want?"_

I pull my hair out.

"_What do you want?"_

Her soft body pressed against the mattress.

"_What do you want?"_

My hands stroking long and vicious against my length.

"_What do you want?"_

My fingers trailing up her thigh.

"_What do you want?"_

Her bedroom door opens. My eyes snap across the room.

"_What do you want?"_

Her.

My feet are moving towards my door, my hand closing around the knob opening it.

Her eyes widen. A muttered apology before she turns to go back. My hand wraps around her wrist, pulling her inside as a little yelp escapes her lips.

I want those lips on mine.

My body presses her into the door as I close it.

Her hands press against my chest her mouth opening. "What-

My mouth cuts her off. Her hands grasp my shirt pulling me closer to her as I moan into her mouth. She tastes like toothpaste. My tongue sweeps across her lower lip and she opens her mouth. My hands grab her wrists and push them hard against the door as my tongue slips into her mouth.

She cries a little, fighting against my hold, but she's not trying to get away.

_More._

_More._

"More."

Her voice whispers, cracked and desperate.

My hands let go of her wrists slowly crawling down her sides and hoists her up. Her legs wrap around my waist as I carry her to the bed, her mouth kissing, nipping and teeth biting against my skin. Her tongue sweeps over the wound, and I feel on fire.

She's clinging onto me like a lifeline.

_Bella Swan is afraid._

And her bravery despite her fear causes a flood of emotions to erupt inside me I cannot decipher through.

My face rest against hers. She opens her eyes, wide and cautious, her chest heaving under me.

"I tried staying away from you," I breath against her lips.

She leans up, her hand grasping my hair.

"Stop," she breathes into my mouth.

My mouth moves against her. "We can't tell anyone."

Her other hand toys with the hem of my shirt. Her fingers caress the skin and my breath hitches as her hand travels up my chest.

"Then we won't," she whispers.

* * *

I might have swooned after finishing this chapter. I really hope the wait was worth it!

Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, please let me know what you think! I'm very interested in what you guys think about this one!


	21. Chapter 20: Present Day

Brace yourself Friends, this one is going to be intense. We are officially at the start of Part Two. I have been waiting to write this chapter for so long! Ugh, I'm so happy I finally get to post it!

There's so much in Part Two that's going to explain all this tension, so bear with with me.

I hope you guys enjoy this one!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

xxx

**Present Day. Four Seasons Hotel: Bella's Room**

"I'm done playing games with you Bella," he whispers, his tone cold. "So what was it then? What was it that you wanted when you looked me in the eye and told me to move on."

My heart is beating out of control, he's asking too much and not enough at the same time. I want to run, to hide from him, but I can't. My eyes flit to the door.

"Don't you even dare," he threatens.

_I can't breathe. I can't fucking breathe. _I gasp clutching my chest. My stomach rolls. _I'm going to be sick. _

Warm hands grab my forearms, his breath is on my face. He's not holding me for comfort. _He's keeping me from running._

"Just be honest with me Bella," he says, his voice broken, scratchy and annoyed.

_You're having a panic attack. You have to calm down! _

I want to collapse into him. I want to kiss him and beg him to stay, to not want Tanya, to be with me. But what I want is impossible. I can't have him and keep him happy at the same time.

_An impossible situation._

My fingers itch to grasp him, to lose myself in him.

"_You're not good for him Bella."_

Rage, white hot and all consuming flood through me. My vision is red. Everything is red, fucked up and unattainable.

_I hate you._

Suddenly I'm thrashing against him as he holds me to the spot.

"Let me go," I seethe.

I want him gone, I want him to disappear. I want to be over this. Be over him.

My legs kick at him and he grunts. His hand lets one of my arms go trying to contain me.

The room echoes with a sharp sound. His face turned to the side, a red blossoming across his cheek as my hand trembles from slapping him.

My legs buckle as I fall to the ground as he stands there in silence. And the silence is suffocating.

_What the fuck is wrong with me? _

His fists clench at his sides.

"All I've ever done is love you," he breathes out refusing to look at me.

My eyes burn.

"And all you've ever done is break my heart," he finishes.

The room is quiet again, painfully quiet as his labored breaths and my sobs are magnified.

Memories of stolen kisses, hand holding under tables, knowing glances, skin on skin, begging, thrusting, wanting, and sheer pure need slam into me. His love for me is suffocating, his pureness and naivety pisses me off.

A bitter laugh bubbles up my chest and slips out of my mouth. And I can't stop. His eyes snap to me, fury filled and stance rigid.

"Ever the hopeless romantic," I sneer.

"Ever the coward," he spits right back.

We're doing it again, hurting each other and for what? To what end? When will I ever stop hurting him and myself.

"_You're not good for him Bella."_

_An impossible situation._

"Go back to Tanya," I say getting up and turning my back towards him. "You shouldn't be here."

The silence stretches on and on. My chest hurts. My legs are shaky. Goosebumps erupt down my arms, a chill down my spine.

A crash and porcelain shards shatter to my right. My body is turned and slammed into a wall as Edward's body presses into me.

"I hate you," he whispers.

_I hate me too._

His mouth is on me and it's all hot and wet. Teeth clashing and tongue tasting, fingers roughly ripping my shirt up, my own teeth sinking into lips that I taste blood.

He propels us to the bed as my fingers yank and pull on his belt. His hands grab mine and force them back to the bed, a growl erupts from his mouth. Wetness floods my core as I thrust my hips up meeting his erection. Teeth sink into skin, moans escapes our mouths. His hands squeeze my breasts so rough it hurts. A new wave of wetness floods my panties.

I want to crawl into his skin. I want him inside me.

His tongue licks up my neck, little noises fall from his lips as he frees himself from his pants. I'm gasping and panting. The pressure is too much, I'm so aroused it hurts.

"_Please," I had begged, his head between my thighs._

_His smile so bright as my hand tangles in his hair._

"_Always," he breathes. _

There is no sweetness present here, long gone are the days where we made love. Now all that's left is this, just another way for us to hurt the other.

His fingers shove my panties to the side coating themselves in my wetness.

"Fuck," he grunts. "You're so wet."

I arch into his fingers as he plunges his digits inside me. I gasp loudly and his mouth covers mine, his tongue slipping between my lips as he moans while pumping his length with his other hand.

He rubs the tip between my folds, and I nearly come undone. It's been so long, so fucking long since I've felt him.

"Fucking, selfish bitch," he growls as he slams into me.

I almost scream.

He thrusting hard and long. He hoist my legs over his shoulders and crosses my arms across my chest and leans down. The position is deep and so painful and amazing.

"You have two seconds to tell me you don't want this," he whispers in my eyes his tone cold. "Because I'm going to fuck you till you break like the bitch you are."

White hot rage fills me, but his words have me teetering on the edge.

_This is wrong. I shouldn't want this, shouldn't be turned on by this. _

I grasp his neck pulling him roughly towards my face.

"Shut up and get on with it," I spit at him.

He growls into my mouth and thrust into me so hard this time I do scream. He kisses me to drown out the sound.

"Shut the fuck up," he says covering my mouth his hand. "I don't want hear anything from you," he grunts as he speeds up.

It's all skin slapping, wetness and sweat.

The pressure against my spine begins to mount and I'm close. I'm so fucking close.

"Don't you dare fucking come yet," he sneers as he suddenly drags me to the side of the bed with him standing.

His hands wrap around my neck.

_I can't breathe._

My body thrashes.

The pressure builds.

_I can't fucking breathe._

His dark eyes invade my vision.

_I can't fucking-_

I'm falling over the edge, white hot pleasure courses through me, rolling in over and over again.

Edward's face goes slack, his hand looses from my throat as his thrusts become sporadic.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," he pants his mouth open.

The rolls keep going, the intensity failing to die down.

"Stop, stop, stop," I beg as my orgasm keeps rolling into another.

But he doesn't stop.

And I don't really want him to.

He knows me too well.

He collapses on top of me still thrusting deep and hard.

"I love you, I fucking love you," he whispers.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I plead to him, holding onto him like he's going to disappear.

Finally, finally his thrusts slow down and stop altogether. We stay like this, him on top of me, inside of me, my arms clinging to him.

"_You're not good for him Bella."_

_An impossible situation._

This will change nothing.

It changes everything.

_Only you could take someone so good and make them a cheater. _

Guilt, nasty and infectious spreads through my veins.

_Now you've made him as awful as you. Happy with yourself?_

"Dad saw us in New York," I confess.

Edward stiffens above me.

"You want to know what I wanted? It never mattered what I wanted." I whisper.

He's off me wiping himself off with my sheet before tucking himself back into his pants. His face is twisted, rage filled as he grabs his phone.

"Where are you going," I ask sitting up covering myself up with the sheet. My voice sounds so small.

He turns to me, all rigid and fist clenching.

"Did you want to leave me," he asks with a tight voice.

_What?_

"Just answer the damn question Bella," he demands.

I shake my head.

"That's all I need to know," he says turning towards the door opening it and stalks from the room, the door slamming behind him.

* * *

These two, they're going to be the death of me.

Please let me know what you think!

Get ready for Part Two, it's going to be one hell of a ride.


	22. Chapter 21: October 2007

I am so tired you guys. I think I got maybe three hours of sleep last night? Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

xxx

**OCT 2007: Church**

I kick pebbles across the asphalt. _I swear, if I had listen to one more word of that bullshit I might have blown a gasket. _

I can't stand when people start twisting words in a book written by a bunch of men as a way to shamelessly dupe the masses. _Faith of __a __mustard seed my ass._

Seth's face comes to mind and my fingers dig into my palms. If only it were that simple, then all the world's problem would have already been fixed if what they're teaching was the truth.

"You okay," Edward asks standing beside me. "You seemed like you couldn't get out of there fast enough."

I snicker. _Not fast enough._

"Fine," I say instead.

Edward sighs and grabs my hand.

"I wish you would just talk to me, I mean you're clearly anything but fine," he says as his thumb rubs against my skin.

My eyes flicker to the ground. _Can you handle my truth? _I'm not sure he can. Nevertheless, he deserves my honesty, not my canned bullshit.

"People throw the word faith around like it's some magical wand that can solve all the bad shit that happens," I start still refusing to look at him. "It's annoying. My brother is practically blind, and saying stuff like that is an insult to him. It's like, to them, he deserves his disability, because clearly he just doesn't have enough faith to pray it away." I continue pulling my hand out of his. "It's a load of crap."

Memories of Seth crawling on the floor, hand out, feeling for his glasses as Charlie kicks them away laughing fester in my mind. _Where was God then?_

Edward's hand comes down on my should as he turns to me towards him.

"Bella," he says his tone breathless. "Look at me."

My eyes travel up to his face. His eyes are warm, and there is no pity. Concern maybe, but no pity. Suddenly he wraps his arms around me.

There's this need to cling to him, like a starved child. It's overwhelming.

I feel sick.

I hate that I want his affection so much.

_So weak. _

My arms push against him but he doesn't relent. He only tightens his hold. Alarm bells are going off, half of me wants to sob against his chest, and the other half hates myself for it.

"I wish you would just let me in," he whispers.

I go slack against him, not reciprocating his touch but no longer fighting.

It feels safe.

_I hope it actually is._

"You may not like what you find," I murmur against him.

He releases me only to wipe the flyaway hairs from my face. His lips fall to mine as his arm snakes around my waist. His mouth is soft and the kiss is sweet, so different than our previous ones.

"I might surprise you," he breathes into my mouth before kissing me again.

His lips press harder against me, more desperate, needy and hot. We can't do this here, and he knows. So he steps back.

"I don't want you go home today," he says putting his hands in his pant pockets.

"Me neither," I say with a sigh.

We stay like this for a moment, quiet. Soon enough I hear people's laughter as they file out the doors. Our moment is over. He grabs my hand and pulls me to the side of the building, determined before he crashes into me, mouth on mouth, pushing me up against the brick wall.

His hands grab at my dress, tingles go down my spine.

"I have to go to work soon," he mumbles between kisses.

My hands grab the back of neck, my fingers tangling through his unruly hair. My tongue darts into his mouth. He tastes like coffee.

"I just need a little longer," he says.

We're playing with fire, anyone could turn the corner and see us. We need to stop.

But I don't want to.

I want this to last forever.

He pulls back with a gasp, panting while adjusting his pants.

"I should go find dad," I say looking at him for a moment.

He's so good looking, it nearly hurts.

He just nods. I turn to leave but he hugs me from behind. Pressing a kiss against my neck. I nearly moan. _We have to stop. _But I just let myself feel him.

_So weak._

Warmth floods through me.

_Shut up._

_Three weeks. Three weeks and then I'll have him for four days. _

"Bella," Carlisle's voice rings out.

_Time's up. _

Edward's grasp tightens before he lets me go.

We say goodbye and I make my way to the doors. Carlisle is standing there with two other adults.

"There you are," he says before waving at the couple. "We need to get a move on, your flight is in two hours."

I don't say anything as we make our way to the car, my suitcase is already loaded. The ride to the airport is quiet. I sleep on the plane, seeing as Edward and I didn't sleep much at all last night. As I make my way through the crowd I see the familiar face of my mother in view. She's smiling.

A pretty new ring rests on her finger. The diamonds glimmer as they catch the light.

It's not a token of affection. My mother can be bought.

Anger, resentment and bitterness crawl up my throat, but I push it back.

_At least she won't be crazy for a few days. _

Until the shininess dulls. Then the crazy will return.

It always does.

* * *

I hope you guys enjoyed this one!

Also, I've started another Edward/ Bella story. It's dark, romantic and completely different than this one. If that's your thing, go check it out! It's called The Haunting of Edward Masen. That one will be updated on Sundays and Wednesdays!

Till tomorrow!


	23. Chapter 22: November 2007

This chapter is something I wrestled with. To be honest I wasn't sure I was going to put it in here, but decided to anyways. I hope you guys enjoy this one and maybe have a better understanding of Bella's home life. Not everything is black and white.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

xxx

**NOV 2007: Olive Garden**

"I'll have the Fettuccine Alfredo," I say handing my menu to the waitress.

"Okay, and you Miss," she says looking at my mother.

My mom closes her menu and hands it to her. "Just a Caesar Salad, thanks."

_We've been out all day, how is she not starving?_

"Alright, we'll have that right out," the waitress says with a smile before walking off.

"Are you sure you just want a salad?"

She shrugs. "I'm on a diet."

I laugh.

"You're barely over 5'3 and weigh 120 pounds, why on earth are you on a diet?" I ask.

She takes a sip of her water.

"Oh you know, I've got this little pudge going on, so I'm just being careful."

My eyes blink at her.

_Pudge? What is she going on about? I just saw her in the changing room at the mall. There's no pudge._

A sinking feeling falls to the pit of my stomach.

_She promised me! _

"Mom, you're being ridiculous, you don't have a pudge," I say with an annoyed tone.

"You're just saying that because you're my daughter," she says with a laugh.

But it's not funny. Nothing about this is funny.

"You haven't eaten anything all day," I start.

"And I'll be eating a salad now, calm down Bella," she says with more authority.

There's no point in arguing. If she eats her salad, I'll let it go.

We talk about nothing in particular until our food arrives. My mouth salivates as I get a whiff of my plate.

_I swear, I could only eat Italian food for the rest of my life and it'd never get old._

My fork digs in, the creamy goodness bring my taste buds to life.

My mother starts talking, while stabbing a piece of lettuce before putting the fork back down, suddenly changing the subject.

My eyes narrow.

_This won't work with me Mother._

"Honestly, I just don't know what she was thinking," she says enthusiastically waving her fork around before stabbing another piece of lettuce. "I mean-

"Are you actually going to eat that," I cut her off.

Her eyes go wide, a look of panic crosses her face. But it passes quickly and she smiles instead.

"I have been eating Bella," she says waving me off. "Honestly, sometimes you just don't pay attention."

I drop my fork. My fingers dig into my palms.

_Do not yell. Do not yell._

"I'm not leaving this table until you finish eating that," I say with much more calm than I actually feel.

The smile is gone. Her face pinches. _She's angry with me._

_I could care less Mother._

"I am your mother and you do not get to order me," she says coldly.

My fingers grip the edge of the table as I lean forward.

"And because you're my mother you don't get to starve yourself," I say just as coldly.

"Enough Bella," she says slamming her hand on the table. "We were having such a lovely day and you just have to find a way to ruin it."

I'm seething.

_I'm ruining it? **I'm **ruining it?_

I don't understand why she's doing this. I don't understand what could have set this off again. Charlie's face pops up. An anger and rage that has me shaking slams into me. My hands are shaking. _Stop. You can't do this here. Calm down._

"What did he say to you?" I ask.

She blinks at me, clearly confused seeing as she was banking on me retaliating.

_Because that's what you do. I call you out and you twist it back to distract me. But it won't work this time._

"I honestly don't know-

I lean across the table, my hand knocks against my glass nearly tipping it over.

"What did he say to you?" I spit out.

Her face goes white, her eyes wide. She looks like a cornered animal.

_Why? Why is he doing this. _

My mother's cold eyes. _"If only I knew what raising you would be like." _

"_I don't know why I'm like this."_

"_Bella, your mother is just jealous of you."_

"_You don't understand what he's like sometimes."_

I feel like I can't breathe. One minute I hate her and am running to him, and next I'm hating him. I don't know who is worse than who.

Memories of his fingers sliding up my thigh, the vomiting.

"_You and dad are weird."_

"_I just have a bug, it's nothing," her voice weak as she heaves over the toilet. _

I feel like I'm drowning. I love her so much and hate myself and her for it.

_Love isn't supposed to feel like this, is it?_

"Please just eat Mom," I say my voice soft, all fight draining from me.

She looks down, staring at the salad like it's poison.

She takes a bite anyways.

_Because to her, maybe it is poison._

* * *

The feels in this chapter.

Please let me know what you think! More B & E to come!


	24. Chapter 23: November 2007

Thanks so much for all the reviews, follows and favs this story has gotten! Next chapter will have E & B in it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

xxx

**NOV 2007: Alice Brandon's House**

"God I'm so jealous," Alice says while passing me the cigarette. "I swear, your stepbrother is so fine," she continues her voice dreamy.

The memory of Edward pushing me up against the door, his mouth against mine, fingers trailing up my skin makes me blush.

_Oh, he's hot alright. _

"You don't think it's weird?" I ask before taking a drag.

She shrugs her shoulders. "Yeah, I mean maybe it's a little weird. But weird is hot. And it's not like you two are actually related," she says taking the cigarette from me. "Holy shit though, your dad is gonna freak."

Just the mention of my father finding out makes me shutter.

_What a nightmare that would be. _

"Angela says I shouldn't, that it would be irresponsible," I whisper.

_And she's right though, I mean what good do you think will actually come from this?_

"Pfft," Alice scoffs. "Angie's just a stickler. I think it's super romantic. Besides, he makes you happy right? I mean, your mom and stepdad have really done a number on you, seems to me like Edward is helping you."

An uncomfortable feeling settles in my stomach. I'm not sure why. I hate being clingy with him, but sometimes I feel like a starved animal.

"It's weird, I'm not usually all cuddly and stuff, but I kind of like it with him," I admit.

Alice takes another drag, her hand grips the back porch railing.

"I guess it's like being sick, you don't really know what feeling good feels like, until you finally start feeling better," she says softly.

My eyes scan the front porch, beer cans littered the ground.

_I'm not the only one._

I take one last drag before putting the cig out and we walk back inside. Alice's dad is passed out on the couch, the ashtray is knocked over, cigarette butts and more cans of beer all over the floor. Alice quietly picks up the tray and a few of the cans.

"They fuck you up, you know, I mean at least my dad doesn't mean to," she starts before looking at me with sadness. "But your parents, I think they do mean to."

I begin to help her pick up the cans strewn about the room. Her dad is great when sober, he's not even a mean drunk, he just can't take of himself, or her for that matter. Alice grew up fast, otherwise no one would eat.

_How she can even still believe in love is beyond me. I mean, if my mother ran off and left me to rot with an alcoholic I'd be livid. _

I almost drop a can.

_But your dad did leave you, he did run off and leave you with a crazy mother. How's that any different?_

Alice's dad groans and shifts in his seat. His eyes widen as he sees Alice cleaning up after his mess. He stumbles to a standing position and shuffles his way towards her putting a hand on her shoulder.

"I'll do this," he says with a slight slur.

He's ashamed.

_He should be._

But it's hard to be angry when he has the decency to at least try. Or the facade of trying.

Alice just smiles softly at him.

"It's okay Dad, I was cleaning up in general," she says.

Her dad looks over to me, his cheeks still red.

"Do your parents know you're here, I'd figure they'd expect you at church," he says as he wobbles back to his chair before lighting a cigarette.

I shrug. "No."

"You know how they are Dad," Alice interjects. "You won't tell will you?"

Her father looks at me hard, mulling over his daughter's request.

"You shouldn't give them any reason to be angry at you Bella," he says his voice now completely clear. "I say that because I know _exactly_ how they are."

Charlie and Alice's dad had a meeting with child social services. He saw how Charlie was friends with the judges and social workers. Then he saw him backhand the shit out of me.

_I mean, I did pop off, so that wasn't really a huge deal._

But my chest tightens at the memory of blood filling my mouth.

"_You will never speak to me that way again, do you understand me?"_

"Yeah, I know Mr. B." I say. "I should probably be heading out anyways, church was over five minutes ago."

He waves me off. "Yeah, just be careful alright."

When I get into my car, I quickly change my clothes so there's no smell and head to the church to pick up Seth and Leah.

They won't rat me out. They never do.

_Just three more days, three more days and you'll be the hell out of here. _

There's a tightness in my chest at the thought of seeing Edward.

_God, I hope he hasn't changed his mind or anything._

* * *

Ugh, oh Alice. I've been waiting for the right moment to introduce her in! I hope you guys enjoyed this one.

More Edward and Bella hotness in the next one!


	25. Chapter 24: November 2007

I'm an aunt you guys! My sister in law just had her baby yesterday. She was so adorable!

Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

xxx

**NOV 2007: Esme's Sister's House. Thanksgiving Day.**

The pumpkin pie sits on the counter and my mouth is salivating just looking at it.

_Can we just hurry and eat so I can have some of that?_

I hate family get togethers during the holidays. Especially at Sue's house. Her kids are always too loud, crazy and out of control. I'd rather just be home with Leah and Seth. But that's divorce for you, alternating holidays. Next year I'll be home.

A tug interrupts my staring at the pie. I stare down at my little step cousin as she clings onto my skirt.

"I wanna watch Cats," she says.

_Oh god, not again. _

"But we just watched that this morning," I say.

She frowns at me. "But I wanna watch it again!"

Her cheeks are red and her eyes widen. There's a crying fest that's about to unload on me unless I turn on that damn movie again.

Groaning to myself, I take her hand. "Alright, let's go watch Cats," I say as she leads me to her room. "Better than watching football," I mumble as I pass Edward, my dad and Rosalie's boyfriend Emmett.

As we walk past Edward, I glance at him. His eyes flash to me for a moment with an unreadable expression then goes back to the screen as he jokes with Emmett.

_Dismissal._

It hurts.

He's been avoiding me since I got here last night. I assumed at first he was just keeping himself in check, but now, I know it's more. He barely meets my gaze, won't be alone with me, won't speak to me.

I don't what I did to set this off.

_Yes you do, you knew this was going to happen. He's realized what a complete waste this is._

My inner voice is malicious.

I pop the movie in and Claire starts clapping loudly singing along with the movie.

_Not bad for a four year old, she's probably going to be a decent singer in the future. _

After the movies plays for a minute I grab her hand.

"Hey, I'm going to the bathroom," I say as I stand up.

She peers up at me. "But you're coming back right?"

"_Mommy, you're coming back right?"_

There's a painful sensation spreading throughout my chest.

So I smile down at her. "Yeah I'm coming back," I say, my hand smoothing her hair down.

"Okay," she says flashing me a toothy grin before turning her attention back to the screen.

As I find the bathroom door, it opens causing me to jump back a little. Edward stands in front of me.

"Hey," I say.

"Hey," he mumbles as he steps around me.

_Enough. If he's finished, he can tell me himself._

"So, are you done now," I say, my voice cold and demanding. "You could at least tell me instead of giving me the silent treatment," I finish as my hand grips the door frame.

He turns back to me, his eyes narrow.

_Jesus. Will this ever stop._

"Am I done?" He hisses at me. "I don't know Bella, you tell me."

We stand there looking at each other. His chest heaves and my fingers curl.

_"And you know what you did, so stop stalling and just spit it out." _My mother's cold voice plays over and over in my head.

I feel it in the tips of my fingers, slowly spreading up my arms, like poison. My breathing quickens. My hand itches to slap him, to throw something, to scream.

_He doesn't get to do this to me._

"This game gets old when my crazy mother plays it," I spit at him. "I won't play it with you," I say before slamming the door behind me.

I turn on the facet and splash water on my face. I absolutely refuse to play scenario after scenario in my head trying to figure out what he's talking about. It'll just make me go crazy.

_Why can't things just be normal?_

My palm smacks down on the counter, the sting radiating up my arm.

_Fuck it, if this is what he wants to do then I'm out. I get enough of this bullshit at home, I won't do it here._

As I open the door, hands go on my waist and propel me back into the bathroom. Edward's foot closes the door. His head rests on mine, his breaths coming out in short pants. His fingers curl into my sides.

The tension between us is so thick I can almost taste it.

_How is it that we always wind up like this?_

"I called you, multiple times," he breathes against my face. "I just figured you changed your mind."

I'm stunned, upset and even a little angry.

"I'm grounded, I haven't had my phone since the day I got home," I say.

Renee was not all too pleased with our Olive Garden standoff.

_So you just assume I ghosted you? So you just treat me like shit._

My hands push him away. He stumbles back, hitting the door.

"You could have just asked," I hiss at him.

His eyes narrow.

"I hadn't hear from you in three weeks, most people would take that as a break up," he seethes.

My fists clench. I'm so angry.

_He's right._

_I hate that he's right._

Suddenly his shoulders sag as he leans his head back against the door.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have just assumed," he says quietly. "I mean, I know things aren't always easy there."

His words shock me a little.

_He's been paying attention._

Panic flies through me.

"I don't know," I start. "I mean,-

He's on me, his arms wrap around my body, his breath hot on my neck.

"It's okay, you don't have to talk about it," he whispers. "This is my fault, I forget things are different for you," he says more lightly. "Though it might be easier if you would just talk to me."

My hands are trembling.

Charlies fingers against my thigh.

"_If mom doesn't come back, are you going to be our mom?"_

I feel sick, and the walls are closing in. His arms feel suffocating.

Charlie's hands unclasping my bra.

"_What did he say to you, Mom."_

I struggle against his hold. He holds me tighter.

"Don't fight me, Bella. Please," he whispers.

He sounds so broken, so sad.

_Don't cry._

My eyes burn.

_Don't you dare fucking cry._

Wetness falls on my cheek.

_So fucking weak._

He kisses me.

It's soft. His mouth pleading with me.

I feel so raw, so exposed.

I hate it.

"I didn't think about you maybe calling me," I admit, refusing to look at him. "I'm not used to someone caring."

He kisses me again.

"I'll always care," he breathes into my mouth.

* * *

Oh Edward, at least he apologizes when he knows he's wrong. Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!

Next chapter will have B & E again!

Please let me know what you think!


	26. Chapter 25: November 2007

I know, I suck. Sorry this is coming in late. My schedule has been absolutely crazy the past couple of days. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter!

This chapter takes place the night following last chapter- just FYI.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

xxx

**NOV 2007: Edward's Room.**

My hand rests against his door.

_Just knock, it's no big deal._

I hear shuffling on the other side.

_Maybe he wants to be alone, I mean he would have told you if he didn't._

I lean back on the heels of my feet, my other hand taps against the side of my leg.

_God, this is so stupid. You're stupid._

I draw in a breath, steel determination as I go to knock on the door. My heart beats a little faster, a tightness spreads in my chest. You would think after everything, I'd be past this. But I don't want to push him, or push this.

_Fuck it, he didn't say he wanted to hangout, he always does if he wants to see me. _

My mind goes to what happened yesterday, his indifference, his accusations, how he pushed me in the bathroom, kissing me.

_You hurt his feelings, maybe he needs space._

I swallow.

_Yeah, space. _

The door opens.

My eyes blink as he stares at me with a lazy smile as he leans against the frame.

"I swear Bella, I could hear the argument going on in that head of yours from across the room," he says.

I blanch.

_He's teasing me._

I look down, suddenly interested in the carpet.

"I just figured, maybe you wanted space," I mumble.

The silence between us is thick. As it stretches on I feel my heart beat faster and the air suffocating.

His hand grabs mine, pulling me into the room and softly shuts the door behind me as he leads me to his bed.

Images on what happened on this bed play in my mind, and I blush.

_God, you're such a school girl._

"I want you to be just as comfortable seeking me out," he says as we sit, his hand still wrapped around mine.

_As if that's going to happen. _

"Why is that so funny," he asks his voice tinged in sharpness.

_Shit, I didn't mean to laugh._

I pull my hand out of his and wring my hands together. The room suddenly feels smaller.

"Bella," he says with a sigh. "I don't want to push you, but you have to give me something," he says rubbing a hand over his face.

But he is pushing.

_Maybe he should. _

I hate this feeling, this panic, the dread.

"There's something wrong with me," I blurt out.

I nearly smack my hand against my mouth.

_Well, clearly. Why the hell did you just announce that?_

I jump off the bed, and pace the room, my fingers digging into my forearm.

"_You have to give me something." _Edward's words replay in mind.

But I don't want to, I don't want to give him ammunition to hurt me more than he'll inevitably to do in the end.

_Maybe he won't. _

"Bella, talk to me," Edward says.

My eyes snap to his. They're filled with worry as his fingers grip the blanket.

The weight of all the shit I deal with begins to suffocate me, I'm crumbling beneath the pressure. My fingernails dig deeper into my skin.

"They're something wrong with me," I repeat looking at him. "I don't know what it is yet," I say before looking at the ceiling. "Believe me, I've tried," I say with a bitter laugh.

Edward stands and walks to me before grabbing my hands.

"There's nothing wrong-

I yank my hands out of his.

"My own parents don't love me, Edward," I hiss at him. "Obviously there's something wrong with me if my own damn parents don't love me."

His eyes widen in horror.

"Bella, I'm sure that isn't-

"It is," I cut him off. "Your mother says I love you, every night, every time you get out of the car, before you hang up, she says it all the time. Do you know the last time my mother told me that?" I ask. "Well that would make two of us, seeing as I can't remember either," I finish, my tone biting and bitter.

I turn around, not wanting to look at him.

"I'm terrified that you'll find whatever it is that's wrong with me," I whisper. "Then you'll be done, realize what a mistake this is, what a mistake I am."

My eyes burn.

_I will not cry._

My breath catches, my throat swells. I blink back the tears.

_Don't be weak Bella._

A flash of myself at eight years old, my mother's venomous tongue, my sobbing at her words slam into me.

"_Stop crying," she demands, grasping my chin in her hand. "It's annoying, and if you don't stop then I'll give you reason to cry."_

_Crying is weakness. It changes nothing._

Arms circle me from behind, Edward's lips press against my neck as he embraces me tightly.

"I'm sorry," he whispers against my skin.

_Don't cry._

He releases me only to turn me around. His hands cradle my head, forcing me to look at him.

"Bella, I want you listen to me," he says, something in his eyes is on fire. "What you just said," he starts before closing his eyes and taking a breath. "There's nothing wrong with you," he shakes his head as I open my mouth. "No Bella, there isn't. There's something wrong with her."

I shake my head. _He doesn't get it. _

"Bella listen to me," he demands. "There's something wrong with her."

To my horror, it's like Pandora's box is blown open. Every shameful sob tears through my body as I shake violently. I grasp onto his shirt, my chest heaving, and knees weak to keep from falling. His face closes in on my mine, his lips press against my lips.

"You're not a mistake," he whispers over and over again.

_But you are, you know you are. _

But his words feel nice, and I want to bask in them, let them numb the pain, to wash over me. And maybe, if he speaks them enough, maybe they'll become true.

* * *

The feels! Finally, Bella is opening up!

Did you guys like it? Please let me know what you think!

My updating will probably be in the mornings for the next week or so.


	27. Chapter 26: December 2007

First of all, I'm really excited about this chapter! I think it's been coming for quite some time. We still have quite a ways to go before we get to the ending, but I feel we're at the meat of the story now. All the setup has officially been set in place. So major E & B from now on!

I really hope you guys enjoy this one!

Another note: There have been a few reviews stating this story is confusing. Obviously, the last thing I want to do is confuse any of you. So if there is something that you find confusing or hard to keep up with, please review and let me know. I read every review and try to respond to each one, so I really do care about what you think. I believe in constructive criticism, and I don't get my feelings hurt easily. Thanks to everyone who has continuously reviewed and been invested in this story since the beginning!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

xxx

**DEC 2007: Renee's House**

"I hate cleaning our room," Leah whines as we sit between the mountain of crap piling up between the two of us.

I reach for the books and start sorting them into piles.

"Yeah, I know it sucks, but the sooner we get this done the sooner it'll be over," I say.

Leah snickers under her breath.

"Seth never has to clean his room," she says and I laugh.

"That's because Seth is OCD and never gets him room like this to begin with," I say.

_Maybe you should take a lesson from him, you're so unorganized it's embarrassing._

"Seth is just weird," Leah says with a sneer.

The two of them never really got along.

"Cut him some slack Leah, the boy is practically blind," I say as we continue sorting.

Our door swings open, and Leah and I jump as it bangs off the wall. Our mother stands, eyes narrow as she stares at Leah.

_Shit._

"I told you to do the puppy paper this morning, before starting on your room," she says her voice tight.

Leah's eyes flash in anger.

She hates nothing more than cleaning up the soiled mess of our mom's two toy breed dogs.

"I didn't ask for them, why should I have to do it. They're your dogs, you should clean up their gross paper," she says.

_Oh **shit.**_

"Leah," I hiss under my breath.

_If she just would have told me, I would have helped her. _

The hairs on the back of my neck stand, Renee's silence stretches on and my heart beats out of control, thundering as if it's going to beat right out of my chest. Leah's eyes are equally as narrow, her impatience and anger towards our mother is blinding.

_I don't blame you._

"That's it," my mother hisses.

Suddenly she's across the room, grabs Leah by the arm and yanks her to a standing position. Leah cries out and I'm on my feet in a second.

My mother rarely got physical, aside from a backhand or two, but she's been on edge lately, everything setting her off. I don't know what she's going to do. Cold dread seeps into my veins as she roughly pulls Leah out of the room and out of the house towards the car.

Leah screams and fights against her, but it's useless, she's only eight years old and even though my mother is small, she's still stronger.

"Mom," I yell as I race after them. "Stop!"

Seth swings his door open, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

"Stay there," I demand pointing at him before running out the front door.

Mom drags Leah to one of our cars and literally slams her back into one of them.

"You're crazy!" Leah screams. "Get off of me!"

Every wire in my body comes to life, adrenaline surges through me.

_G__od, if we only lived in an actually neighborhood, and not the freaking woods._

"Mom, stop!" I scream.

My mother slaps Leah across the face and Leah kicks at her shins.

"I hate you! I hate you!" She screams.

My mother slams Leah back against the car, her eyes are wild, frenzied.

_This is not my mother._

I'm on her in two seconds, my hands grab at her arms trying to pry her off my sister. Leah's kicking and screaming.

"Mom you have to stop, please," I yell at her. She ignores me, as if I'm not even here.

"You selfish, spoiled brat," my mother shrieks trying to fight against my hold. "I take you in, take care of you, and you're so disrespectful," she continues still not letting Leah go.

"I hate you!" Leah continues to scream. "I hate you and I wish you'd never adopted me!"

My mother elbows me in the stomach and slaps Leah again.

I grab her again.

"Mom, you have to stop," I yell as my nails dig into her arms.

My stomach hurts like a bitch, the wind being knocked out of me. I feel like I'm going to be sick. Seth stands at the door, wringing his hands.

_He's scared._

Edward's words, like a whisper wash over me.

"_There's something wrong with her."_

I snap.

I shove her roughly into Leah, breaking her hold as Leah scrambles out from underneath her. Leah stumbles, coughing and sobbing as she backs away from us.

"Listen up you crazy bitch," I hiss as push her face forward against the car. "If you _**ever **_touch her again, I'll call the police on your crazy ass," I say pushing against her harder. "Do we have an understanding."

She fights against me.

"She-"

My body roughly slams against her.

"Do we have an understanding," I yell.

She goes slack against me.

"Yes," she whispers, her voice broken, crying.

Anger wells up inside of me.

_I hate her._

"Stop crying Mother," I sneer. "It's annoying."

I give her one final shove for good measure before turning to Leah.

"Get in the car," I say and she scrambles to the passenger side door. "Lock the door. Seth," I yell, "grab my purse off table and get in the car," I say but he stands there wide eyed staring at our mother crouched on the ground sobbing.

"But, shouldn't we-"

"Just get my damn purse and get in the car Seth," I yell.

He quickly runs back in and out. His foot trips on the step and he nearly falls.

_Shit. I should've have just done it myself. _

Guilt slams into me, but I'm too angry to pay it more attention than necessary.

I get Seth into the car and hop into the driver's seat.

"Where are we going," Seth asks.

My fingers curl around the wheel.

"To dad's office," I say.

We get there in 30 minutes, Leah's out of the car running into the office. I take a breath and get out before heading inside.

Charlie is looking at Leah's face with a stormy expression.

"What happened," he asks me.

Leah sobs into his chest.

"She went crazy, she got angry at Leah and went completely insane," I finish. "I need air," I announce before turning and going back to the car.

I grab my phone, my finger hovers over his name.

_Just call him. _

They keep track of who I talk to, which is why I told Edward not to call me. I don't want them getting suspicious. But right now I don't care. I'm upset, angry and feel like I'm going to explode. I want to destroy anything and everything in my path.

It only rings twice.

"Bella," Edward breathes. "What's wrong."

_What isn't wrong? _

_My whole fucking life is wrong._

"My mother's insane," I say my voice is calm, tight.

It doesn't sound right.

Edward breathes into the phone.

"Just calm down and tell me what happened," he says.

My mouth opens, ready to admit everything that just happened.

_He'll tell my dad, and then what? Seth and Leah go back into the foster system? _

I scream out in frustration.

"Bella, Baby, please," he pleads with me.

_I can't tell him. _

And God, I already feel the self loathing spreading through my veins for what I'm about to do.

Because I can't just not do anything either.

I've hit my limit.

"I need to move to dad's, I can't be here anymore," I say.

He's silent.

_Fuck. Please don't tell me not to._

"Where are you," he says. His voice is tight, demanding.

"Charlie's office, why?" I ask.

_What difference does that make?_

"Don't leave, I'm coming." He says and the lines goes dead.

_Holy._

_Fucking._

_Shit._

* * *

Oh damn! Bella's finally had enough! To be honest, my heart broke for Bella. So I, as the writer, had enough for Bella. She practically screamed at me to stop being so mean to her. Anyways, this chapter was not supposed to happen, but it just felt right. Sometimes you have to just go with the flow.

Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this one. Next chapter will be intense. Please let me know what you think!


	28. Chapter 27: December 2007

This one is a little emotional, but I think you'll like it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

* * *

xxx

**DEC 2007: Bella and Leah's Room**

Leah sobs into my chest as we lie on the bed. We've been like this all night. Renee was gone by the time I got home. I don't miss her. Charlie's harsh words are branded into me, and while normally I would hate him talking to her that way, what she did to Leah was inexcusable.

"_Don't come home," _He had said while Renee pleaded with him, before hanging up on her.

It should comfort me.

But it doesn't.

Without my mother, Charlie's hand likes to waver even more so.

I glance at my phone. My foot shakes. I'm so wound up, I feel like I could explode.

Edward said he was coming.

He was at least five hours away. I couldn't possibly stay at Charlie's office for five hours. I had texted him to just wait, that I'll talk to Carlisle about it during my visitation.

I wished I hadn't.

_What did you think was going to happen? That he was just going to show up like some knight in shining armor? _

My throat constricts.

_But you did. You wanted him to fight for you. _

It wasn't fair to him what I wanted. What I still want. Asking him to come was stupid. Carlisle would call the police as soon as he realized Edward wasn't coming home.

A knock on my door interrupts my thinking.

Seth pokes his head inside with a pillow and blanket.

"Can I sleep in here tonight?" He asks, wiping his eyes. "I can't sleep."

I motion for him to come in. "Yeah, you can sleep in my bed if you want. I'll just sleep with Leah."

My sister hiccups a little.

"You're such a scaredy cat," she says.

Seth grunts.

"You're such a bitch," he quips.

I roll my eyes.

"Both of you shut up," I say before looking at Seth. "Don't use that word Seth, Charlie will literally beat the shit out of you if he hears you."

Seth plops down on the bed.

"He already did, remember the porch," he says.

His voice is so nonchalant, like talking about the weather. It should be disturbing. Images of Seth screaming while running out of the house, Charlie belt in hand chasing him before pushing him on the railway on our porch beating him with the belt.

I swallow.

Shame fills me as I remember how I begged my mother to stop him. I didn't do anything but beg her.

_You should have stopped him._

_You're a coward. _

Headlights shine through my window, casting an eerie glow on my walls. Leah starts hyperventilating.

"She can't be here," she cries holding onto me tighter. "He said she couldn't come back," she continues her voice rising in octaves. Her eyes go wild.

I let her go and peer outside.

It's a car I recognize.

I feel like someone's slammed into me.

I don't know whether to be relieved or scared as hell.

"It's not mom," I say.

Seth crawls up to the window.

"Who is it then," he asks.

The car door opens. A familiar face comes into view. My heart beats wild in my chest.

"It's my dad," I whisper.

_Edward told my dad._

_He told my dad._

I'm stunned.

I'm frightened.

The knock on the front door is loud. Leah grasps on my shirt like the only lifeline she has.

_It's because you are._

Charlie's voice wafts throughout the house. My door opens. My dad stands in the doorway looking at the scene before him. Leah pushes her face in my chest. Seth just looks at my dad.

"What's up Mr. C," he says with an awkward wave.

If the situation wasn't so entirely fucked up, I would have laughed.

"Hello Seth," my dad says smoothly before walking towards me and a sobbing Leah.

She clings to me as my dad closes in and crouches down in front of us.

"What's going on Bella," he says.

I'm suddenly tongue tied, my mouth goes dry.

I want to be honest, but I'm sorry worried about Leah.

"You're going to take her aren't you," Leah whispers.

My dad's eyes soften some.

"Why don't you tell me what happened Leah," he says in complete counselor mode.

Leah's fingers curl more viciously around the fabric of my t shirt.

"Renee is not well, I've sent her to her mother's for now," Charlie says.

I jump at his sudden entrance.

"Edward told me you wanted to stay with us," my dad says ignoring him.

I blanch at his words.

_It's now or never._

My chest hurts.

Leah cries harder.

"Yes," I say.

Leah completely comes undone.

"No," she shrieks. "You can't leave," she continues as she holds onto me. "You promised us, you promised!"

I blink back tears.

But it doesn't matter.

I'm going to go insane if I stay another minute here.

_Bitch. _

_Yes, yes I am._

"I can't stay here, I can't stay with mom anymore," I say quietly.

My dad frowns some before standing up and looks at Charlie.

"Look, her Christmas break just started," he starts before looking back at me. "Why don't I just take her with me and we'll go from there."

Charlie just nods but Leah won't let me go.

I hate myself as I untangle myself from her.

"Please, please just stay," she cries out.

I shake my head, refusing to answer and refusing to cry.

I grab my purse, and turn to my dad.

"I want to go now," I say ignoring a completely breaking Leah.

"What about clothes-

I shake my head. "No, I want to go right now."

My feet speed past him as I make my way out of the house. As I reach his car, the front door is thrown open as Leah runs towards me. Charlie's rushes out, grabs her from behind as she thrashes in his arms.

"Bella," she screams.

I feel my heart crack.

My eyes burn.

"Bella!" She screams again.

The crack spreads, deepening.

"Leah, stop this," Charlie yells as he pulls her back to the house.

I shake my head.

_Don't cry. _

_You don't get to cry after this, after what you're doing to her. _

"Love me," she screams and I turn back towards her. "Love me more than you hate her!"

The crack in my heart doesn't spread.

It just shatters.

I throw open the passenger side door and slip inside as Carlisle gets in.

We back away from my home.

_And you call mom a monster._

I hate my mother.

I think I might hate myself more.

* * *

Big turning point for Bella! One thing to keep in mind, Edward is still in high school, so realistically, there's no way he could just up and go get her. Most parents would freak out and report the vehicle to police. But don't worry, Edward will have his day, I promise!

I'm curious to know what you guys think about this one! It'll certainly be interesting to see how these two act living under the same roof.


	29. Chapter 28: December 2007

Hello Everyone! I just wanted to discuss a few things. A few people have asked why Bella didn't take Leah and Seth with her or stated she shouldn't have left them behind. I'm right there with you! When I was plotting this out, I struggled with Leah and Seth, but I decided to go for what I believe is realistic for the character. Bella is still very young, she doesn't quite understand how bad things at home are. In her mind, things are not great, but they're not at 'child abuse' level. This is due to her conditioning. The decision to have Bella leave and Seth and Leah stay was not made lightly. There will be consequences for that, part of this story is Bella figuring out what is her fault and what isn't.

So bear with me, I don't intend on just leaving Leah and Seth behind because Bella left. They're still her siblings and she still cares about them.

Anyways, I think you guys will enjoy this chapter. The bright side of things, there will be so much more B & E from now on!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

xxx

**DEC 2007: Carlisle's House**

As soon as I open the front door to the house, Edward lurches out of the living room chair. His stance is rigid, face tightly wound and I can tell he wants to come towards me. Carlisle steps in after me and sets his keys on the counter. He looks at Edward's face and then to Esme.

"Edward, go to bed," he says. "Your mom and I need to talk to her."

But Edward doesn't move. He just continues to stare. It's like the whole room is being stripped away, piece by piece till all that remains is just the two of us.

My dad moves towards him and places a hand on his shoulder.

"You did good, you told me and she's here," he says softly. "So go to bed, she's had a stressful day and your mom and I need to figure out what happened."

Edward gives me one last glance before turning and heading to his bedroom. I want to run to him, fall into his arms.

Esme rushes up to me and gives me a hug.

My skin crawls. I hate hugs.

_Just breathe and act normal. _

I count to three in my head, my body relaxes some in her embrace. She then leads me to the kitchen table.

"I'm going to make myself some tea, would you like some?" She asks.

_Bleh. No thanks._

I hate tea.

"Can I have some coffee instead," I mumble out.

Esme frowns a little.

"It's really late as it is-

"It's fine Esme," Carlisle interjects before pulling out a bag of coffee. "Besides, I have a feeling I'm going to need some tonight anyways."

Esme nods and the two of them get the drinks ready. My dad comes back, mug in hand with some sugar.

"I already put the creamer in there," he says as he and Esme sit down across from me.

The liquid is warm, and soothes my aching throat as I drink.

"Bella, I really need to know what happened," Carlisle says.

_Where do I even start?_

_My mother is bat, shit crazy and you left me with her?_

_Or that I think Charlie might want to have sex with me?_

My stomach rolls at the thought. Suddenly I feel like I can't breathe.

_No, no, no, NO! I can't deal with that right now. _

_But what if he does?_

_Shouldn't they know?_

I nearly throw the mug across the room.

_And if he doesn't? I'll ruin his life just because I'm so screwed up!_

"Please Honey," Esme's sweet voice breaks the inner war going on in my head. "Just talk to us."

I close my eyes and grip the mug tighter.

"Mom's always been," I start before pausing, trying to find the right word. "Difficult," I finally settle on. "But lately she's been worse, edgy, paranoid, more angry than usual," I continue not looking at them. "She got angry with Leah. My sister popped off to her, and I mean, she shouldn't have, but it was like someone took over my mom's body. She completely lost it."

I tell them about the car, how she threw my sister against, slapped her, screamed at her. How I pushed back and threatened to call the police.

"What happens now," I ask.

_Please don't call social services._

An uncomfortable feeling spreads throughout my body.

_He should, you know he should._

"I don't know Bella," he says before a hand over his face. "Your mother has always had issues, but I do believe she loves you and your brother and sister. I'll call social services, and tell them they should probably do a psyche eval on her. She probably needs medication, or at least therapy."

There's roaring in my ears. I knew this is what would probably happen. It doesn't make the sting any less effective.

"I don't want them to go back into the system," I say.

"Your mother acted irrationally, but the court generally likes to keep families together. They'll probably court order family counseling and private counseling for her. She may have to stay out of the house for a while. They won't automatically put them back in foster care for this," my dad says.

I let out a sigh of relief.

_Thank god._

"Why don't you go to sleep, you've had a long day," Esme says with a soft smile.

I nod and walk to the kitchen, rinse my mug before placing it in the sink.

"We'll figure this out Bella," Esme says as I walk towards my room.

I don't say anything.

I fall on my bed.

_How will Edward and I keep this up living under the same roof?_

Excitement and fear run through me.

It's riskier like this, more chances of us getting caught, especially now that Rosalie is at college. My door opens.

I sit up and see Edward's stormy expression. He doesn't say anything, doesn't move after closing the door.

My heart beats wildly in my chest. My fingers twitch.

"I'm fin-

He rushes to me, his hands everywhere, my face, my neck, my arms and hands. He's inspecting me, his eyes are wild, his touch rough and desperate.

"I'm fine," I breathe out.

But he doesn't stop, it's like my words only spur him on. Finally I grab his hands, forcing him to stop.

"I'm fine," I say as I look into his eyes.

He falls on his knees, kneeling between my legs, his arms wrap around my torso.

"No, this is anything but fine," he finally says. "I wanted to go, I argued, but Carlisle wouldn't let me."

I run my hands over his back. His fingers play with the hem of my shirt line, inching past the material and splaying on my skin. My breath hitches.

"Christ Bella," he breathes as he stands, his hands running up my abdomen, his face inches from mine. "When you called," he continues his lips caressing my own. "I nearly went insane," he kisses me hard.

It's a desperate kind of kiss. It's all teeth, pressure, tongue probing and licking, hands groping, breath gasping and moaning kind of kiss. We fall onto the bed, him on top of me, grinding our pelvises against each other.

Something wet falls into my mouth.

I'm crying.

He stops.

"Don't, please," I beg him. "I need you."

_Just make me forget._

His lips press against my neck, as his hands grope my breasts. They're timid, unsure, almost afraid in their kneading.

I kiss him harder, biting his lower lip.

He groans in my mouth, rubbing against me so hard it hurts.

We rock together, wetness floods my underwear.

The pressure is too much.

"Colorado," I breathe out, clinging onto him.

"What," he asks not stopping his movement.

_Oh fuck, I'm almost there._

"Shower," I get out, my tone scratchy.

He stills immediately, his eyes wide eyed, and cheeks tinged pink.

But I don't stop. I keep rocking against him, moaning.

"I touched myself," I grind out, closing my eyes. "I saw you and I touched myself," I say as my hand ghosts over his pajama covered erection.

His eyes darken, heavy lidded with lust. Suddenly he pulls me closer, kisses me with aggression, digging his arousal between my legs. I cry out into his mouth.

"I can't hold out," he pants. "Come baby."

My thighs clench together, against him and his mouth opens, his thrusts jerky and erratic.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," he chants, thrusting against me.

I fall over precipitous, his name on my lips.

My legs shake, give out as I grind out my orgasm against him.

He kisses me, groaning into my mouth as we come down together.

His body collapse on top of me, his lips kissing my cheeks, my nose and my mouth, his hand entwines in mine.

We stay like this, hands together, bodies pressed and breathing hard.

_I love him._

The thought slams into me with such force, such intensity, I feel like I'm going to be crushed under the pressure.

_I love him._

My fingers curl around him, holding his hand tighter.

_I love him._

His free hand gently caresses my face.

"I'll tell you what happened, but tomorrow," I say my eyes fighting to stay open.

He brings my hand to his mouth and presses a kiss there.

"Tell me whenever you're ready," he says. "It's not like I'm going anywhere."

We lie on the bed a little longer before he gets up.

"I uh, need to clean up and go to bed," he says running a hand through his hair. "I can't risk falling asleep in here," he says with a shaky laugh.

"Kay," I mumble before slipping under the covers.

_I'm so tired._

"I'm really happy you're here," he whispers before quietly leaving.

_Me too._

I drive out all thoughts of Leah, Seth and sisterly duty out of my mind. Tonight I'm just going to enjoy what happened between Edward and I.

_I'll feel guilty tomorrow. Tonight I just want to be happy._

* * *

Carlisle might be a dick, but he isn't just going to ignore what Renee did to Leah.

One other thing to note, Bella hasn't faced Charlie for what's he done to her just yet. She's still somewhat in denial over it. Trust me, it won't be this way forever. Bella will need some time to heal to start seeing things more clearly.

Hope you guys enjoyed this one!


	30. Chapter 29: December 2007

Ugh, I'm the worst. I know, I'm sorry. The past couple of weeks have been awful and busy! New baby came, then Christmas planning, trying to clean out my father in law's house to sell, and then I got sick. I'm still sick. But I have not abandoned this story!

After New Years, I will continue to update daily. Between now and New Years, I will update once, give you guys a special Holiday chapter.

This chapter is not my best work (in my opinion). But Mr. NyQuil got me through it!

Merry Christmas Eve! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

* * *

xxx

**DEC 2007: CHRISTMAS EVE-CARLISLE'S HOUSE**

"Shh," Edward hisses as I shut the cabinet door too loud.

I cringe at his voice and the sound of the cabinet banging, and mouth 'Sorry' back to him. The microwave counts down to 3 seconds left on the timer and I quickly open it to avoid the blaring ring. Grabbing the two hot mugs, I place them on the counter before Edward pours in the hot cocoa mix.

"Go get the blankets," he says as he stirs the mix in. "I'll finish these."

I turn and get the blankets out of linen closet then walk out our back door and bundle up. Edward joins me quickly and hands me a mug before bundling up himself.

"I can't believe Christmas is tomorrow," I say with a sigh.

Edward nods and sits in the chair beside me.

"What do you normally do for Christmas at your house," he asks. "I don't think I've ever asked you that before."

My mind goes to Seth and Leah, stringing popcorn and eating our grandmother's divinity.

_Well, considering you ruined Christmas for them, I highly doubt they're doing any of that now._

I look down as I grip my mug a little tighter.

"We usually watch A Charlie Brown's Christmas while stringing popcorn for the tree," I say. "But that was always something Leah, Seth and I did."

Edward grabs my hand.

"Bella, it's not your fault what happened," he begins sternly. "What Renee did," he pauses shakes his head. "She's the adult, not you. This is on her, and only on her."

_But that's not quite true, you should have stayed for them. Selfish._

The conversation Rosalie and I had about Edward and Alec comes to mind and an uncomfortable knot ties into my belly.

"Edward," I begin hesitantly.

He looks at me with a smile on his smile.

"What Rosalie said about Alec," I continue and his smile falters.

_Shit, I'm treading on thin ice here._

"I don't know him the way you do, and I know he can be volatile," I continue before looking down. "But I'd say he's probably angry at himself more than he is about anyone else. He's just taking it out on you."

Edward's eyes flash.

"He's angry about everything, blames everyone else but himself. I've seen him push our dad, then he gets made when our dad pushes back. He has absolutely zero excuse for his behavior," he finishes tightly.

I nearly laugh.

_How can he look at me and my situation and still be so blind?_

_Guess people see what they want to see._

"I'm not defending his behavior-

"Well it sure sounds like you are," he interjects.

I roll my eyes.

"Don't get testy with me," I say. "Look, I'm sure that there were times when my mother backhanded the shit out of me that I had it coming too," I say with a bitter laugh. "My point is, Alec isn't angry without a reason, you've only seen the tip of the ice burg, so keep it in mind."

Edward's hand clenches at his side, his body rigid, tight.

"I know I'm not supposed to hate anyone Bella," he says firmly but quietly. "But I _hate_ your mother."

His eyes are blazing as they look at me, a stare so direct and intense, I nearly cower under the heat. A small blush blossoms on my cheeks. I can't help but feel happy that someone hates her because of me, it's the most validated I ever felt in my whole life.

I place my mug on the floor beside me before climbing into his lap, facing him.

"It doesn't matter," I whisper before I place a soft kiss on his lips. "Not anymore."

His hand makes its way under all the blankets and rests on the small of my back as he pulls me flush against him, kissing me harder.

The kiss becomes desperate, frenzied, as I cling onto him, his hands fumbling, fingers tracing up and down my skin. His tongue sweep across my bottom lip before I let it inside, tasting him. He groans into my mouth and pulls me closer. The heat creeps up my spine, warmth tingling between my legs. I can feel him, all of him.

My hand creeps down to the waistband of his sweats, my fingers lightly sweeping against his skin, he jerks some at at my touch as he leans forward into me.

The chair topples over. I squeak as we land in a heap on the concrete, thankfully cushioned by the blankets. A giggle escapes my mouth, because this is just so us.

"Shhh," he says covering my mouth while he tries not laughs. "Real smooth Bella," he says with a grin.

I swat his arm. "Rude."

He just laughs under his breath before getting up and helping me stand. He picks up the chair and gets both of our mugs. We go back inside and he quickly rinses them out.

"Come on," he says wrapping his hand around mine and leading me to his room.

I go sit on the bed as he rummages through his closet. He turns back and hands me a poorly wrapped present.

"Kudos on the wrapping job," I say with a snicker.

"Hey, I can take that back," he says reaching for the package.

I stick out my tongue at him as I pull the present behind my back.

"Nope, too late," I say with a grin before ripping open the paper.

It's a book, leather bound, gold leafed, and sewn pages.

It's a really expensive book.

I suck in a breath as I hold it in my hands.

'Grimm's Fairy Tales'

"Holy hell, Edward," I breathe out. "This book is like," I splutter, unable to finish.

He sits down on the bed.

"Don't worry about it," he says before kissing my cheek.

There's nothing I can give him that would equal this.

_How on earth could he even afford this?_

I run my hands over the leather, relishing the texture. As I flip through the pages, I suck in a breath, all the original 1909 illustrations breathe life into the pages. It's grotesque, disturbing and beautiful images.

_I love it._

"Merry Christmas Bella," he whispers in my ear.

* * *

I hope you guys have a wonderful Christmas! I'll be spending mine with Mr. NyQuil.

As always, I hope you guys enjoyed this one, sorry it took so long!


	31. Chapter 30: February 2008

Thank God the holidays are OVER! I am now officially back on schedule. Seriously you guys, the past month has been insane! I got sick, then my husband got sick, then his mother got sick. It was awful! But I'm feeling much better now. Anyways, I really hope you like this chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

xxx

**February 2008: Restaurant: Carlisle & Bella**

"I spoke to your stepfather yesterday," my dad says before taking a sip of his wine.

I push my chicken around my plate.

"How is she?" I ask not looking up.

_She probably hates you._

An uncomfortable feeling settles in the pit of my stomach at the thought. My fingers grip the fork a little tighter before taking a bite of chicken.

"She's," my dad starts before pausing. "Better, from what I hear."

I snort a little.

_Yeah, better till she isn't. _

"Bella," my dad starts in a patronizing tone. "She's going to therapy and taking her medication. You have to at least give her a chance."

My fork clangs against the plate. A tightness spreads across my chest.

_Give her a chance?_ I find it hard to breathe. _He's sending me back._

"You think that one month of therapy and being medicated for all of three weeks suddenly means I'm supposed to just hop back on a plane and live there again as if nothing happened?" I hiss at him.

My dad's eyes widen.

"Bella, I'm not saying you have to live there," he quickly says and suddenly I can breathe again. "No one is going to make you go back," he says leaning across the table, more soft this time. "But she is trying. Look, I think you should go visit her next weekend."

The statement hangs in the air. I fall back against my chair, my appetite now completely ruined.

_I don't want to be there. Honestly, I'd rather I just never go back and pretend none of them exist. _

Leah's face comes to mind. Memories of our last time together scream at me.

"_Love me! Love me more than you hate her!"_

Immediately I'm slammed with guilt.

_You're a terrible sister._

"What's she taking medication for?" I ask instead.

"She has Bi Polar disorder," my dad says. "To be honest, it doesn't surprise me."

My eyes narrow.

"What do you mean, doesn't surprise you?"

He looks at me before taking another sip of his wine.

"Your mother, has always had her issues," he says placing the wine glass down. "We were so young when we got married. About three months after the wedding, she became irritable, irrational at times. When I would leave for work, everything was fine, and when I'd get home, suddenly things were anything but fine. I never knew what I was coming home to."

Red blinds my vision. My hands begin to shake so I grab the fabric of my skirt, fisting the material in my hands.

_You knew all this and still left me with her?_

It's surreal, the depth of just how much he knows. How much he's seen and he says it so carelessly. Like what's he's put me through is no big deal.

"Your mother loves you Bella," he says. "She may have her issues, but she does love you. And you don't have to go back," he continues before folding his hands under his chin. "It'll break her heart if you choose to stay here, but no one is going to force you to do anything."

I stare at him.

His words wash over me, striking a place in me that's painful and so unfair.

_You're being selfish Bella, she can't help if she's sick. _

Suddenly that painful feeling begins to morph, my vision becomes blurry. I dissect his words, leave my emotions out of them. I know what's he's doing.

And it's shitty.

I could never understand why I always felt so unwanted by him, always secretly believed it was my fault somehow.

And now?

My mother hurt me.

She hurt my sister.

She's been hurting us for years.

He knows this.

And now he's trying to make me feel guilty so I'll go back?

_Why?_

His face is sympathetic, soft but that softness doesn't reach his eyes.

_Why?_

My eyes burn as my hands shake.

_Why do I feel unwanted and unloved by the people who are supposed to love me the most?_

Pandora's box is about to open, and god, I don't want to deal with shit show that is my feelings when it bursts.

_I need to know. For once, I need to know where I stand with him. _

"But you think I should go back, to give her a second chance," I say, careful not to inject any venom or bitterness.

He simply nods.

"You have a life there Bella, friends," he begins. "I really do think that it would be in your best interest to go back, but like I said, no one's going to force you."

I'm stunned. Angry. And hurt.

I could laugh.

_He doesn't want you here._

I suck in a breath.

_He doesn't want you._

I'm itching to throw my napkin on the plate and just call my crazy mother to come get me.

_After all, the devil you know is better than the devil you don't know._

_But what good in the end would that do?_

_In the end, I'll be the one to suffer for it._

My mother's words regarding her own parents slam into me, it almost knocks me to the ground.

"_I realized then, my parents weren't going to look after me. I was just going to have to pull myself up by my bootstraps and look after myself."_

The weight of those words fall on me.

_Funny Mother, the thing your parents did to you, the thing that caused the most damage, you've gone and inflicted on me. _

The realization of my situation finally dawns on me.

_You have to look after yourself, cause Lord knows, neither of them will._

My back straightens and I push all my hurt and anger aside.

"I really like school here," I start and look him in the eye. "I want to at least finish the year. After that I'll think about it."

My dad nods.

I don't miss the flash of disappointment in his eyes.

* * *

Oh Bella, the feels in this chapter. I really hate my Carlisle in this story at times.

Renee's history will be revealed as the story goes on.

More E & B in the next chapter!

Please, like always, let me know what you think!


	32. Chapter 31: February 2008

So, I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. Things are about to get interesting!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

xxx

**February 2008: School Bathroom**

"So, has Ben finally taken a hint about prom yet?"

Lauren Mallory's shrill voice fills the bathroom as I sit in the stall, phone in hand.

"Ugh god, no. I actually had to just tell him outright. I mean, he's my boyfriend, I shouldn't have to say anything," Kate whines.

_God, these two are so annoying._

I roll my my eyes as the two girls continue to bitch.

"Anyways, what about you, do you have a date?" Kate asks.

I stand and smooth my skirt out, my fingers resting on the toilet lever.

"Oh you know, Edward and I will go together," she says and my hand stills on the lever.

My breath catches in my throat.

_What the absolute fuck! _

"God, Edward is so hot, I mean I love Ben and all, but every girl is so jealous of you!" Kate exclaims.

My chest tightens at their words as an uncomfortable feeling settles in the pit of my stomach.

_They can't be, I mean, he would tell me if they-_

_No! There's no way he's cheating on me._

"Well, I'm totally going to get back together with him. I already have the perfect dress," Lauren says and they both giggle. "But I'm a little nervous, he hasn't really paid that much attention that past couple of months."

At this I let out a little breath.

_W__hy on earth would he ever date her!_

My hand pushes down on the lever, flushing the toilet before walking out.

Both Kate and Lauren have lip gloss out as they touch up their make up.

My eyes lightly scan Lauren, her perfect blond hair, perfectly fitting jeans and blouse that showcases her chest just right. Jealousy runs through me.

_Of course that's why he dated her._

_I wonder if he compares me to her._

The uncomfortable feeling is back.

I don't want to be compared to a girl like Lauren. She's too pretty, too perfect, and too preppy.

Lauren eyes me back through the mirror as does Kate.

"Hey, your Edward's sister right?" Lauren says to me, turning to face me.

I suppress the urge to shudder at the word sister.

"Stepsister," I say my voice short.

Kate gives me a look and Lauren rolls her eyes.

"Whatever," Lauren says getting out her phone and scrolls some before showing me the screen.

It's a picture of her in a blood red dress, the side of it is cut high and it's low cut.

_Damn, the girl certainly has a hell of a body._

I hate it.

"Do you think he'll like the dress?" Lauren says.

I swallow a little.

The dress is beautiful. It's sexy, provocative and to be honest, I don't see how her parents would ever let her leave the house in it.

"How would I know," I say with a shrug.

It's a bitchy thing to say, but I can't help the jealousy running rampant in me.

"Well, he's your brother, so you would know," Lauren says in an equally bitchy tone.

I think I might vomit.

I wash my hands before taking a paper towel.

"Like I said, I'm not his sister," I say before tossing the paper in the bin. "But if you want my opinion, the dress is a little much, I mean, you don't want to come off as desperate," I say before turning to face her as my hand rests on the bathroom door. "Unless that's just naturally how you are," I finish with a smirk.

Kate's mouth drops and Lauren's eyes narrow.

"She is not desperate, obvi," Kate hisses at me. "You do realize that they practically been together since the ninth grade. They're practically planning a June wedding this summer," she sneers.

This time I roll my eyes.

"Whatever you say, how would I know anyways," I say with a shrug. "It's not as if he talks about you," I say looking at Lauren before leaving.

I keep my back straight as I walk to my locker. Images of Lauren and Edward at prom, with her in that dress take over my thoughts.

_I could never dominate a dress like that, I would just look awkward._

My hand shakes at my sides.

_Stop it Bella, he's with you. It doesn't matter what happened between them before._

I open my locker and get my math book out.

_Stop being so jealous, you've nothing to be jealous about._

Closing my locker, I turn around.

There's Edward leaning against his locker. With a laughing Lauren at his side. Touching his arm.

My eyes narrow.

He smiles and says something to which she throws her head back and laughs again.

_You've got to be kidding me._

"It's sad really."

I jolt a little and turn my head. A girl with red, curly hair stands beside me.

"What do you mean?" I ask and she smiles.

"Oh you know, they've been off and on for a couple of years, so Lauren really thought they would get back together at the beginning of the year," she says as I watch the two continue to talk.

The uncomfortable knot in my stomach tightens a little.

"I'm Victoria, by the way," She says turning to me.

I smile a little.

"Bella," I say then see her math book. "Do you have Carson next too?"

She nods and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Yeah," sh says. "You wanna sit by me? I mean, Eric usually tries to sit by me and it drives James nuts."

I laugh a little. "Sure."

"So, do you like it better here?" She asks as we walk.

"Eh, I guess. It's different. I'm used to being a private school, so it's nice to finally ditch the uniform," I say and she makes a face.

"Gross, I can't imagine having to wear something like every day," she says with a shudder.

As we pass Edward and Lauren, he looks at me and steps away from her a little. "Hey Bella."

I give him a hand wave. "Oh hey Lauren," I say turning towards her. "I did have one thing I forgot to mention," I continue as she raises an eyebrow at me. "If you are planning a June wedding, I would definitely keep it indoors, wouldn't want poor Edward passing out of a heat stroke before you get to the I Do's," I say.

Lauren's face goes completely red, and Edward's goes white.

Victoria throws her head back and laughs.

"Just a thought, see you around Lauren," I say with a bright smile and nudge Victoria forward.

"Bitch," Lauren says behind me.

"Piss off Lauren," Edward snaps.

I smile.

Victoria lets out a laugh and loops her arm around mine.

"I think you might just be my friend soulmate," she says.

"I had an unfortunate run in with her and Kate in the bathroom," I say.

"I can't stand either them, Kate's not too bad on her own, but Lauren," she says pausing, her eyes narrowing. "Lauren's a grade a bitch."

"She sounds lovely," I say with a sardonic smile and she laughs.

We get inside the classroom and sit down.

My phone vibrates and I peek at it in my bag.

**Edward: Want to hangout after practice**

I shouldn't be irritated. But I am. Even though it's clear he's not being dishonest with me, the fact he just let her hang all over him pisses me off.

_Well, it's not as if he could say he's dating you._

My stomach twists.

"So hey, James is coming over, do you want to hangout with us tonight?" She asks leaning back in her chair.

I toss my bag on the floor, not bothering to text him back.

"Sure, it's not like I have a life," I say and she laughs.

"Well, just so you know," She says leaning over towards me. "James and Edward hate each other, so I wouldn't broadcast him being there."

Carson comes in and the class settles down.

_Interesting, wonder what happened._

* * *

God, I hated high school!

Victoria is going to be an interesting character!

Lauren, bleh, but at least Edward told her to piss off!

Hope you guys had an awesome weekend! I'm so not ready for Monday! Anyways, please let me know what you think!


	33. Chapter 32: February 2008

Wow, I really dropped the ball eh? Sorry for such a long delay. To be honest this is where I'm hitting my wall, but I determined to keep writing. This chapter is not my best, but I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

xxx

**February 2008: Victoria's House**

Victoria's hand wraps around the front door knob, tossing her curly, red hair behind her shoulder as she opens the door.

"Mi casa, su casa," she says with a smile.

As soon as I enter, a pungent, skunk like smell invades my nostrils and I wrinkle my nose. Victoria chuckles at my face.

"Apparently James and Laurent have helped themselves to my stash," she says walking towards the back.

As she opens her bedroom door, two boys sit are sitting on the floor, a pipe between them with controllers in their hands playing some shooting game.

"Thanks for asking Jackass," Victoria snaps as she hits the back of Jame's head.

"The hell woman," he says dropping the controller.

"You can't just come in and start going through my shit when I'm not even fucking home," she says and James rolls his eyes.

"Just chill, we hardly smoked at all," he says and I snicker.

"Dude, we're getting our asses kicked, fight with your woman after this," Laurent says.

James turns around and Victoria's eyes narrow.

"Are you fucking-

"Fuck!" Laurent yells and James throws the controller down.

A chuckle escapes my lips at their pouting faces.

"I take it you just got your asses handed to you then?" I say with a smile.

Laurent turns around, his eyes scan me for a moment before his face breaks into a large grin.

"Fuck off, if James wasn't so concerned getting his dick wet then we'd actually win," he says with a laugh and James rolls his eyes.

"Don't get pissy just because your dick is shriveling from lack of use," James says.

Laurent gets up, handing the pipe to Vicky.

"Unless you stop going through my shit you should be more concerned for your own dick," Victoria says packing the bowl.

I watch with rapt interest as she takes a hit.

_I should leave, my dad will kill me if he finds out I was around people smoking weed._

Victoria hands the pipe to me.

I almost shake my head.

_Why? I mean, it's not like it's heroine or something. _

My eyes scan the pipe before taking it.

_How the hell do I do this? _My fingers grasp the glass as I stare at it.

_Shit, this is embarrassing. I should just hand it over, you probably shouldn't be doing this anyway._

"Don't tell me you've never smoke weed before," Victoria says with wide eyes.

My cheeks burn.

I shouldn't feel embarrassed, but I can't help it.

"Oh my god, you haven't have you?" Victoria continues with a giggle.

Laurent frowns and steps in front of me.

"Piss of Vicky," he says with a sneer before meeting my eyes.

"You know, you don't have to if you don't want to," he says.

_I'm a good girl, I don't do stuff like this. _

_I don't do drugs._

_I'm a good-_

Every fight I've had with my mother comes to the surface.

_And what has been being good ever done for you?_

_They all still think you're awful. _

_What's the point of being good when you treated as if you're bad?_

Edward's face comes to mind.

_He thinks you're good. _

_He doesn't know you, not really._

I look up to Laurent's dark, brown eyes.

"No I want to, I'm just not sure how," I whisper looking at the pipe as if it were an alien.

Laurent chuckles and takes the pipe from me.

"I'll light it for you, take a light inhale, not too deep," he says before putting the pipe to his mouth lighting it. He exhales briefly and brings the pipe to my lips. I lightly inhale, smoking burning down my lungs and cough nearly immediately.

James lets out a loud laugh and Vicky kicks him in the shin.

"Shut the fuck up James," she says clearly feeling bad for me now.

Laurent puts his hand on my back while I'm currently hacking up a lung.

"Don't worry, everybody coughs, including fuck face over there," he says throwing a glance James' way.

Suddenly I feel light, my whole body tingles.

_This is what I was so worried about?_

_I feel so light. _Looking up at the ceiling I close my eyes.

_I could float right through the roof._

"Don't worry, we'd just pull you back," Laurent chuckles beside me.

My cheeks burn and my eyes flow open.

"Shit, did I actually say that?" I say before erupting into a fit of giggles. My hand slaps over my mouth.

"Oh my god, just ignore everything I'm saying."

Laurent throws his head back and laughs and I stumble forward. His arm reaches out and steadies me.

I feel so fucking light, as if nothing matters anymore. Not my mother, not Leah, not even fucking Lauren hanging all over Edward.

"I need a cigarette," I blurt. "Like really fucking bad."

Victoria smirks. "Well well, now _**that**_ is surprising."

I roll my eyes and stumble again.

_Shit, I can't even walk straight right now._

"I'm full of them," I say swaying and Laurent's arm tightens around me. "Surpises," I clarify loudly.

James lets out a roar of laughter again and Laurent turns me to the door.

"Come on, we can smoke outback," he says leading me outside.

He pulls out a box of Marlboro's and hands one to me.

"You have actually smoked a cigarette before right, or do I need to show you that too," he says.

His eyes look at me playfully.

_He's hitting on you._

My cheeks burn again.

_Jesus Bella, stop fucking blushing._

"No," I say in a petulant tone. "I can do it myself, thank you very much," I finish, sticking out my tongue at him.

His eyes darken a minute at the action.

I blush harder.

_Goddammit__._

"You know, you're really something else," he says lighting his own and taking a puff.

_You mean damaged._

_Broken._

_Fucked up._

_Unloved and unwanted?_

"I most certainly am that," I mutter before taking a drag.

I feel his eyes on me and I shiver.

_This is wrong. _

_You should tell him._

"I have a boyfriend," I blurt.

He blinks then shrugs.

"Yeah, cool," he says his face fall a bit. But the look is gone nearly as fast as it happened. "The way I see it, we're just two people having a smoke, nothing nefarious going on."

I chuckle. "You mean other than getting me high as fucking kite."

He laughs.

_High as a fucking kite._

_Holy shit, my dad can't smell this on me, he'll kill me._

"You okay? You went a little pale," he says.

_Okay?_

_No I'm not fucking okay!_

"My dad," I sputter, leaning over.

"He's going to murder me," I wheeze.

Laurent crouches down beside me, his hand on my back.

"Don't worry, you can wash your clothes here, Vicky should have something you can wear," he says.

We finish smoking and go back inside. Vicky is perched on Jame's lap giggling at something he's whispering in her ear.

"Yo Vicky," Laurent says as we walk into her room. "Can Bella wear some of your clothes? She doesn't want to go home smelling like this."

She gets out of Jame's lap and throws open her closet door. She rummages for a minute then tosses a shirt and some shorts to me.

"This should fit you, bathroom is down the hall. Just leave your shit here, I'll wash it and bring it to you tomorrow," she says and I nod.

I stumble to the bathroom, and shed off my clothes. My phone falls out of my jeans and I pick it up.

The text notification pops up.

_Edward. Fuck._

**Where are you.**

My fingers hover over the keyboard.

_Shit what do I tell him?_

_I mean, I can't say I'm with Vicky and James._

Images of Edward showing up play across my vision.

Suddenly I feel sick.

_Oh my god, he can't see me like this! _

My fingers fly across the keyboard.

**I'm at a friend's house. I'll be home by seven. Dad already knows.**

I quickly change into Vicky's clothes and put my phone back in my pocket.

_Fuck, I really hope this shit wears off by then._

* * *

Careful Bella, not sure Edward would appreciate any of this. Sometimes, Bella can just be so stupidly blind. Hope you guys enjoyed that! Until tomorrow! (well uh, hopefully)


	34. Chapter 33: March 2008

Well, I'm just the worst. Sorry my updates have been so crappy. I'm still in the process of moving. But I haven't abandoned this one! I really hope you enjoy this chapter, and I hope it was worth the wait.

Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me so far! 

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

**xxx**

**March 2008: Bella's Room**

My hand fumbles in the dark for my ringing cellphone.

_I swear to god, if this is Vicky, I'm going to murder her._

My fingers make contact with my phone and I turn it over, blinking as the harsh light blinds me.

_Leah. Shit._

"Hello," my voice is scratchy.

"Bella?" Leah's voice trembles as a sob breaks through.

"What's going on? Are you okay?" I mumble, sitting up a little more alert.

"It's Seth, he had a seizure-

"What!" I'm definitely alert now.

"And mom is mad and dad said he's grounded-

"Leah, hold on-

"I don't know what to do, he's in the hospital, and his face looks beaten up-

"Leah!" I yell and she stops. "Calm down and take a breath, just breathe okay?"

She let's out a shaky breath, her sobbing calming down as well. I wait a few moments to make sure she's calm. _Jesus, at some point I'm going to stop getting these calls._

"Okay, so Seth had a seizure. Tell me what happened," I say more quietly.

"We were at a basketball game, and he went into the boy's locker room right before the boys started playing. I don't know, some guy comes running out and yelling," she says and then pauses. "Bella, it was bad. He fell and hit his face on concrete. His eyes are all black and his nose is broken."

My hands are shaking, adrenaline spiking through me. "But he's okay though, right? I mean they took him to the hospital."

"Yeah, I mean he only has a concushion or something like that-

"Concussion," I interject.

She huffs. "Yeah, whatever. Anyways, mom was gone for a whole week, and Seth forgot to take his medication all week. So that's why he had the seizure."

_Didn't Charlie remind him? I mean Seth is still a kid, half the time he doesn't bathe unless someone tells him to._

"Okay, so he forgot," I start.

"Yeah, and mom is mad and so is dad. Dad said that it was Seth's fault since he forgot and all and now they're _**grounding **_him for embarrassing them at the game!" She says her voice growing more hysterical with each breath.

My spine tightens and I dig my fingernails into my palm. _They're grounding him because they're embarrassed! _I throw the covers off of me, my fingers itch to turn over the nightstand because- G_oddamnit, what kind of parents do that?_

"Sissy, I don't know what to do, can you just come home and tell them that they're being mean?" Her voice is hopeful.

_Damnit Leah._

I grip the side of dresser. "I'll handle it. Don't make them more angry."

I press the end button before she says anything and immediately go to my closet to throw on some sweatpants and a better t-shirt one. _Fuck Renee and fuck Charlie. Enough is fucking enough._

"Going somewhere?"

Edward's voice is light, but there's this undertone. I don't like it and I'm in no mood to argue or talk this out. I'm too pissed to deal with him right now.

"My parents have gone completely insane. I'm done," I say then turn towards him. "Turn around," I demand.

His eyes widen at my tone and he shifts on his feet. "Bella-

I hold a hand up. "Look Edward, I am really fucking angry right now. Nothing you say is going to keep me from going to finally deal with my bitch of a mother and her psychotic husband. So turn the _**fuck **_around."

Edward sighs and closes his eyes. "Bella, please just tell me what happened."

"My brother had a seizure, busted his face up, and now my parents are grounding him for embarrassing them both," I say flatly and his eyes widen.

"Sheesh, that's awful." He shifts again.

"Yeah, so turn around. It's 20 degrees outside and I'll freeze if I go out like this," I say waiting for him to actually turn around.

He rolls his eyes. "It's March Bella, it's 55 degrees at least, and besides, what are you planning on doing when you get there? Beat them up?"

He smirks at me. _Yeah, real cute asshole._

"I'm going to let them have it," I say grinding my teeth.

He laughs. "Let them have it?" His eyebrow raises. "Yeah, that's a real solid plan."

I curl my fists. "You think this is funny?"

His dismissal pisses me off._ Why does no one ever just__** listen**__ to me?_

He reaches out to me. "Look-

I slap his hand away. _"_No! My brother has a broken nose because he bashed his face on concrete. Do you have any idea what it's like living with them? It's like walking through a minefield!" I throw my shirt across the room.

Edward's eyes soften but I'm too angry to care.

"But Hey! This is funny to you! Yeah, I laughed so fucking hard that one time they held Seth over a railing and beat his back and legs with a belt." I stomp to the other side of the room and pick up my shirt.

_Stop __this __Bella, you're loosing it! _But I can't stop. "Or what about the time they called my sister a whore and my mother throwing her up against the car door," I say peeling my tank top off and throwing on my crumpled t-shirt as Edward's cheeks flush and he looks down. "Yeah, it was so funny I couldn't stop laughing for days."

_God, it's like my life is just one big fucking joke. _

He steps towards me. "Bella please-

I shake my head and step back from him, my back hitting the wall. "Don't back out now Edward, I mean hey, this is just a fucking riot to you! I can't even begin to imagine how funny you'd think it is when Charlie touches me I feel gross and confused, then angry because there must be something so royally fucked up about me that I'd even dare to think- think- that-

I drop to my knees and bring hands over my ears shaking my head, a noise bubbles up and tears it's way out of my throat.

Laughter.

_I'm fucking laughing. _

_Why can't I stop laughing?_

The noise continues until it turns into an ugly and pitiful sound as tears stream down my face. _I can't, I just can't. Not anymore._

"I just don't understand," I sob out. "Why don't they love us? Love me?" My chest heaves and I feel like I can't breathe. Warm hands envelop me on the floor. A shiver goes down my spine, my skin crawls and my chest aches. _Stop. I'm not weak. I'm not weak. _I fight against his hold, but he won't release. I want him to hold me so much it scares me.

"Bella," he breathes into my ear. "Breathe, Baby," he says.

I feel like I'm falling apart.

_What was I going to do?_

_Save her? Save him?_

I collapse into him.

_I can't even save myself._

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Poor Bella. Please let me know what you think!


	35. Chapter 34: March 2008

Billie Eilish's music served as the inspiration for this chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

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**xxx**

**March 2008: Renee's House**

He looks like shit.

My eyes scan his blackened eyes and broken nose. _He looks so tired. _Seth offers me a smile. I grasp his hand and sit down beside him. My mother watches us, her eyes are sharp and I look away before I say something that starts a fight.

_She does something awful, but somehow I'm s__till the problem__._

My fist curls. It's been three hours since I've gotten to her house and she still hasn't spoken one word to me.

"How's your head?" I ask.

He smiles a bit more. "Yeah, I banged it up pretty bad didn't I?"

A little laugh escapes my mouth. "Yeah, just a little."

His smile falls a little. "I've missed you, seems like it's been forever since I've seen you."

My breath catches in my throat. He doesn't mean to make me feel guilty, but I do. My own selfishness and self loathing bubble up. My eyes start to burn and prickle. _Stop. Don't cry. You'll only make this much worse. _I take a deep breath and slowly exhale.

"I know, I've missed you too." I squeeze his hand.

My mind goes to Edward and how he held me as I completely fell apart in his arms just a week ago. He had talked me out of rushing here, and instead calmed me down. But he's been really weird ever since. Something changed between us, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

"_Bella, I want you to listen to me." _I remember how his hands grasped my face, forcing me to look him in the eye. _"There is **nothing **wrong with you. These people-" _I remember how he had closed his eyes, his mouth in tight, thin line and how when he opened them it took my breath away. His gaze, so intense, it set my skin on fire, it had been like he was finally seeing me- all of me, every ugly, twisted, pathetic and frightened piece of me.

Edward is so good. His only darkness is what I've brought him. When he sees the world, he sees that people are inherently good. I've shown him that the world is cruel, dark and lonely. Part of me hates myself for it.

"Well, I'm happy I got to see you," Seth says with a yawn.

I squeeze his hand a little more. "Me too," I say with a small smile. "You look tired, why don't you sleep for a bit and later tonight we'll watch a movie."

He yawns again and closes his eyes. "Mkay."

"Get some sleep." I let go of his hand and stand up.

As I turn and walk towards the door, my mother glares at me. Things have been extremely awkward since she's picked me up from the airport. Charlie's working late and Leah is at a friend's house.

_Ignore her. You're not here to fight. You're here for Seth._

Walking out, I go towards my old room. Seth's door clicks behind me and my mother's hand curls around my arm. I freeze.

"Bella, this has gone on long enough. You need to come home." Her tone is short and catty.

Rage bubbles up in me, my fingernails dig into my palm, and my chest tightens. I jerk my arm free and turn around to face her.

Her stance is rigid and she steps back, folding her arms across her chest.

"Do not treat me like I'm some petulant child," I say, my voice dangerously low. "The only reason I'm here is because of Seth. I'm not here for you-

"Now you listen-

I step closer to her. "He loves you!" My voice rises and her eyes go wide. "He loves you and all you ever do is hurt him, hurt me," I pause and close my eyes. "And Leah-," I trail off, opening my eyes and looking into her own that's now red and tearing up. "I'm tired. Just give me space Mom."

"Bella please! I'm sorry," she cries and shakes her head.

I just walk past her and her begging. My eyes burn and I know I'm going to completely lose it. _Just get to the room. _My feet move faster.

She follows me. "I know I'm mean sometimes, but I do love you. Please just-

_Just get to the room._

I reach my door, open it and quickly duck inside and shut it. My hand quickly locks it before she can open it. I stare at the door, listening to her crying and back away towards my bed. My feet hit the edge and I fall back. I take in another breath and get control over myself.

The front door slams and I hear the car start.

_Run away Mother. It's what you do best._

I turn my head against my pillow and close my eyes. _I'm so tired. I'll sleep, just for a bit._

My body starts feeling light and I sigh a little.

**.**

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** . **

**BANG.**

My body awakens with a start.

_What the-_

I fall out of bed, landing on the floor in a tangled mess of sheets and blankets. My feet scramble to a standing position and I run towards my door.

Moonlight shines through the windows casting an eerie glow in the house as I run towards Seth's room. I throw open his door.

_He's not here. Maybe he dropped something in the kitchen. _

I rush towards the kitchen.

"Seth!" I yell but there's no answer.

_Fuck! What if he's had another seizure!_

I reach the kitchen but there's no one there. I can feel myself panicking._ Calm down, everything is probably okay. _

But with each empty room and the constant silence, my stomach rolls.

My feet stop in front of my parents room and a shiver goes down my spine. My hand reaches out and grasps the knob.

"Seth." My voice is shaky.

Silence.

My fingers turn the knob and I open the door.

I feel myself falling.

Knees smack against cold, wooden floorboards.

Everything is cold.

My eyes won't close.

_No, no, no, no NO!_

I scream.

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**xxx**

Please don't hate me. This was incredibly hard to write.

Please let me know what you think.


	36. Chapter 35: March 2008

I think I finally got my mojo back. This chapter was satisfying and sad to write. Hopefully, you enjoy reading it!

So I know the last chapter was a bit confusing. This chapter will clarify things.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

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**xxx**

**March 2008: Cemetery**

The rain beats down on my umbrella and I grip the handle tighter. Cold wind whips across my face and I shiver. It's only fitting that today is the coldest day in March in ten years. Alice grabs my hand, her face is a solemn as the rest of the people gathered round. I feel Edward's gaze on me from the side. I haven't spoken to him since he, my father and Esme arrived. My eyes catch my mother's red rimmed ones and I swallow back the surge of anger that threatens to erupt.

They lower the casket in the ground.

My brother.

The pastor instructs us to bow our heads in prayer.

_Why bother. He's dead. No amount of praying is going to bring him back._

The pastor prays, but I pay no attention to the words. I still feel like I'm in a fucking nightmare, and I just want to wake up. This isn't how it's supposed to be. This isn't what was supposed to happen. _If only I hadn't left, if only I paid more attention, if only-_

_If only. If only. If only._

If only doesn't matter now.

The prayer finishes and I watch my parents walk hand in hand to the casket and drop two roses on it. Leah lets out a sob, her fingers grasp onto my black dress as she buries herself against the material. I hold her shaking body and rub her back with my hand. Alice looks at her with sad eyes. She knows, she understands why this funeral is such a fucking fiasco.

"Leah," I whisper but she doesn't move. "Leah, it's our turn."

She hiccups but slowly untangles herself from me. Her hand grabs mine and walk to towards the casket.

With each step my brain conjures images that I don't want to see.

I'll never not see them.

It's like a sickness. It twists, turns and infects everything.

My breathing becomes labored, it's like seeing my parent's door all over again.

_Please, can I just wake up now?_

We reach the casket.

Everything is red.

All I see is him on his back, sprawled out on my parent's bed, red splattered across the white comforter, the walls, on him and brain matter splattered everywhere. The shotgun on the floor.

My body goes cold.

That scream I had let out.

All the tears I had cried.

I don't have any left now.

Leah drops to her knees, her hand grabbing her chest, heaving.

My mother rushes over and tries to help her up.

Leah goes rigid, her eyes flash dangerously. "Don't touch me," she hisses.

"Stop this," my mother whispers. To an outsider it probably looks like she's comforting her.

I can feel my rage bubbling and bubbling.

"Come on Leah," Alice whispers appearing beside us. "I'll take her."

Alice's eyes are hard. My mother only nods, not wanting to make a scene. Leah, gently takes Alice's hand and walks back to the rest of the group. My eyes fall back on the casket in the ground.

_Why Seth? _

_Why?_

_I loved you._

My fingers dig into my palms. I welcome the sting.

_Why wasn't that enough?_

_Why wasn't me loving you enough?_

I drop the notebook on the casket. The pages filled with a story that will be forever left unfinished.

My body shakes slightly.

_I just can't keep doing this._

But I will not fall apart. I've spent the last three days falling apart and I'm too tired to continue. My back straightens and I turn, walking back to Alice and Leah.

The funeral concludes and I watch with hateful eyes as women surround my mother, holding her and telling her how much of a good mother she is. How good my stepfather is.

It starts in my hands. That hotness that scorches everything, it slithers up my spine, spreading, infecting and I see red.

"Bella," Alice whispers.

I watch my mother and her husband start walking to the car.

He holds her hand.

She's crying.

I snap.

My feet are heading towards them. And I feel like I'm in a daze.

"Bella," Alice calls out.

I ignore her.

Edward, my father and Esme are in front of me and Edward's eyes widen at my expression. I can only imagine what it looks like. His mouth opens but I stalk right past them, not even glancing at them.

My stepfather sees me walking towards them. He looks bored.

_I want to kill him._

I slam their car door shut. "This is your fault!"

My mother's eyes widen and his narrows.

My mother steps forward. "Bella, please-

"No!" I'm yelling and I know I shouldn't be, shouldn't be causing a scene even if everyone's mostly gone, but I'm too far past rational to care. "You did this, you both did this!"

My stepfather's eyes are cold and hard as he steps forward.

"You will stop this," he says. "This day has been hard enough on your mother and I, just how selfish are you?"

I just stand there staring at him. Staring at my mother's red, rimmed eyes, the tears falling down her cheeks.

_**Selfish.** _

_Seth screaming, leaning over the porch railing. Charlie screaming as he beats him with that belt over and over again._

_**Selfish.**_

_Seth crawling on the floor, hand sweeping back in forth, Charlie kicking his glasses just out of reach._

_**Selfish.**_

_My mother's sharp eyes. "God why can't you just walk normally?" My brother limping because of his cerebral palsy._

_**I'm selfish.**_

The damn breaks. I'm on him before I fully realize.

"You sick son of a bitch," I scream. My hands hitting everywhere and he grunts. "I hate you!" I scream.

"Bella," it's my father.

But I don't care.

"You made him do this!" I continue hitting at him. "You're evil! You're a monster!"

He catches my hand and pushes me up against the car. My head smacks against the window.

"Charlie!" My mother screams, immediately trying to pry him off me. He turns and backhands her off him and she goes stumbling to the ground.

His hand his raised at me and I laugh. "Go on," I taunt and his face twists into a snarl. "Go on, hit me. Let everyone watch how your son blew his fucking brains out and you now hitting your other child," I whisper coldly.

He slams me against the car harder, his body pressed hard against me. My laughter keeps bubbling out of me.

_I'__m losing my fucking mind._

Suddenly he's pulled off of me. I lean over and vomit. Wiping my mouth off I watch him struggle against my father's hold. Edward looks like he's about to jump out of his skin.

My eyes slither back to Charlie's own hateful gaze to me.

_I want him dead._

I spring back towards him.

Alice grabs my arm and pulls me away. "Let's go Bella."

"It should have been you," I scream as she pulls my fighting body back towards her car. "I wish you were dead!"

Edward runs towards us as my father says something to Charlie.

Alice and I reach her car and Edward cups my face.

"Bella." His eyes are frantic and hands are shaking.

I slap his hands away. "Just leave me alone."

Alice gets in the car and I follow her, shutting the door and lock it. His hand beats on the window.

"Bella, just open the door!"

"Just drive, just get me the hell away from here," I say refusing to look at Edward's frantic beating.

"Bella! Please!" He yells.

Alice starts the car and puts it in drive. Edward continues to beat the window as the car drives off, and I watch from the mirror him chasing after us before he stumbles to the ground.

_Can I wake up now._

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**xxx**

R.I.P. Seth.

Things in the story really take a turn now. Please let me know what you think!


	37. Chapter 36: April 2008

Hey Readers! So one thing I want to address.

A lovely reviewer pointed out to me that in Chapter Two, Charlie is yelling at Seth, but since that was present day, and my last chapter is in the past, that's a little strange.

So I just want to make this clear... Seth is a vampire!

I'm just kidding, Seth is dead. It's so embarrassing that I made such a mistake and there's no legitimate excuse! But alas, the damage is done Dear Readers. If anyone would like to beta this story, it would be amazing (for reasons I just explained sadly). Anyways, I have fixed Chapter Two.

I do truly hope you guys are enjoying this so far. This chapter is short, and originally I had this included in the next chapter, but I decided it really needed to be alone.

As always, please enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

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xxx

**April 2008: Carlisle's House, Bella's Room. **

Albert Einstein once said: "Love is the most powerful force there is, because it has no limits."

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"Carlisle, she hasn't left her room in days."

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_So I loved._

**Because it has no limits.**

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"She just needs time Esme."

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_I loved till I cried._

**Because it has no limits.**

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"Bella, Baby, please just talk to me."

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_I loved till my body broke_

**Because it has no limits.**

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"I can't imagine what she must be feeling right now."

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_And I loved and loved some more_

**Because it has no limits.**

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"Bella, it's been three weeks. You need to move past this."

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_I loved till my eyes couldn't see the truth anymore._

**Because it has no limits.**

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"This can't go on Carlisle. We have to do something."

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_And I loved and loved and loved without limit, without care and loved more._

**Because it has no limits.**

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Edward's hands are soft against mine. He's laying beside me. His whispered words do not comfort me.

I pull my hand away and turn away from him.

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_Albert_ Einstein was wrong.__

__I just don't have any more love to give.__

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xxx

Our poor Bella has finally hit her breaking point. The next few chapters will be in Edward's POV, so I'm really excited about that. Also, only three chapters left till we get to Present Day again.

Also, totally unrelated- my husband and I are in the process of moving and planning a house build. So I'm probably going to change my update schedule. I haven't decided the days, but I really want to give you guys quality work not something I just threw together for the sake of updating. We're getting into the meat of this story, and I really want to do it justice.


	38. Chapter 37: May 2008

So, like I stated in the last chapter, this one is in Edward's POV. I think I rewrote this chapter six times. Hopefully you guys will enjoy it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

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**xxx**

**May 2008: High School Building**

**Edward's POV**

Bella is leaned over holding a pen between her lips. Her eyes, rimmed black, looks at Vicki in amused fashion. The redhead whispers something and Bella smirks; her, now nearly black, hair grazes her shoulders. My eyes flit to her loose tee, not too low but just enough to show a sliver of cleavage. Images of her naked chest assault my vision and I shift in my seat. Her eyes glance up to Vicky, and she smirks a little. Her confidence is sexy as hell and terrifying. I glance at her pen again and I nearly groan.

_That pen is getting more action in the past five minutes than she's given me in weeks._

Immediately guilt slams into me, it's an ugly feeling, my own selfishness.

_Her brother shot himself in the head and all you can think about is your cock._

When this all started I had no idea what what I was getting into. Bella's always been private, not sharing her secrets unless pushed or when she's teetering on the edge. That hurts too, because on some psychological level, she doesn't trust me, doesn't trust that I can handle it, handle her, handle us.

Memories of Bella being thrown against the car, her head cracking on the window, Charlie's hand raised, and I see red all over again. She'd laughed at him. Like the reckless girl she was. Some part of me knew Charlie was an issue, but the night she broke down and talked about how he touched her, the only thing I could do was hold her. If I didn't, I would've killed him.

Bella giggles at something Laurent says and jealousy burns through me. I'm not stupid, the guy is into her. Whether or not she knows it is unknown to me. She knows I don't like Vicky's group, particularly her jackass of a boyfriend. The guy is bad news.

_Just look at me._

I want things to go back to how they were. She completely shut herself off from me, and it hurts. I don't know how to fix this chasm between us and she doesn't seem to mind it at all.

_Just look at me._

Her eyes flit back to Vicki, smiling and Laurent nudges her side. She blushes.

My fists clench at my sides.

_She's trying to kill me._

Laurent says something else and she giggles again.

My feet are moving towards them before I realize what I'm doing. The closer I get, the more tense I get. This ugly emotion twists inside of me, it's powerful and all consuming, my vision is tunneling on her and the guy who thinks he has a shot.

_Mine._

_But is she really? Was she ever really yours?_

The thought just pisses me off more.

I reach the table and she looks up at me, her face indifferent.

_I'm losing her._

The thought has me panicking but I can't do anything rash here, too many people.

"Sup Cullen," James taunt and my eyes narrow on him.

"Piss off James," I say before turning back to her. "I need to talk to you."

She blinks for a moment. "I'm kind of in the middle of studying right now."

My spine tightens._ I don't given a flying rat's ass what you're doing._

I take a breath and relax some. "Please Bella, it won't take long."

She rolls her eyes but picks up her school bag nonetheless. "Be right back."

I lead her to an empty classroom and when she enters, she closes the door and leans against it.

Now that we're here, I don't know what to say. There's so much and I have no idea where to even start.

_How did we get to this point anyways?_

She huffs, her face a complete look of irritation. "Well what?"

Her tone is bitchy and impatient, like being here with me is the last thing she wants. My eyes fall to her changed appearance, her newfound confidence sends heat down my spine and pisses me off. This new determination for something I can't seem to grasp leaves me reeling and disappointed.

"_New everything." _Is what she had said.

I knew when Seth died she would need time, and when she completely shut down from the world, hiding in her room for days, refusing to speak, refusing to function, my stepfather said it was normal, that she would come around. And she did, she showed up at the breakfast table all smiles and a fierceness in her eyes that put me on edge.

She left the house with Vicki and came back almost a different person.

She propels herself off the door and adjusts her book bag. "Look Edward, you said you needed to talk, I'm busy so spit it out already."

Her words sting me as if she's just slapped me.

_What is happening to us?_

I have to say something, anything or else she'll just leave.

"I don't think you should hangout with Laurent, he has a thing for you." I blurt out.

Her face is this blank mask, her eyes void of any emotion. The seconds tick by and I feel myself growing more nervous by the second.

She let's out a bark of laughter, all bitterness and her eyes narrow. "Jesus, you're unbelievable you know."

The anger comes back full swing.

"Don't act like I'm being ridiculous," I say taking a step towards her. "The guy clearly likes you, and you're just feeding into his fantasy."

Her eyes flash at me, cold and unfeeling. "Get over yourself," she spits at me. "Laurent and I are friends-

I kick a desk sending it barreling across the room. "Don't give me that bullshit Bella!"

"Jesus Edward, really?" She shakes her head and laughs again. "Well aren't you such a man," she says with a smirk stalking towards me. "Look at big, bad Edward," she mocks gesturing to the desk.

Her derision and discontent overwhelms me.

_Why Bella, why are you doing this to me?_

"I'm sorry your brother died, Bella" I whisper and she just continues to glare at me. I sigh. "That doesn't mean you can just treat me like shit."

With that, I stalk around her and head for the door and open it.

"Fuck you Edward," she yells as I close it behind me.

A crash echoes in the room behind me.

_New everything, huh._

_Including me I guess._

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**xxx**

Sometimes I just want to shake some sense into her. Sadly. things will get ugly before they get better.

Please let me know what think of the chapter.

Do you think Edward has a right to be angry and frustrated? Or is he pushing too much. I'd love to hear your thoughts!


	39. Chapter 38: May 2008

These two, they're going to be the death of me. One more chapter till Part Two is officially over.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

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**xxx**

**May 2008: Movie Theater**

**Edward's POV**

"It looks like you kids are going to have to sit behind us," my stepfather says.

The movie theater is packed and for once I'm grateful for it.

_Maybe she'll actually warm back up to me without having to worry about dad seeing us._

My eyes flit to her and she just shrugs before walking through the crowded isle in front of me. My skin goes cold and I let out a sigh.

_Really? _

The distance between us has only grown since our fight. After I had calmed down, I tried knocking on her door, but she just told me to piss off. So what did I do? I gave her more space.

_I'm always giving her space._

Bella sits down and scrolls through her phone, completely ignoring me.

The movie starts and after about ten minutes in I grab her hand. She doesn't respond, but doesn't wrench it free either. Elation spikes through me._ Finally._ I let her get used to our hands entwined for a bit and glance at her through the corner of my eye. She's completely engrossed in the movie. So I carefully start massaging her hand with my thumb. She doesn't look at me, only shivers slightly.

My heartbeat skyrockets._ She wants this, she still wants me._ Relief and nerves flood through me. It's ridiculous, really, my nerves, seeing as we've done much more than hold hands. But nearly two months with no physical contact, I feel like we've somehow started over. My hand releases her and slowly skim my fingers up and down her arm.

Suddenly she stiffens and looks right at me, her eyes hard. "Stop," she hisses and leans away from me.

My eyes widen, it's like a bucket of cold water drops on me. I just stare at her, her cold brown eyes and rigid frame. There is no fear in those eyes, only disgust and coldness creeps up my spine.

_What is happening to us?_

"Bella please," my whispered voice is scratchy and desperate.

She raises an eyebrow at me and her eyes flit to my hand before glancing back to me.

I can see the wheels turning in that head of hers, and with each second I feel the pressure build.

_You have to give me something Bella, anything. Just something for me to know you still care._

She immediately turns back towards the screen, her face an impassive mask again.

The fissures in our delicate relationship cracks, this crater that's between us seems impossible.

_I'm losing her._

My spine tightens.

_I'm losing her._

She's only a fingertip away, but it feels like content between us.

I turn towards her. "Bella-

Immediately she stands up, slamming down the popcorn down in my lap.

"I'm going to the bathroom," she hisses at me. "Don't follow me."

She steps over me and leaves. My fingers curl against the popcorn bucket and I have the urge to throw it.

_Why won't you just let me love you?_

Despite my anger, I know she's struggling, she's just gotten better at hiding it.

I feel crazy, because it seems that only I see that this new version of herself isn't good.

Suddenly I feel cold and my chest constricts.

_Why? Why isn't it a good thing? Just because she doesn't need you anymore?_

I feel like I can't breathe and I stumble out of my seat and down the isle. As I throw open the doors, I lean over heaving.

_She doesn't need me anymore._

It's like the room is falling away and my legs shake.

_She doesn't need me anymore._

My fingers grip the trash bin.

"You ok there Bud?" Someone asks.

_No. No I'm not fucking okay._

"Fine," I croak out instead.

_She doesn't need me anymore._

_But I need her._

I let out a bark of laughter.

My knees buckle.

_An impossible situation._

The memory of her is everywhere, the way her skin is hot against my own, her eyes as I move against her, how she grabbed my hand under tables. I feel like I'm drowning.

I see her. She's laughing with Laurent.

I see red.

_No. She loves me._

_She's mine._

_Mine._

My feet are carrying me over to them.

Mine.

Laurent's arm is slung over hers.

Mine.

Her eyes meet mine, wide and afraid.

_I'm done playing this game with her._

"Hey man-"

My fingers curl around her wrist. "We're leaving."

She opens her mouth.

"Don't," I growl.

I pull her out of the theater, her stumbling behind me.

_This ends now._

_She loves me._

_She has to love me._

* * *

Cliffe, I know. Ugh, the suspense!

Please let me know what you think!


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